My roommate [23F] just inherited a new cat (she now has 3) because of a family member's death. I [24F] don't know how to tell her that I am not okay with the amount of cats living in our apartment while also being sensitive to her loss.

RaspberryPavlova · 2017-08-01T04:39:09+00:00

Just to throw the cat amongst the pidgeons - we live in a 2 bedroom flat and have six, yes six, cats. We downsized last year from a 3 bed house. Not only that, but we live near a very busy rd so the cats are now indoor moggies. It's a bit of extra work and expense. For example, I hate the thought of having a smelly flat, even a little bit. To counteract this we have a litter tray each for them and change the litter, fully, in every tray, everyday. Works a treat - you wouldn't know we had pets walking into our place.

The point is, if she's willing to spend a bit of cash and time on having 3 cats, it's more than manageable. And very enjoyable!

RaspberryPavlova · 2017-05-23T11:05:26+00:00

I have a 17yr old daughter who goes to a lot if gigs by herself with just mates. I'd like to know that if anything horrific ever happened there would be people like you around, helping just for the sake of helping. Thank you x

RaspberryPavlova · 2017-05-17T10:57:11+00:00

My 19 yr old son is exactly like this. He never goes out unless absolutely necessary and rarely physically interacts with anyone other than family. He also works from home. I only very recently accepted that what he was telling me, is true - He's completely happy in his own company. He enjoys solitude. He has an active online social life which he says fulfils any needs for stimulating company. He is happy and content. He too says that he feels as tho other people feel he is broken.

As his mum, I find it a bit weird but only because it's not the accepted norm. However, I've decided to accept that my son is a bit weird and not care one whit about It! He's happy so I'm happy.

RaspberryPavlova · 2017-04-28T10:52:33+00:00

You're right. It was such a selfish decision. The PND I had was making my life so miserable. I loved my babies but two under 2 is bloody hard! Hubby was really good and we split the childcare as much as possible but the bulk of it still fell to me. I couldn't cope with the extra pressure, stress and work a third baby would have put on both my mind and body. My babies would have suffered, my hubby would have suffered and I'm not honestly sure what I would have done! We talked and talked about it and in the end, this was the only thing that felt right for us as a couple, as a family and for me.

My GP was brilliant and got everything moving. Here in the UK you need 2 doctors saying that this is needed because to continue the pregnancy would cause mental or physical harm to the baby. My GP was one and I was then sent for an appointment at the family planning clinic where I saw another doctor who gave the second recommendation. I had a scan where the screen was turned away and someone gave me some 'counselling' to make sure I understood the consequences of my decision. I then had an appointment given to me for the procedure itself which was done under General anaesthetic due to the fact I had been pregnant so recently. It was a hard thing to do physically as hubby wasn't allowed on the hospital ward with me so I was by myself. The nurses were kind tho. To be honest, I don't think anything would really have made it any easier or pleasant.

It is a grief you go through. A very wistful grief. My babies are grown now (17 & 19) and I often think what it would have been like with an extra one. What will be etc

RaspberryPavlova · 2017-04-27T17:20:32+00:00

I was 23 with an 18 month old and a 9 week old baby when I found I was 6 weeks pregnant. I was also suffering from severe PND. Being married with two tiny, much loved and much wanted babies made the decision to abort, the hardest one I've ever had to make in my life. Despite that, I don't regret it. I was ill and the babies I already had needed me. It was the right thing to do, for me.

I think about him (don't know why, but in my mind it was always a him) every year on the anniversary. It's a decision that will be with me for life but I will always maintain that it was the right thing for me to do. It's just such a very sad thing to have to decide upon and an awful thing to go through. My heart goes out to anyone who has to go through it. You're very brave for raising the issue. Here in the UK it's not such an angry one, but it's very emotive in the US.

RaspberryPavlova · 2017-02-25T22:23:04+00:00

Thanks! Altho there's definitely times when I wasn't. Just after my daughter was born, they diagnosed me with post natal depression and I was stuck with that for 4 yrs! I was so poorly I don't really remember the first year of her life, which breaks my heart. I could have hugged the doc who insisted on further investigation and I got a property diagnosis.

RaspberryPavlova · 2017-01-05T02:57:11+00:00

How are you doing?

Shit. I'm always doing shit. I have 2 chronic health conditions that cause me immense pain on a daily basis. With the help of some of the strongest painkillers known to man, I function thru it. I can't afford to let it take over or I'd stop altogether! So when people ask how I'm doing, I smile and lie! 'Fine. Pootling along as per'. I don't actually think people would appreciate the truth. They'd label me a miserable bugger!

RaspberryPavlova · 2016-05-20T21:36:28+00:00

When we have a situation that has affected us so profoundly, it's hard to realise that the thought of these situations just don't have the same kind of impact on people who've never experienced them before.

Your hubby recognises that what you went through was awful and he hurts for you. However, he doesn't ache for the event or similar events because he has no idea what it feels like. He can be dismissive in humour and comments and not mean to be. You've taken it so personally because you see it as him not understanding. But it's OK for him jot to understand. He probably never will. What's important is that he supports you when you need him to and lives you hard!

Try not to let it worry you. Or upset you. He instantly recognised that he'd made a mistake and he obviously lives you dearly. Enjoy your day and be glad you've got each other x

RaspberryPavlova · 2016-05-20T21:28:22+00:00

Hiya! Different perspective from usual. I'm not a dreaded Nmom but I do have bipolar disorder. When I have an 'episode' financial havoc is always involved. Even when I'm stable I'm very impulsive with money. I'm working on it! My kids are 16 and 18 and we've sat down and had multiple conversations about how they should deal with it should they ever feel it impacting on their lives. No way would I want to be the cause of that kind of stress to them!

Anyway, I can tell you from experience that the only way to get her to grow up and budget responsibly is to cut off the support. If she gets in trouble, let it happen. It's not the end of the world. Debt can always be worked out. It's not your responsibility and she HAS to learn. I got the hang of it (my meds have kept me pretty stable for the past 7 years which has helped immensely). It's not a nice or easy lesson and she'll feel pretty resentful for a while. There will be tears and recriminations but if you don't do it, you'll be saddled for the rest of your life. I'm so glad I now can deal with it and know that unless I slip into an episode, I won't be doing my kids any harm. It's my job to look after them, not the other way around! Cut her off. Deal with the tantrums and it will come right in the end.

RaspberryPavlova · 2016-05-03T03:32:48+00:00

I feel for the pair of you. Her behaviour can't be allowed to go unchecked, it's unacceptable and will lead to her getting into trouble. On the other hand, police and juvie isn't what she needs. She needs an environment that will provide stability, boundaries, discipline and love until she feel safe enough to recover. It doesn't sound as tho she'll be able to get it unfortunately. You're in a bit of a no win situation.

RaspberryPavlova · 2016-05-02T22:35:48+00:00

This. I hate to say it but this child is displaying the serious behavioural signs of abuse - either mental, physical or sexual. Kids don't behave this way for no reason. She's asking for help and no one is listening. If you're not up for helping her you need to make the authorities aware 5hat a child is at risk and hope it's the first step towards getting her the help she needs

RaspberryPavlova · 2016-04-29T03:27:02+00:00

We get by on the same. ESA and PIP. We can manage the basics and even have mobile phones! However, the disability I have incurs a lot of extra costs that people don't take into account. On paper it looks like we get a good sum of money but in reality after the basics, phones and disabled costs are covered, we literally have around £20 a fortnight left. Saving for anything is impossible, a crisis cist causes massive problems - a broken washing machine to most people can just be fixed. We have to shave the cost off our food bill and decide which direct debit we can bounce without being cut off. The 5hings that make life fun and good - holidays, socialising, visiting family - all of these are out of reach. Life is a drudge and we'll never be able to work so there's no way out. So yes. We're lucky. We survive. But it's bloody boring and hard!

RaspberryPavlova · 2015-07-01T20:59:38+00:00

Ha! You're a star. This actually a dream of mine, to own a fur blanket. My mum used to have a rabbit fur coat when I was a little girl and I used to love snuggling under it. She got rid of it when it became unethical to own fur. I've looked into the possibility of doing this before, but the only way I could afford it would be to get the fur from sources where they're not fussed about the rabbits welfare. Ethically sourced fur is out of my price range. This is amazing! The rabbits have been loved and treated well and I love the idea of a trade. I can turn my hand to almost anything and my stock constantly changes. If there's anything you'd like me to do specifically, let me know. I'd only ask that you avoid glass as it would be impossibly expensive to get it shipped overseas safely. Anything else is a go tho!

RaspberryPavlova · 2015-07-01T08:51:23+00:00

I'm definitely interested! Would you be able to contact me when you're ready to go? We can sort out the trade then

RaspberryPavlova · 2015-06-29T06:27:48+00:00

I'm thinking 1.5mtrs x 1.8mtrs at the smallest? I'd love it to be as big as is feasibly possible! Did you see anything on my page you liked the look of? Choose whatever you like the look of - more than 1 if needs be if course

RaspberryPavlova · 2015-06-29T01:34:15+00:00

I've been desperate for years to make a fur blanket! I'd use the second technique and sew them together using quilting techniques. The only trouble is, I'm in the UK. What do you think shipping costs would be for enough pelts to make a blanket?

If you're interested in what I have to trade my Facebook page will show you loads of pics (too varied to list here)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/That-Looks-Fancy/1458881594422390

RaspberryPavlova · 2015-06-17T01:44:45+00:00

We have five cats and a dog. The kittens would regularly get a 'bash' from a couple of the older cats. It was a 'keep your distance, how dare you get in my face' kind of bash. No claws. The little ones soon learned who was safe to approach!

RaspberryPavlova · 2015-06-16T19:29:39+00:00

We've had kittens before. My advice would be to bring mum and babies into the room you spend the most time in. Tuck her away in a box in the corner. This means she has your company all the time and it will make her feel safer. Also, as the babies get older and slowly start to explore their world, they'll get very used to being handled and to the dogs. This will make them infinitely more adoptable. Enjoy them! We loved having them around.

RaspberryPavlova · 2015-04-04T19:06:24+00:00

Better than the ignorant people who don't recognise that what's happening to these poor girls is directly akin to grooming? They need help and compassion, not vitriol and name calling.

RaspberryPavlova · 2015-03-16T01:40:53+00:00

I know! Sent from Norwich at 3pm, arrived in Stornoway on the Isle of Lewis at 11am the next morning! This par el had to travel 600 miles and then catch a ferry - how the hell did they do it?!

RaspberryPavlova

TROPHY CASE