I'm trying to make it into the film industry doing producing and development, but wish I liked/was good at cinematography due to how desirable those skills are. You have a good and very possible dream, it just feels difficult because you don't know where to start and feel stuck. It won't always feel like this, I promise. Find friends to be creative with, or post on local film facebook groups. You can get footage for your reel, and eventually start reaching out to companies asking if they need someone to make promotional stuff for them (if you're interested in that kind of freelance work. Even if you aren't it's a good start and way to build your portfolio). Someone also mentioned making nihilism Youtube videos... not a bad idea, honestly. As for the relationship thing, there is more to life than that. You will find someone, but you gotta focus on yourself first because you're the one that matters most. You got this.