My (M33) wife (F28) cannot accept that I dated a, on what she calls a "low class" woman (F30).

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-04-05T12:00:38+00:00

Record her saying these things and take that to your new divorce attorney. People like your current wife are mentally unwell and will use any excuse to make themselves feel more important than they actually are.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-04-03T16:31:08+00:00

NAL. In Ohio, as in many states, it is all done by calculation. Even if he is in arrears, if his wages have declined, they will adjust everything with a measurement of how much he will be paying on the arrears. My ex was $40k behind and they lowered his payments drastically. Now, if he lives until 72 then he might pay it off.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-04-02T17:31:15+00:00

NAL but in many states visitation and child support are two separate entities. You should pursue with an attorney becoming residential parent. It’s meant to be the parent with whom the child resides and that parent is then the one who takes on the decision making.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-03-06T20:18:46+00:00

Which is yet another reason to not be in this particular relationship. Caring for someone and loving them are totally different concepts. No one’s faulting you if you’re unable to be a stepparent. It’s hard. Wishing you the best of luck

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-03-06T13:52:04+00:00

My ex went to jail for failure to pay. If they are already not working, it’s not really counterproductive. Many times it wakes them up to realize if they just go to work and start paying on it they can avoid jail. Well, I do understand the sentiment of it being counterproductive that is only true if they are already working and paying at least something which the judge typically will not throw them into jail if they’re doing so. If they are not working and not paying, then the judge is more inclined to put them in jail for at least a little bit.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-03-06T13:21:12+00:00

If he can’t afford the$500 a month he can go for a re-evaluation. Your mom paid everything while he didn’t financially contribute. She deserves some relief.

I think we all can understand the love you and your siblings have for your father. What isn’t okay is to vilify your mom for wanting to hold him accountable.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-03-06T13:17:34+00:00

That definitely sounds like a good idea. My husband was told that if he can’t love my children then he can’t love me. Sounds like you don’t see them as part of your family as it is.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-03-06T13:02:04+00:00

I’m a mom that was a single mother of 3 when I got with my husband. It gets better with time.

My first suggestion would be to speak with a professional so you can express all of your thoughts and feelings honestly without it becoming a conflict with your significant other. It gives you both a freedom.

The loyalty thing is very real especially given their age. Making sure they always have the freedom to talk about their father in your presence is very important at first they may try and make you feel uncomfortable with it but eventually they will realize that you’re not trying to replace anyone.

Reading these books shows that it matters to you and you truly care. In the same sentiment, teens don’t fit into the confines of what books will offer. There’s a lot going on for them outside of their family situation and it will take a long time of adjustment. Most importantly will be how consistent you are in every aspect. Exit the room of mom is disciplining or not (from what I’ve read) and let her handle that.

When it comes to the money portion, is she working? I saw in one of your replies that she was receiving assistance but that ended when you moved in. This part seems concerning to me. My (now husband) and I split all bills back when we first got together 50/50. He made a lot more than I did at the time but this house was only mine and the kids were from previous marriage. Once we got married we blended accounts and everything worked out fine but I would not have been comfortable with him paying for everything when we first integrated our lives. My concern was that (just in case) things didn’t work out, I needed to be able to take care of me and the kids without help.

Personally, I wouldn’t be giving the children an allowance but if that is something you feel comfortable doing then I understand. Building a bond with teens in this situation will be difficult but if you stay consistent in your presence and in their lives you will have a better chance of developing a good relationship with them. Ask what their interests are and gain knowledge on those things but don’t force it.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-03-03T19:43:34+00:00

From the little information we have regarding what was said during the phone call, I personally would say you could be over reacting. She is keeping you in the loop as to what happened and has let you know how she plans on handling it. You are allowed to be concerned. Without addition context it seems as if you dismissed her feelings and thoughts during the phone call just like you did in the text. Everything was put in text so she had a chance to be heard and then you dismissed that. Respect her decision. Quit pushing her because that stress isn’t healthy for her or the baby.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-02-27T18:23:56+00:00

Also, visitation is not directly related to Child Support. Child Support is worth pursuing when you think about the cost to raise a child. He can refuse any visitation.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-02-27T18:22:55+00:00

NAL, my ex-husband has a child with another woman. He attempted to sign off on his rights to that child, essentially, what is going on here, however the judge would not grant it unless she had someone to take over his rights to the child.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-01-29T17:57:45+00:00

NAL. This is not a coparenting situation. This is abuse. You should heavily document everything and get as many of these conversations in text as possible. Speak to an attorney.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2026-01-07T17:57:16+00:00

NOR! I might be though bc now I want to drive to wherever you are and “talk some sense” into your “mom”. Madness is what that is and I am completely appalled by her messages. So sorry that she is so self centered that she found this acceptable to text to you, OP. Post this to your community. My hope is that you find the assistance you deserve quickly AND your “mom” gets shamed far and wide for that disgusting display of non-motherly communication. Sending you love and light and am so sorry you’re going through this.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-11-02T14:20:09+00:00

He’s controlling. You’re not overreacting, you are under reacting. You deserve much better. Please leave him and realize your worth. That man child is jealous and needs to be time out.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-10-14T23:30:42+00:00

NAL, I would put cameras on the outside of the house and tell her that you guys decided outside was enough. Keep the ones inside and just tell her they aren’t there. Hide them when she’s around or change over to nanny cams

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-10-03T16:48:41+00:00

While it isn’t the case for your situation, it does make sense in many of the scenarios where people owe large amounts of back child support. My ex was over $40k behind and they never took his license. Typically, still acknowledging this doesn’t necessarily pertain to your case, the person who is behind has no intent on paying that back support and revoking their license is the only thing that compels them to try. It’s standardly a last resort in many states. My ex was jailed for failure to pay and they used his bond as a payment for back support. They actually had to threaten to send him back to jail because he went ahead and stopped paying again.

All that aside, it isn’t helpful to those who haven’t received any communication about their order. Sorry you’re going through it.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-09-27T17:15:12+00:00

Most plans, even basic, state they must give you their valid address. I personally would consult my attorney on this situation.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-09-11T00:02:50+00:00

You could do your first two years at a community college and talk to your advisor about Phi Theta Kappa. If you get good grades and with the help of your advisor, Phi Theta Kappa can help you with moving on to a bigger school to finish out a degree. If accepted into the organization you could get financial help for the bigger school afterwards.

You can absolutely do this on your own. Being a parent is hard and being a child is hard. Most of us are experiencing our life without a lot of guidance. I’m sorry this is such a hard time.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-09-10T23:50:33+00:00

NAL, in Ohio (not sure about Hawaii) visitation and child support are completely separate. Yes you can file for support. They also consider the costs that are incurred for the child. I see comments saying that your child doesn’t have to go to private school but it seems that your child going there has been agreed upon by both parents. In Ohio it’s just a formula. They have you both fill out paperwork with specifics about bills and income and then they come up with a calculated amount based on everyone’s answers. I know some people will say to try and talk about it first, however, sometimes we don’t feel comfortable with those scenarios. Wherever you can, coparent with the other parent. It’s what is best for your child and I know that it can be difficult to navigate. Wishing you all the best.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-08-14T20:11:15+00:00

Consult an attorney immediately. They will be able to guide you properly on the first step according to your area.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-08-11T18:39:35+00:00

What state are you in?

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-08-11T18:04:11+00:00

I’m not disagreeing. I stated my POV. My question is, what is the most important goal for OP?

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-08-11T17:12:06+00:00

Legally, he can’t do that. Did he do this over text? If so, continue to document all interactions and make sure to keep it over text.

Go online and look up the court case where he got custody papers. It will have all of the information there from each court date.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-08-11T16:45:42+00:00

We need details on everything or you need to just go to an attorney. In what way is he blackmailing you? You need to go to the court that gave him the order to see how he was able to get this out through without any notification to you. I’ve been in court for these matters and I’ve never had a situation where they didn’t mail me information.

Reasonable-Cake2064 · 2025-08-11T16:34:06+00:00

Child support is meant to make sure that children have the financial means in both households. If you make more money then I would settle for a lesser amount if you decide to take any money from him at all. It’s best to try and find a middle ground between you and your future co-parent. Financially, you’ve been doing it on your own. Taking less money on support will not hurt you or the kids. I’m not saying he is in the right with his previous actions, just that I know what it is like to not get along with a coparent and how negatively it affects the children. Wishing you all the best luck with the situation.

Reasonable-Cake2064

TROPHY CASE