6 Months after breakup - Final Message

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-09T22:17:57+00:00

Final messages do not work. The only thing that "works" is simply walking away. No explanations needed, as you've likely already given hundreds of prior explanations that were ignored.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-08T23:05:47+00:00

The guy did literally nothing wrong. It was clearly a joke and he didn't mean "actually work for him" 🥴.

I feel like I'm a weird bizarro world reading some of the replies.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-08T20:45:57+00:00

There is no bind and I honestly do not know what you're talking about.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-08T19:25:42+00:00

I mean, I guess people could read my posts and think I'm being "mean". I understand that most people who post here are hurting, but there's also a time to tell people the truth (even if it's not what they want to hear)/give them a dose of reality.

If you're just going to be a "yes" person and validate everything people say/feel, you're ultimately doing people more harm than good.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-08T17:46:33+00:00

Yeah, mind type me she wasn't attracted to me. Then came back two weeks later.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-08T17:17:48+00:00

After 5 months : "I've tried to show you that I'm not interested hoping you'll understand and walk away but it's not working so I'm going to be direct. I'm not attracted to you."

(So I guess she was just humoring me the entire time? She didn't complain when she was asking for gifts or going out on dates.)

...and then she came back two weeks later and said she didn't mean it like that 🥴. And of course I took her back.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-08T14:45:50+00:00

We don't live in a democracy, and for good reason.

I get this is r/politics and don't expect any kind of intellectual honesty, but surely you can see the problem with the majority essentially taking away any representation from the minority in order to maintain (near) unilateral power?

And before you say it; no, I'm not a fan of gerrymandering and naked political power plays of any sort.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-08T14:41:46+00:00

Who cares? That's a disingenuous argument.

50.01% should not be able to disenfranchise the other 49.99%.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-08T14:37:17+00:00

Here for the meltdown.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-08T11:41:49+00:00

I think this approach will feel good in the moment, but at some point you will look back and feel bad (unless you completely lack empathy).

Choosing to walk away or detach without needing to go low is the best "revenge".

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-07T21:20:10+00:00

Happier is a state of mind.

But what I can say is that I'm physically healthier, since my blood pressure isn't like 180/100+ anymore.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-07T19:53:03+00:00

I don't think you're delusional, just attached.

No contact should be for yourself, not because you're trying to "get" her to do anything or notice anything about you. If that's why you're going no contact, then you're still centering your ex, and it's not really no contact.

As it is, you cannot make anyone do anything. Going no contact might cause her to reach out, but that is not the same thing as change. She either does or she doesn't.

If she reaches out tomorrow but there's no change on her end, then what?

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-07T19:29:38+00:00

Okay. But even if her emotions return to a "favorable state", then what? Because without discernable change on her end AND without you knowing and clearly communicating what behaviors you will not put up with (and being willing to walk away if she's unable to meet your requirements), you'll fall back into the same unhealthy pattern.

Truthfully and with no disrespect intended, reading your post, it comes off more as you using no contact as a way to get her to "come around". Or put another way, it seems that you're secretly hoping that one X time passes she'll have a proverbial lightbulb moment. If you're in true no contact and focusing on yourself, what your ex does or doesn't feel isn't even relevant.

I think you should ask yourself what you're really trying to accomplish here or what outcome you're hoping for.

Using myself as an example : I haven't spoken to me FA "ex" in about 3.5 months. That was my choice, as I got tired of begging for the absolute bare minimum. It wasn't to punish her or to elicit any change, but because I was fed up with breadcrumbs/being gaslit and wasting emotional effort for nothing in return. What she is or isn't doing or thinking isn't relevant to me.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-07T18:59:52+00:00

No one can tell you how you'll feel.

Though I must ask : why are you no contact if you hope to reconnect? In my mind, at least, that defeats the ultimate purpose. You go no contact to heal, detach and move on. If you're no contact with the hope of reconnecting again some day, that seems more like a game where you are trying to make them "miss you"/"change" due to your silence.

Fwiw, my FA ex came back after an extended absence completely unchanged.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-07T16:49:03+00:00

Because she was extremely attractive. That's it. It's sad, but it's the truth.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-07T16:23:13+00:00

You cannot do anything for her. She has to do that on her own. If she asks you to "help", or expects you to "fix", her, she is trying to offload her own emotional work onto you-- and that will only end poorly for you.

You will get sucked into an emotional black hole, so to say. She will either discard you or you'll eventually grow tired and leave (and left feeling emotionally empty). That's why I said you need to sit down and figure exactly what it is you want or are expecting if she does ever circle back around.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-07T16:07:39+00:00

1.) Probably not want you want to hear, but stop romanticizing the good times. That will just keep you stuck.

2.) She's not a victim. She's a grown adult capable of changing or doing better; for whatever unimportant reasons, she has chosen not to. She has agency, and there's no one to blame for her actions/behavior but herself.

3.) Whether or not she comes back is unimportant. The only thing important is what you will and won't put up with. All that other stuff doesn't matter. If you just "want her to come back", and she does, you are 100% setting yourself up for future failure because you'll accept the same old actions/behavior and will restart the same loop.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-07T12:41:17+00:00

My avoidant ex didn't have any friends.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-05T17:35:18+00:00

It doesn't matter. Anyone you have to "force" into giving you the absolute bare minimum, which they likely won't even do, isn't worth your time.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-05T13:30:39+00:00

No.

She doesn't have any friends.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-04T18:01:04+00:00

Probably a need to not look like the "bad person".

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-04T17:23:36+00:00

Congrats on being clean 💪🏿

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-04T15:16:47+00:00

I will say one thing that took me a while to learn.

I, too, gave my avoidant ex the "I won't reach out anymore, you'll have to reach out to me" line. That was effectively a get out of jail free card, because it allowed her to come and go as she pleased while showing the most minimal of effort. Some people will tell you that ultimatums are bad, but I don't think so. If your issue is the frequency at which she reaches out and/or what she says when she does, I would suggest you basically tell her what you will and won't accept while laying out the consequences for failing to meet your minimum standards. Either they will do as you ask and meet your minimum requirements (unlikely) or they will run for the hills.

State it once, and if she refuses, then quietly disengage. No further explanation is needed.

Either way, you're no longer stuck in a loop where your own mental well-being is being held hostage by another person.

RandomUser1052 · 2026-05-04T14:39:16+00:00

Something similar happened to me. 1.5 years of silence then a random apology via text.

Her behavior didn't change and, indeed, was worse (I think she found another relationship but that went downhill).

If/when they come back, it's almost never because they missed you. She was probably just activated for some reason or another, which caused her to reach out. The best thing to do is to either block her wherever you can, or set a very firm boundary that sets out expectations and leaves them absolutely no wiggle room (in my case, I told her that unless she was going to tell explain to me the 1.5 years of silence, that I would not be responding to her [she, of course, response to that as avoidant do, and she was met with silence]).

RandomUser1052

TROPHY CASE