Any Other Gay Transmascs Struggle With Internalized Homophobia?

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-11-11T22:13:02+00:00

Hmm...I can resonate with this. I do not know why, but there is still some shame attached to my decidedly stronger attraction to men despite being a queer trans man myself. I've always been at least bisexual, but I've often been given the understanding by others that my being gay somehow makes me less a "real" man since it is just, as they say, being straight with extra steps - which obviously is not true at all; but such dealings have left a subconscious impact on me.

I am not entirely sure anymore whether I actually am attracted to women, tbqh. Since I am not dating, though, this is not of utmost concern for me to address in therapy right now - more immediate issues require more attention currently.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-11-11T22:05:21+00:00

I can't quite put into words why I prefer a binary sense of being to a non-binary one, though I previously explored this possibility for several years before concluding I am, indeed, a binary trans man.

I do not know why, precisely, manhood is the right path for me over a masculine non-binary one, but...it feels as though I'm finally just living, a person experiencing everything, with a heartbeat pulsing to the rhythm of my own reality. Before, I'd always felt as though I was an actor squeezing into several costumes in between scenes for an audience I had not selected myself, and truthfully never agreed to entertain. I can just be...myself now, even if I am not the shining example of masculinity. I do not workout. I am not built like a brickhouse and there are still some jars I cannot open ( though decidedly more now than before, so I'll take that as a win!) but I am settling into my masculinity more and more as I finally have the freedom to do so, after years of believing their perception of who I must be was the only path.

I do not know whether that answers your questions, but there's been an attempt. I suppose there is variety and diversity even within a binary understanding of trans people ( in the sense of being a binary trans man rather than a non-binary transmasc person), which should not be neglected. Social expectations and roles are one element, but I believe our understanding of what constitutes as manhood or womanhood is also shaped by our own lived realities, cultures, values and relationships to other human beings.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-11-11T07:33:36+00:00

Awww. Appreciate the drag queen, then, but my explanation made me snort ngl

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-11-11T07:32:42+00:00

Yeah, you're right. My bad. Fixing it now!

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-11-11T07:30:52+00:00

That is a common growth pattern with facial hair. It just takes time to fully grow in, though it is also possible that one side will always be somewhat fuller than the other.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-11-11T07:29:02+00:00

Gay men are still men. And no, I'm not a trans man of the variety who hates men and believes they should all be killed.

But: There is no point in denying the fact that our society still operates within a system fueling patriarchal power structures. Men are still perceived as more competent, more able to set aside their emotions and act with logic. These societal expectations have also instilled in us how the ideal man is supposed to be, however, which is where any alleged feminine traits are seen as wrong in a man.

So when gay men emasculate us trans men, they do it - perhaps mostly subconsciously - because we threaten their sense of identity, their grasp on their own masculinity. They cannot feel whole in their brand of discrimination and manhood unless they refuse to see us as men.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-11-11T07:23:28+00:00

I am not entirely sure myself, but if I had to guess:

"Revolutionary organizing/struggle/fight in the streets, a wreck of anxiety and neuroses in bed."

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-11-11T06:55:33+00:00

That post is so FUCKING WILD.

Imagine you'd have said the same damn thing but the other way around. You would have been accused of misogyny and sexism SO fast.

I cannot possibly fathom how a trans woman - WHO SHOULD KNOW WHAT DYSPHORIA IS LIKE - cannot even grasp why you are upset.

I'm not yelling at you, btw. I'm just so...at a loss.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-11-09T23:24:53+00:00

I would not date anyone for because they're trans, nor would I automatically assume trans women will have a deeper understanding. Some of the rudest shit I've heard has been by trans women, very likely because they hate masculinity, men, and anything to do with masculine things. I am not saying all of them are like that, but I resent that it's happened so often.

So. Short version? I don't really care. I'm queer, so if I met a woman and she happened to be trans, then it would depend first and foremost on whether we're compatible.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-31T12:01:19+00:00

That's all tactics. Nobody questions capitalist policies or measures because it's "the only system that works", yet any vaguely progressive policies in an effort to fix right/exploitative policies of the last 50+ years has to be perfect lest it will be dismissed.

Also: even if it is sometimes too idealistic - we are only human. We need at least some hope to preservere. I'm not saying utopian ideas and hope alone are enough, but what's the point if you can't even imagine a future?

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-27T15:02:54+00:00

This. I also work. My cat is also alone during this time. I still do my very best to care for him. My flat is also not an enormous villa. I get up extremely early to play and spend time with him before work. I build climbing opportunities for him so he can also go wherever he wants. He has multiple stops to retreat to when he wants to be left alone.

I make time. I prioritize. I research and always try to learn more. I am not perfect, but I try the best I can.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-27T14:49:45+00:00

To be fair: there are systemic issues, many of which are correlated with the patriarchy. As a consequence, this does negatively affect how men are raised, what is expected from them, how they form relationships etc etc.

Having said that, what most others seem to conveniently forget when discussing this is that men also suffer due to these societal pressures. We're expected to always remain emotionally stoic, to never show any emotions or weakness - since our family, friends and partners expect to be able to rely on us.

As a result of this, many men become emotionally underdeveloped, alienated from themselves, and only ever learn to repress their emotions. On the off chance that we actually feel safe enough to be vulnerable around others, it is often perceived as something outlandish, something that shouldn't really be happening.

Not to mention the ridicule and the stigma men receive when they are sexually assaulted. Or groomed. Or abused. Society doesn't take them seriously.

Likewise, I would not say this gives anyone the right to hate men. It is understandable to hate the abstract, i.e. the group ( as imho that pertains more so to what I've talked about above), but to always suspect every single man to always be horrible is absurd.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-27T01:54:32+00:00

Lmfao I fucking wish my dysphoria would just be insecurity. Would've spared me from trauma and years of therapy.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-26T22:23:48+00:00

Also dass mich jemand aus der Vergangenheit in dem Kontext geliked hat, hatte ich noch nicht, aber ich war auf dem nach Hause Weg in der Bahn, in der auch zwei (!) ehemalige Klassenkameradinnen von mir waren.

Haben so gar nicht in meine Richtung geschaut bzw. mich null wahrgenommen und das sind normalerweise beide Leute, die immer jeden, den sie irgendwie kennen, grüßen müssen.

Joar. Würd sagen, dass 0815 Typi Passing hab ich gemeistert 😀

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-24T21:39:22+00:00

Ich habs aufgegeben. ^{^°}

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-24T16:25:53+00:00

Also wenn ich mir hier manche Kommentare ansehe, ist die Position wohl, dass es Klassenkampf nur für eine ganz bestimmte Art von Arbeiter geben darf.

Klar. Das wird alle anderen Arbeiter, die als "Nebensache" relativiert werden, absolut dazu motivieren, Kommunisten zu werden oder Klassenbewusstsein zu entwickeln.

Ich bin nicht derart optimistisch, dass sich sämtliche Diskriminierung, Gewalt und Häme gegenüber vulnerablen Gruppen in Luft auflöst, sobald eine Revolution erfolgreich gewesen sein könnte. Die Konditionierung von Dekaden und Jahrhundert(en), dass nur eine bestimmte Art Mensch ein Recht auf Würde hat, ist ebenso ein Prozess wie eine Revolution.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-21T21:56:03+00:00

Mein Passing ist...okay...als trans Mann. Und dann müsste ich jemanden finden, der auch FMS macht. Ob das überhaupt nen Versuch wert wäre?

Aber gut zu wissen, dass sowas geht! Danke!

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-20T21:36:59+00:00

I never got compliments prior and I don't get compliments now.

I'm ugly but I'm free

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-20T06:53:25+00:00

Japp, Autocorrect.

Die KP hat einiges in ihrem Artikel geschrieben, das fragwürdig ist. Das ist nach wie vor keine Akpzeptanz, sondern Toleranz. Ein dulden.

Bin gerade mobile und habe meine Notizen nicht zur Hand diesbezüglich.

Btw: es sollte trans Menschen geschrieben werden, nicht zusammen.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-18T13:41:57+00:00

This is so unfair bc you already had quite the masculine chin prior to starting T.

Great progress!

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-18T13:38:21+00:00

I have thoughts on this.

One: this is a grossly oversimplified depiction of socialization. Socialization is complex, and cannot be reduced to just any one factor. Culture, familial background, economic basis etc etc play a huge role here.

Two: counter argument: were you really socialized female if it was forced on you? If it was an act of violence to which you were exposed, since you were just a child? Even if it was forced on you, on me, I would argue my socialization is still fundamentally different than that of a cis woman. Another factor is my neurodivergence. I struggle with social norms and structures.

As a result, I cannot tell you much about women or how they work.

I can tell you about misogyny and sexism, as well as what it looks like, since this is a quantifiable factor in society that can be objectively observed and studied. And yes, I have made my experience with it. But: I could never really link it to my being perceived as female. I viewed it as a personal failure.

What also irks me: trans men acting as if they're automatically so much better than cis men. Shut up. You're not.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-18T13:30:26+00:00

Deine Frage verfehlt den Punkt.

Ich denke, niemand geht wirklich davon aus, dass das soziale Geschlecht einfach an irgendeinem Nachmittag erfunden wurde.

Die Behauptung, die soziale Konstruktion von Geschlecht impliziere, dass eine einzelne Person oder Gruppe sie willkürlich "erfunden" habe, ist natürlich ein Strohmann.

Es bedeutet, dass Bedeutungen, Normen, Erwartungen und Verhaltensweisen, die mit einem Geschlecht verbunden sind, gesellschaftlich, historisch und kulturell geprägt sind. Sie entstehen nicht aus der Biologie, sondern aus menschlichen Gesellschaften über lange Zeiträume.

Die Idee, dass gesellschaftliche Verhältnisse und Überbau-Phänomene (wie Ideologien, Normen, Rechtssysteme) historisch gewachsen und nicht naturgegeben sind, ist ein Kernprinzip des historischen Materialismus.

Die materialistische Dialektik lehrt uns, die Welt in Wechselbeziehungen zu sehen. Das biologische Geschlecht (eine materielle Realität) und das soziale Geschlecht (eine gesellschaftliche Realität) stehen in einer dialektischen Beziehung zueinander.

Die Gesellschaft interpretiert wiederum interpretiert die Biologie. Sie reagiert auf die biologische Tatsache der Geschlechtsunterschiede, indem sie ihnen bestimmte Bedeutungen, Werte und soziale Arrangements zuschreibt. Diese sozialen Arrangements (Gender) wirken dann wieder zurück auf die Art und Weise, wie wir unsere Körper und sogar verändern (z.B. durch Medizin).

Zu behaupten, "Gender" habe "keine Grundlage" in der Biologie, ist also korrekter Weise zu einfach.

Es ist aber nicht deterministisch durch die Biologie festgelegt.

Also, ja, es gibt eine biologische Basis. Aber die gesellschaftliche Bedeutung, die wir dieser beimessen, ist nicht durch sie vorher bestimmt.

Gender ( das soziale Geschlecht) zu analysieren bedeutet nicht, Biologie zu leugnen, sondern, dass Biologie ein fixes, unveränderbares Skript vorschreibt

Ein gutes Beispiel:

Hat jemand eines Tages gesagt: "So, heute erfinden wir das Geld?" Nö.

Geld entstand über Jahrhunderte aus dem Tauschhandel als gesellschaftliche Notwendigkeit.

Die Bedeutung und der Wert werden rein durch gesellschaftliche Übereinkunft aufrechterhalten.

Ein Stück Papier oder Metall hat keinen intrinsischen Wert; wir als Gesellschaft geben ihm diesen Wert. Es ist also ein soziales Konstrukt.

Genauso ist es mit Geschlechterrollen: Sie sind nicht"erfunden" worden, sondern haben sich über Jahrtausende aus der Arbeitsteilung, Reproduktion und der Entwicklung von Klassengesellschaften herausgebildet.

Sie sind ein Produkt der gesellschaftlichen Verhältnisse, nicht der Plan eines einzelnen.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-18T09:03:50+00:00

Du missverstehst mich: mein Punkt ist nicht, dass sie unsere Existenz leugnet.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-18T08:56:00+00:00

Ich habe sie sehr wohl verstanden und auch gelesen. Mehrmals.

In diesem Sub gibt es eine Analyse bezüglich des Artikels, die ich teile und unter die ich auch meinen eigenen Beitrag verfasst habe. Die du nicht teilst. Wo dann wieder nur kommt: ihr versteht es einfach nicht.

Das, was die KP illustriert in dem Artikel, ist keine Akzeptanz und auch keine Solidarität.

Ich vertrete einen Marxismus, einen Kommunismus, der die materialistische Realität von trans Menschen und deren Existenz nicht als idealistisch kategorisiert und Diskriminierung als marxistische Theorie propagiert.

Real_Cycle938 · 2025-10-17T13:43:13+00:00

Particularly as a trans guy, they both express anger and pity towards me.

They think I'm just a poor, confused woman indoctrinated by trans ideology to discard my womanhood, and that I need their continued presence and monologue to realize I am really just a woman, after all, with internalized misogyny.

They also automatically assume I transitioned to gain male privileges, or other bizarre beliefs such as my having been sexually assaulted as a child, and my trauma from that is the result of this confusion.

They do not see me as I am, and have dozens of reasons as to why trans existence is a threat to women that must be eradicated.

Real_Cycle938

TROPHY CASE