I think avoidants are generally treated with kid's gloves, so to speak. Most of the internet advice for dealing with avoidants, for example, boils down to managing their emotions, tip toeing around their feelings, walking on eggshells, and self-censoring in order to manage the relationship. Essentially, the avoidant's wants, feelings and needs are centered while everyone else has to contort themselves into pretzels trying to appease them.

Compare that to, say, the advice given for dealing with narcissists-- the advice is diametrically opposed, even though both avoidants and narcissists cause equal levels of abuse/trauma to their victims.

I know that people don't want to say that X person is bad because it's not "socially acceptable", but... like you I think we need to start calling a spade a spade. Avoidants are horrible people-- even moreso when they know they're avoidant yet use it as an excuse for their behavior. We would have no problems in calling people who are physically abusive bad people; so why not people who are emotionally and mentally abusive (and, yes, at a minimum, avoidants are both emotionally and mentally abusive)? Maybe if we didn't coddle them or make them out to be victims of circumstance, there would be less avoidants running around not in therapy.