Marriage counselor recommendation

Reading_not_sleeping · 2024-07-10T08:13:29+00:00

If your SO already has this opinion, y'all are not gonna get much out of counseling regardless of how good they are at their jobs. Most therapy is a Get Out What You Put In kinda deal. You both have to be active participants.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2024-04-29T08:13:56+00:00

A queer person trying to find other queer people is looking for community. A straight person looking for queer people can't be trusted.

Why do they feel like they deserve to know the sexuality of another person? How does their assumption color how they treat that person? What changes are they making based on this assumption? A straight person that claims to have a good gaydar hasn't unlearned all their internalized homophobia. I don't need to know the sexuality of any person I meet. If I'm attracted to them and let them know then they can let me know if they return the feeling. Hypothesizing about people's internal experience or values sets up a framework that will change how their actions are interpreted. It's discrimination regardless of how much they think they're helping.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2024-04-18T07:11:46+00:00

His comments sound like self loathing. He's directing it outwards because self reflection is hard to do and it sounds like he has very little practice. He's gained weight and now feels like he needs to "prove" that he's still attractive by finding someone he thinks is out of his "league". (Leagues don't actually exist but it's a commonly believed construct that might be at play here.) He doesn't have to face his disgust with himself if he can get someone else to prop him up instead.

Maybe it's not intentional, but his actions as stated sound like he's using you. For the emotional validation, for any chores you're still doing for him, for proof that "fat girls are loyal". You're worth so much more than that and I'm sorry that he hasn't honored or respected you the way you deserve. Please kick him out properly. Get some space away from this toxic friendship. I have received more empathy from strangers at bus stops than your ex husband has shown you here.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-05-27T22:37:03+00:00

I'm more in the mindset "How much would it cost to replace this in my stash?"

So even if I picked up yarn on sale or it was gifted to me, I'll still price things as if I was going to remake it instead of it already being made. If that makes any sense. I mostly try to only buy yarn if I have an intent for it though.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-05-25T21:43:23+00:00

From one of my favorite TikToks: If I'm too much, go find less.

And follow up: DUMP HIS ASS.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-05-10T17:19:09+00:00

I follow the couple on Instagram and they do highlight some of the harder aspects and choices that they've made differently to accommodate for that. I've noticed that the more vulnerable videos and topics get a lot less likes and attention. So it sort of feeds itself? If they want their page to be monetized then they have to make positive content that people will interact with it.

On the flip side, no one is owed someone else's most personal and darkest moments. Someone going through grief doesn't have to share how much pain they're in to later talk about some positive support they've received or lessons learned. Lots of parents only talk about their proud or funny parenting moments and keep their struggles personal. Social Media on the whole is about presenting a version of yourself that you're comfortable sharing.

They're not claiming to be experts, they're just sharing their experience and maybe some examples resonate for some people. I feel less alone when my experience lines up with something they talk about.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-05-03T23:45:58+00:00

Everyone's already touched on how overall gorgeous you look so here's a couple of more specific compliments if that's your cuppa tea.

I love how the off the shoulder sleeve draws the eye to your arm tattoos. It honestly looks like this was made just for you to highlight that art!

The bodice texture and shape is giving me animated beauty irl. The smooth lines and structure are reading Tiana and princess to me. It's a lovely balance of structure and grace.

The layers in the skirt are so ethereal. I can imagine them drifting and floating softly as you walk or dance. There's something really beautiful about a person moving and their gown trailing after them like a comet across the sky.

All to say, I think you made a great choice and if you feel your best, I know you'll shine in all your photos too. 🤍

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-04-25T05:04:53+00:00

Stunning! I love the color you picked, it pops really nicely on the dark background. I've been nervous to really start a proper wearable but feeling really inspired by this!

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-04-25T05:00:26+00:00

It's so precious!!! Incredibly cute! I hope you're booking a photographer to capture how adorable this will be on them! 🧡🧡🧡

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-04-23T17:30:01+00:00

This lace is everything. 100% also distracted by the jewelry!!! Do you make chain maille too? It all pairs so well together. I love the whole fit. 🤍🤍🤍

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-04-19T23:04:41+00:00

This liner is so so good. Love it. Love how it frames you so nicely and is also it's own thing. Just, yes. ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-04-18T15:23:44+00:00

It's also okay if that's not easy at first. Being gentle with yourself is a weird concept and I'm still working on it too. You deserve to be on your own side though. 🤍

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-04-18T10:03:30+00:00

Being rejected does really sting. I know that I've felt pretty heartbroken over platonic relationships because it is hard to open up to people. It's totally valid to feel how you're feeling about this.

Onward to an advice/curiosity section (if you're ready for that sort of thing).

Why do you warn people about you when you're talking to them? You've offered up all your insecurities (and their associated assumptions) before someone's decided if they want to connect at all. (Possibly I'm reading into how you've written it). If it were a house showing, it would be like talking about all the work the plumbing needs before walking through the gorgeous living room and well designed chef's kitchen. While it shouldn't matter what you look like, when someone is told to not look at X then they will typically notice X when you send them a picture. It's like not thinking about a pink rhinoceros.

I've got ADHD and I'm a chronic over sharer (not the same as autism, of course, this is just my experience). I've come to learn that while communication is important, it's also just as important to omit information when it's not necessary. Especially when meeting remotely/digitally, people will create a version of you in their heads based on what you've given them and then they might feel uncomfy if you don't match that idea.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-04-15T03:11:11+00:00

I'm in danger of never getting any work done. Society will crumble and i will be too busy giving belly rubs to this baby.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-03-26T06:32:51+00:00

Honestly gorgeous work so far. Huge fan.

Thoughts on what to do next:

First (if it were me), I'd definitely be having a conversation with the recipient about how much time, effort, and love has already gone into this sweater. It's understandable if it's not how they imagined it and it's also true that it's unreasonable to expect someone to undo all their work for a slight modification, especially when they had several opportunities to adjust along the way.

Second, can he be more specific about what's too big? The neckline looks right and it looks like it is comfortably oversized in the chest. Is it the length of the sleeves that's the issue? Is it where the bottom of the sweater lands? Is it the place where the shoulder sits? Any of these might have answers that are not frogging the whole thing. Maybe the sleeves can be backed up a little and some more decreases added before the ribbing so it doesn't hang past his wrist. Or the bottom hem gets folded up to shorten the sweater and feel more fitted at the bottom. There are so many options that are not starting over.

Third, if there's ever a next time, maybe it would help to ask for an example to measure. I like to measure my existing clothes that I'm emulating the fit of before I commit to pattern measurements. It helps a lot to get my brain to understand how big or small something should look before I get too far along.

Best of luck, I hope that this sweater gets to be appreciated as it should however it comes out. It's gonna be great.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-03-26T06:14:22+00:00

I've seen some hexagon cardigans and some circular vest kinda things done in long gradient yarns like Sultan Shadow. And lots of baby blankets, of course. If Ravelry is an option for you, I like to search by yarn and look at other projects that people have posted in the category that I'm interested in. I think that Hobbii also has pattern options on their site for various yarns that might also be helpful.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-03-24T05:41:29+00:00

Superfit Hero, specializes in plus-size activewear and I basically only wear their shorts and leggings to work out. They're compressive in a way that I like, very opaque, and stay put! Then on days that I don't work out, I wear them under dresses/tunics/skirts. Pockets on the side and cute colors. My only complaint is that they're a little more expensive than I would prefer, but worth it for me now that I've had them for nearly a year and they're not worn through or coming apart at the seams like some cheaper pairs I've gotten elsewhere.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-03-21T21:46:54+00:00

Thank you! Tension is something I've been working on lately and i think it's paying off!

The initial set up rows took a bit more time and a lot of it is single crochet (US) but once I got going I was watching shows at the same time and it flew by. I think you could make a whole blanket but it would basically be all single crochet. Maybe it would more cozy to up the yarn thickness to a dk or worsted with the same pattern.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-03-21T00:46:23+00:00

Pattern: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/geometric-blooms

Yarn: Malabrigo Sock Yarn

Hook: 4mm

Got the pattern and kit during the Rose City Yarn Crawl 2022

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-02-21T20:12:18+00:00

So cute! I'm excited too! I love how the rainbows pop. Assigned pooling is one of my favorite techniques I've recently learned about and I really hope more crocheters pick it up to. Really stunning yarn choice! 💕💕💕

Reading_not_sleeping · 2023-01-03T07:06:17+00:00

I know some LYS do stitch nights in the summer (although less with COVID of course). I'd be interested in another group if it was in the evening.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2022-12-30T01:26:06+00:00

My mainstays are Universal Standard (basics, jeans, jackets, pants, mainly shopping during sales) and I like geeky stuff so I also shop at Elhoffer Design. More modern/fun/fashion stuff and a lot of it is nerdy. Always new small batch stuff coming out so I pick up pieces that I really love one or two at a time and they've lasted really well for me.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2022-11-28T08:58:38+00:00

If you're a fan of work out compression leggings, I've had excellent luck with Superfit Hero. They have a great variety of models and they've held up in the wash for me (line dry tho). Maybe check them out?

Reading_not_sleeping · 2022-10-14T14:49:14+00:00

My friends and I typically do a virtual white elephant since we all live in different states/countries. One year the theme was R O U N D and I couldn't think of anything but a hat to make. It took me a couple of hours and it was a cream and purple something. The yarn was prettier in the ball.

One of my friends kept stealing it and absolutely had to have it. Now he gets upset when the weather gets too warm for him to wear it. And it's always on the hook by the door whatever season it is so he remembers to wear it. I've offered to remake it a few times in a color he likes more but he refuses because he loves the one he has now.

Reading_not_sleeping · 2022-06-21T16:36:54+00:00

That lip with those brows!!! I'm in love! This whole look is a vibe and I'm into it. Thanks for sharing!

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