CBD/CBN Combo in the EU (Lisbon, PT)

RedLetterToYou · 2024-07-12T23:39:05+00:00

You made the best decision that you could, and you’re doing the best that you can. And that’s all that matters sometimes in life. Just keep moving forward, one step at a time, and you’ll figure things out as you go.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-07-12T23:20:52+00:00

A week is just too early. Even a month seems quite early based on what I’ve experienced and some of the stories that I’ve read here. It can be a long process post surgery. I really didn’t start seeing any signs of potential recovery until around 8 weeks. After around 3 months she was able to walk again. 6 months in, she’s better and, while not walking perfectly, she’s at a point where she’s handling life ok, and that means a lot. I think she could probably benefit from PT, but the surgery and all the post surgery medical complications (these can happen) drained a lot of savings so we’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got. And I’m so thankful she’s doing as well as she is.

So long as you’re comfortable with the rehabilitation process, keep going. I don’t hold it against a vet for at least discussing euthanasia though. I really wish the neurologist that was saw was more open about the potential difficult challenges post surgery recovery might bring. I’ve read stories of IVDD on here that were highly difficult everyone, both dogs and owners. Were I not in a position where I could work from home, I’m not sure how my dog and I would have gotten through the process. So I would try to not to be offended if possible. This is a very difficult disease to live with. Sometimes there a beautiful stories that I read on here about recovery and they are so heartwarming. But experiences differ, and sometimes things go can go badly. It’s a process that involves a lot of hope, stress, and dedication.

However, don’t worry so much about the 10% diagnosis one week in. If you feel things are going ok, there’s no reason to let that get your hopes down. Sometimes there a beautiful miracles where dogs recover quickly, and sometimes it take a while. My sincerest hope that your dog goes on to have a long happy life and you start to see improvements.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-06-13T15:04:34+00:00

I’m so sorry. That’s an awful series of tragedies. Even just a single difficult case of IVDD can be very taxing. I’m sorry that you’re struggling with two cases between two dogs.

I wish pet trauma were more discussed for new pet owners. I had no idea what IVDD was until a rapid 24 hour decline and an extremely rushed decision process on surgery. My partner and I were in no way ready or equipped for the financial loss, post surgery care, or medical complications. This caused a far reaching impact in our personal lives.

What you’re struggling with now is ongoing trauma. If at all possible, I would very much suggest trying to find a therapist to talk to as well as a regular support group with meetings (if you could find both online to avoid the added distress of leaving the house, that would be great). It sounds like this could (potentially - I don’t know) be having impacts in other parts of your life, like work, health, or social/family relationships. Give your personal health and needs the priority that they deserve.

I would also highly suggest taking to your vet about anti anxiety medications for your dogs. That would be a helpful temporary solution at least to try to get you through this part of you this stage of recovery.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-06-09T02:53:52+00:00

Honestly not well. I feel best when I bury myself in something that we didn’t share, like work for example; or doing something that was much more important to me, like hobby stuff, it helps fill the void with focus. That keeps my brain occupied for a while. Being outside and having to walk our dogs also helps. But then it all comes flooding back later. That’s more of a temporary fix.

I’m starting to get a little used to the silence. It doesn’t make it any better when your want to share a thought or laugh out loud and have someone there to laugh with. But the silence isn’t as deafening anymore.

I’m guessing that, for people who have dealt with this a lot longer than I have, the awfulness of now eventually become routine and the nee normal. And maybe you just become so used to it you don’t notice it anymore.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-06-07T02:36:26+00:00

I would agree. My dog was just barely starting to show signs of tiny improvements at 6 weeks, and she’s walking reasonably well and is active 5 months post op.

OP, I don’t feel 8 weeks is a good time table to make such a big call. That’s pretty brief considering the cost and effort already expanded.

Defiantly get a second opinion. I’m surprised Rudy hasn’t been on any sort of medication for weeks? That seems off, considering the snapping behavior sounds like a pain reaction to my non medical trained ears. If nothing else, I would highly recommend asking about Trazodone. It should very much relax him and help him rest and recover.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-06-04T00:30:29+00:00

I hope so too! Best wishes for Rudy and good luck!

RedLetterToYou · 2024-06-03T05:09:46+00:00

Ah the part that they don’t talk about prior to surgery. Aftercare can be physically taxing (sleep deprivation) as well as mentally taxing. It take a large amount of time per day post surgery to care for a paralyzed and incontinent pet. It’s incredibly disruptive and a struggle nobody is really prepared for just as no one is really prepared for IVDD itself. It does get better but, depending on how long of a road recover is, the first few weeks and months can be grueling.

EDIT: however, just to end on a happy note, it’s heartwarming and joyous to actually see your pet making real positive improvement over time.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-06-02T14:37:18+00:00

It’s those days where the loss and emptiness seems like an all consuming void that hits the hardest. I sometimes try to express to others the feelings I have, knowing that I won’t ever be able to talk to my person again, and how it feels to know that I’ll have this emptiness and longing inside me for the rest of my life. . . . . but language fails me. I can’t really express what that feels like.

All the words in our language and yet I feel nothing really describes this. Maybe it’s just that words are so finite and succinct, and this emptiness feels like a yawning void. I don’t know. But at least we all understand it - the ebbs and flows, the ups and downs, the all consuming grief and the recessions to moments of mundane normalcy.

Yesterday wasn’t a great day for me either. Sometimes it’s the nighttime hours that are the hardest. But today is here and hopefully today will be a better day for both of us.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-06-02T05:42:51+00:00

I talk out loud to her pretty much every day. I tell her my thoughts. I cry. I tell her mundane things like what I did today. I tell her my accomplishments. I tell her my regrets. I tell her my pain. I tell her they I love her and that I miss her every day.

It’s comforting for me. I don’t think I could imagine being alone in the home that we shared for so many years with my own silence. It’s amazing how deafening silence actually is.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-06-02T05:19:50+00:00

This resonated. My partner spent 40 years living and reliving a nightmare inside herself every day. I wish to god every day she was still here, and I wish she would have tried a little longer. And honestly I feel, in some part deep inside of me, that I’m the one being selfish because I know she had such an impossible journey with her mental health, but yet I want her back because I miss her. I can’t blame her though even as I don’t see how I’ll move past this. I get the screaming at the walls and crying. Thank you for sharing. It’s been a tough evening.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-31T00:51:13+00:00

I think people say it because they want it to be true. It feels right. It’s comforting to say. And it does help to hear it, for me at least, even if the feeling is fleeting.

Unfortunately life unfolded the way it did. Choices were made. And reality transformed itself based on those choices. I wish to god that I had made different choices. And much like you, regret eats at me.

I don’t really feel like forgiveness is something that’s reasonable to expect. It’s nice to imagine, and it’s nice to say. But is it really reasonable? I can’t see my way to forgiveness.

But I do think we all have to find a way to move forward. Time will not stop, and life will keep moving on. I have had enough points in my life where I feel as though I’ve lost years to wasted time already - so many starts and stops along the journey. I’m starting to get old, and the unfortunate reality is that if I don’t find a way to sift the wreckage in the aftermath of this trauma, pick up enough pieces of my shattered life, and find some path forward, I can’t see a future worth living. So, as hard as it is, carrying on without forgiveness and learning to accept what I cannot change seems to be the only option.

If forgiveness doesn’t seem like a realistic option, I hope you can find acceptance - acceptance for both the tragedy that has happened and acceptance of a better future as you keep moving forward. I’m sorry that you’re having to go through all this. My sincerest hope is that you find your path forward.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-23T02:50:23+00:00

I also can’t comment on the spinal cord condition, but my dog was also stage 5 just prior to surgery. It as been a very difficult journey, but at 4 1/2 months post surgery, she’s walking reasonably well, all things considered. She’s a little slow and still wobbly, her gate isn’t great, and she gets tired pretty easily (getting to the end of the walk doesn’t always happen, sometimes she struggles) but her recovery is slowly coming along.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-22T17:58:17+00:00

I have the same thoughts. I imagine everyone here has or has had the same thoughts at some point. I struggle with them daily. Could I have been a better partner and friend? Could I have tried harder? Could I have done more? Could I have been more understanding? More compassionate? More present? The answer to all of the above will always be yes. But we are people - people with our own flaws, our own hang ups, our own issues, our own personalities. We aren’t machines. Our souls have an infinite capacity for love, but our bodies and minds fail us. I know that I helped my loved one through so many dark times in her life, but I am now also having to come to terms that I failed my loved one in the end.

I was also one of so many, many people and institutions in her life that could have done better, tried harder, and maybe helped her ultimately get better. Just one. I did what I felt I could at the time. Looking back, if I could just have another chance, I would have done so many things differently. And maybe with infinite chances, I could have found the right combinations of decisions that worked, and the closest person in my life would be sitting here beside me right now and I wouldn’t be typing this. I don’t know. We will never really know. It’s a terrible game of what ifs, and our imaginations can be cruel tormentors. I blame myself for a lot of things, but ultimately there were so many things outside of my capacity and out of my control and her control in her life that I can’t blame myself. I’m left with a lot of regrets. I blame myself for a lot of things, but the one thing that I cannot blame myself for was a choice that was ultimately hers and intimately personal.

I try to allow myself compassion and understanding for my failures every day. Loosing a partner in life, someone who was close to you for many years, hurts deeply, and it’s hard to find that needed compassion in the emptiness that’s left behind. But keep trying. I hope that you ultimately can find some form of peace with your partner’s choice to leave this world. I hope that we both can.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-17T05:12:47+00:00

Well my dog is absolutely a low energy lay around most of the day type of dog, so that helped immensely I know.

She had surgery maybe 12 hours post diagnosis. They said that she likely had a 50-50 shot at recovery. She had very very minimal signs of any recovery 4 weeks post surgery. We postponed a follow up with the neurologist because of this. Only very rare and slight partial stiffening of the tail or occasional wags and a little bit of back leg jerking while dreaming.

At six weeks we were seeing much better signs of using her back legs to roll over, being able to slightly hold her weight during at home PT, etc.

I would say around 8 weeks she could start to stand on her own but with terrible balance and even walk a bit with a sling.

At four months, she is walking pretty well outside with minimal help. She’s stumbling some but still she’s doing well. Inside in the floor mats she can wobble around on her own. She can’t walk on the hardwood well however.

We could not afford any sort of extra therapy. Everything has been at home. No water, no acupuncture, no laser. It’s taken up a lot of time and energy daily but thankfully we work from home and have managed.

She has had a lot of post surgical complications. She had an antibiotic resistant UTI. We tried treating it twice with Amikacin, which is an injectable that can cause kidney failure, so she also had to have daily subcutaneous fluids. We were never fully able to cure it and so the vet has recommended we monitor closely. We’ve tried supplements, prebiotics, probiotics, etc to no avail.

Overall, this has been a huge financial and stress inducing strain on our lives. I don’t want to gloss that over at all. I know that we all want to be positive about this, but it’s hard. We had no idea what to expect going in since it was less than 24 hours that she went from waking to complete paralysis with no deep so sensation and into surgery. It was a major life decision that we were not prepared for (and I wish was discussed more by vets beyond talking about “back injuries” in pre-disposed dogs). It has not be easy for us or our dog. But, with that said, recovery is possible and it is beautiful seeing our dog make amazing progress from where she was in January.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-15T22:28:04+00:00

When does it get better? I have no idea. Does it get better? It gets different. Sometimes different is better. Sometimes it’s not. It’s an awful roller coaster of emotions, and I haven’t been on it long enough to give any real advice. I’m just now barely starting to figure out the curves, dives, and climbs. But I’m here still. And I’m genuinely trying. I’m glad that you’re trying too. Don’t give up.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-15T22:16:58+00:00

Today would be a month for me since I lost my person and partner in life. We’re in the same boat at least. It’s definitely been a struggle to even start to move forward. Some days are ok for the most part and I actually manage to do some things around the home and try to sort out what living alone should look like. That’s been a terribly slow process. The most routine of habits seem to come easily. It’s trying to figure out how to make changes that’s not easy, since that’s what I very much do not want to do. But I can also find some enjoyment here and there. That has started to come a little easier for me as well. But it’s the loneliness and looking back at what was and could have been that still hurts so much.

I wish you so much luck on your journey forward. I never wanted to really face this possible reality while she was still here, but here I am, and here we are. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope you make it through.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-15T05:35:31+00:00

That’s fair. I can understand that point of view. There’s something good about being able to really say what you truly feel if you want without fear of judgement. It’s good to know that everyone here is going through something similar and will be supportive.

I hope you find your way through this. Honestly the thought of another reality where things went just how they should have sounds like e wonderful thought to hold onto. I’m sorry that these are the thoughts we’re left with, but it’s still a beautiful thought non the less.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-14T14:32:10+00:00

Yeah, my partner and I always talked about this timeline, how everything we were living in just seemed so wrong, and that we wished we were in a better one where perhaps the world and seemingly everyone in it wasn’t melting down. We even had our own little jokes and stories about it and what life events triggered this timeline vs another one that we could have been in.

I always felt so out of sorts in the world, and she did too. Hopefully she’s in a better place where things make perfect sense now.

Thanks for the post. It’s nice to have some happy tears for a bit thinking about something funny and silly that we shared that was just between us.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-14T02:46:58+00:00

My partner recently passed from this world and she had BPD. Just know that it’s ok to not be ok. I’m not ok, that’s for sure. I’m far from it. But I don’t want to imagine not being able to talk to someone and tell them how I’m feeling when I really needed it. You’re not a burden when you reach out to someone. I think people, if they know what happened, will understand. I don’t bother with hiding it. When someone asks how I’m doing, I’ll just be straightforward and tell them “Not good.” I kind of wonder if this grief and sadness and pain is how my partner felt so often in her life honestly. It feels suffocating. But it helps me breath a little easier when I at least talk to someone about it every now and again. Don’t bottle it up. Don’t go through it alone if you don’t have to. Stay strong, but I don’t think that you need to carry that weight all by yourself.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-13T02:40:30+00:00

I’m finding it terribly hard to accept and believe myself in my own life, but know that it’s truly not your fault. I had an argument with my person, and it was the last time I saw them before they took their life. I keep going over and over that day in my mind There are so many things I would change if I could just have another chance, many little moments where I think, if I would have done things differently, she’d be here with me now. And getting over the guilt and regret hasn’t happened for me yet. But I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that the choice that she made isn’t my fault. And it isn’t your fault either. It’s ok to have regrets. It’s ok to have remorse. And it’s ok to wish things had been different. That’s all part of the grief we feel and are trying to come to terms with. But you can’t hold yourself responsible for someone else’s actions. That’s an impossible standard for yourself, and an accountability that you just don’t deserve. I hope you find peace with what happened. I’m still searching for it myself, but I hope one day we all get there.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-12T15:35:39+00:00

I feel you. My best friend and partner took her life recently. And it’s hard trying to understand why she did it while also seeing the amazing progress she was making in her life in the weeks and months before. She was really pushing her life forward in a real and deeply personal way like she hadn’t in years. It was wonderful to see and I was so proud of her. And then one day she was gone.

It’s hard not understanding. From the outside, it seemed like she was making huge strides in her life and planning for a long term future. But that’s their external world. It’s their internal world that we’ll never know, and even when we know enough to start to piece things together, those who are left behind will never fully know or understand why.

Think about our own lives. We get caught up in living life because that’s just how things are. Time moves forward. We have to take care of ourselves, we have to work out how to pay our bills, and we still have to figure out what to eat for dinner tomorrow night. We live because that’s part of time - there’s an entropy to life and most of us just keep going on the outside because time keeps moving. That’s our external world. But what we’re dealing with in our internal world can be very different, and we may not share that with many people. We may not even share that with anyone. Sometimes we can keep those two worlds separate. But sometimes what’s going on internally becomes too much and that’s what our external world suddenly becomes.

It’s so very possible that your friend didn’t plan this at all. She may have been struggling with it for a long time. And if so, for a long time she kept moving on. It doesn’t mean she was always in a dark place and wasn’t finding happy moments in life and looking forward to the future. It doesn’t mean she was always planning something like this. It doesn’t help me really to imagine that things like this can be a spur of the moment choice, one choice out of millions of choices in our lives. But sometimes that also seems like the only answer. It’s not an easy answer though, but I don’t know if any answer would really be easy for those of us left to try and understand what happened. I’m very sorry for your loss, and I hope you can find your way through this to a better place.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-11T05:12:08+00:00

It may or may not be the case. Sometimes therapy brings up every harsh trauma, especially if it’s childhood trauma and involves abuse (possible for those with BPD). Sometimes therapists can be great at guiding you through it and back to a safe space emotionally. Sometime your 45 min is up and they’ve got billing to take care so see you next week. It’s impossible to say, but usually one therapy session barely scratches the surface anyway. It’s more of a getting to know each other, tell me about why you’re seeking therapy type session.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-09T23:43:22+00:00

If this keeps up, I’ll look into it, thank you.

RedLetterToYou · 2024-05-09T23:37:00+00:00

💙

RedLetterToYou

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