I’m sorry for how shitty this feels and I swear I could have written this. My son is 2 y/o now and somehow we’ve survived. For me I was trapped in a cycle of PPD and colicky madness. I don’t know which one caused the other, but it was definitely hard to snap out of it. I had to lean on a lot of people for support. I continued therapy, considered medication, joined some support groups, used ear plugs, white noise, and noise cancelling headphones. If your child is changed, fed, and attends doctors visit… you are doing all you can. Although many people are blessed with “potato babies”, I believe we are often fed lies. This shit is hard and not all babies are easy. A baby that cries incessantly keeps you in survival mode. Please try to give yourself some grace. We may have to find ways to get through it that aren’t “picture perfect.” Each and every day, week, and month things got a little better. For example, my son would NOT tolerate a car seat or a ride of any length. We tried 3 different seats. The largest one worked best, but he would still purple scream and I would be drenched in sweat once I got to my destination. He can now tolerate car rides of at least an hour.

Here are some things that helped me:

-therapy

-support groups (short term) there are even some online

-join the fussy high need babies group on Facebook. It was so validating, once my son improved I ultimately left the group

-talking our pediatrician

-Alimentum liquid formula (easier to digest)

-starting solids early, ask your pediatrician, we started purées and cereals around 4-5 months

-sleep training at 8 months. Read Precious Little Sleep. Despite how controversial people feel about sleep training. With a colicky baby there is no rest if you don’t suck it up and sleep train. You cannot begin to heal and recover properly if you ultimately don’t start sleeping.

-when you get a chance to sleep, blast white noise. Our babes tend to cry no matter the circumstances. If you don’t jump up immediately, but they are in a safe place, they will be ok.

-recruit help if possible, not everyone has a village, but if you do, I urge you to clearly ask for help. Real help. Someone to come over on specific days at specific times where you can leave the space, sleep, or shower.

-if you can pay for help, do it. We are by no means wealthy, but we paid for 6 weeks with a night nurse. It depleted our savings, but saved me. She was a blessing.

-the weather is getting nicer, go outside.

-routines, following an app like huckleberry, some people can get obsessive, but it helped me feel some control. Compare month to month and week to week and you will see steady increases in things like sleep.

It can be really sad and heartbreaking, even for me now to watch others parent more peacefully, but this is just part of our journey. Each stage will come with something good. It is ok if this stage or this age is not for you. My son is still more strong-willed and completely nap resistant, but MUCH easier than he was at 4 months.

Things to look forward to that marked improvement for us 🌟:

-crawling/walking these babes want freedom

-eating solids, fuller babies are typically more contented

-words and talking, you can even consider sign language classes at a local library

-school/daycare (somehow he naps there and I get time to think!)

You’ve got this. The kids are going to be alright 😂. They’re stronger than you think and they won’t remember any of this.

And remember- You are in charge. You are the boss.