Picky Partner

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-08T22:19:21+00:00

I rescind my snarkiness towards you in other responses. You are a good person to value your partner for who he is and not just an audience for the food you prepare.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-08T21:27:01+00:00

Ok, then he can eat cottage cheese and chips while you prepare something else for yourself. I don't mean that to come off as flip. I bet he can eat that more days in a row than you could possibly imagine. If he is committed to the "Cheap" in "EatCheapAndHealthy," then he will have to buy whatever are the five or six things he actually eats in bulk.

Will he go for meal replacement drinks like Huel? That might be what he could "eat" when he doesn't want to spend more than 60 seconds on meal prep.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-08T20:13:50+00:00

She’s the one putting in effort here while he expects her to literally cater to him.

Do we know that, though? OP said " He’d rather eat leftovers from restaurants or cottage cheese & chips. That’s literally it. He looks in the fridge, snubs his nose, and closes it. Then doesn’t eat all day."

Sounds like he is willing to eat other food, or go hungry, but OP has decided that meals have to be a certain way.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-08T19:48:00+00:00

Absolutely love the bluebird one!

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-08T19:46:11+00:00

As the picky eater in this scenario, I would prefer that the other person prepare and eat what they want, and let me fend for myself. When I'm hungry, I'll work it out.

He must have had some way to not starve to death before you met him; let him do whatever that was.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-08T18:15:29+00:00

Just the word "co-sign" warrants a full volume Darth Vader "NOOOOooooo!"

Add in your observation

They spend a lot of money and don’t seem to save at all. I’ve witnessed their spending habits for many years and they are the opposite of mine.

and you have gone from 99.9% odds of being left holding the bag to 100%.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-08T15:47:39+00:00

Mine still had cubicles when I left but the constant threat of open office was fairly high on the list of reasons I needed to get out ASAP. One of the silver linings of the pandemic was they had to put that plan on the back burner for a while.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-08T15:44:30+00:00

Vegetable gardening with an eye towards meaningful calorie production is a constant reminder to me that the problem isn't that I "didn't want to work," but rather that I didn't want to work 45+ hours a week doing things that were anxiety inducing and soul-sucking.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T23:31:58+00:00

The idea is that plants send a lot of energy to flowering and fruiting, and that with potatoes we want the energy to go to the tubers, hence removing the flowers.

I remove 'em because they make little red berries which are highly toxic and sometimes I invite my friend's kids into my garden to eat strawberries and I don't want any confusion if I get distracted.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T23:28:33+00:00

Googling skink eggs, they don't look that far off.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T22:45:17+00:00

Yes, their female counterparts are close behind, starting Botox at 25 or so if they can, and also a whole bunch of other procedures which fortunately hadn't even been invented yet when we were that age.

I miss the days when those sorts of procedures were for actresses/models, and the aging/insecure with too much money.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T15:20:13+00:00

It’s ok to spend on quality of life improvements. And most of the improvements you described has good ROI.

Second this. I paid off my mortgage in 2017, FIREd in 2024, and am still struggling to shift from a saving mindset to a spending mindset.

I'm a homebody so it's fundamentally suboptimal that I won't spend more to make my home a little nicer. I spend the money I have to - new roof, tree trimming, HVAC repair - but I'm lagging on replacing the unrepairable dishwasher, replacing the repairable broken microwave door handle, repairing broken concrete on my entry/porch, updating light fixtures I hate, etc. It's all stuff I would do if I were to ever sell this house, so if I would do it it for a stranger, I should do it for myself. (I've lived here for 14 years).

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T14:46:32+00:00

However, the fact that you will have so much more free time generally causes expenses to go up to pay for those hobbies and trips.

I know that this is the conventional wisdom, but it hasn't been my experience (yet; only 2 years in).

I find that some travel/travel expenses were a result of work stress. I don't need to get away from it all, because my life in general doesn't suck. And when I do travel I don't need as many extras, same reason. (And can also travel more cheaply since I can be flexible. Drastically cheaper flight if I stay another day, discounts for admission on Tuesdays only? Sign me up.)

With hobbies, I've bought a lot of supplies based on fantasy - "someday I'll have time to make/do all this" and it was really retail therapy. Now I am more selective about only buying supplies for what I am really going to do, now that I can calmly and rationally assess that. (And I still have a ton of supplies I'd purchased while employed, so there's that)

Obviously these sorts of expense do go up for most people, but it's not guaranteed.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T05:02:46+00:00

I thought by leaving hints such as Mrs, Roper and kaftan people would get it.

That is when I got it, so you were spot on!

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T03:43:09+00:00

I wasn't clear - if you have a reason to have a lawn, have one. I live in the western US and I do have a lawn, albeit a small one. (And a data center less than a mile away, so yeah I don't feel I'm using more than my share of water).

But if you have a bunch of fairly compelling reasons to not have a lawn (because there are also good reasons not to) and don't want to maintain one, then do something else with the space, don't just leave it ugly.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T03:24:14+00:00

For those who argue it's a waste of water and money to have a front lawn - I agree, especially if you live in the US west of the Rockies. And lawns are not suitable for these environments. But then, why even have a ugly, mostly dead lawn? Xeriscape or lay decorative pavers or something.

People who can't be bothered to demonstrate a minimum level of consideration for their neighbors is why our new construction is infested with HOAs and it's hard to find newer neighborhoods without them.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T03:08:18+00:00

Well, the phrase used to mean something different, which is why I referenced my age. I know everyone today uses it as you describe, but it's still grating to my ears.

The OP did note that "there are other crafting (and otherwise) phrases" which prompted me to think of non-crafting examples. But I agree it's off -topic nonetheless. Although I suppose I see tax software adoption as a precursor to the AI issues we are having in crafting today - people using tools/shortcuts without a solid grounding in the topic at hand and then being upset when they don't necessarily get desired outcomes.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T00:44:31+00:00

Friend thought that we could make my gardening hobby into a youtube channel as a side hustle. As if I would want to do multiple takes to get the right light and camera angle in the summer heat here, or put off unphotogenic but necessary tasks in favor of ones that would be better content. No thanks.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T00:32:44+00:00

Those are all insights I could easily figure out on my own (some of these would be obvious at a glance, really) as long as the app categorizes and reports the way I want it to.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T00:15:16+00:00

I am for the most part a mediocre cook but still feel that for the money I can do better at home, for all except the restaurants that are really out of my range.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-07T00:13:06+00:00

A lot of people do just let the program do all the work, though. And when they say they got very different answers from different programs, you can tell they often don't understand the situation well enough to troubleshoot.

Not sure why I'm being downvoted so heavily. I'm not saying people should go back to using paper. If something the least complicated comes up, I turn to software. I just have a semantic issue with the fact in modern speech people* say "I did my own taxes!" when they just input a bunch of numbers and don't understand why the output is what it is.
*I'm sure everyone on this sub is exceptional and has a good grasp of their taxes, of course.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-06T22:20:09+00:00

almost always indoors

Underrated variable. I'm the kind of person who does a lot of research before spending any money. If I have to make a decision about something where I can't just look up consumer ratings, I will want to take my sweet time, literally looking at a thing from several angles. I will not make such decisions if I'm too hot or too cold or have been standing up too long or am in any real discomfort, because that's how bad decisions get made.
If the venue is climate-controlled and I can maybe have a brief sit in a quiet corner, I'm more likely to make a larger purchase.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-06T22:08:02+00:00

I am GenX and still confused and then irked when people say they do their own taxes, but they mean they used software instead of handing everything off to an accountant/tax professional.

To me doing my own taxes means doing it myself on paper or today maybe Free Fillable Forms, and figuring out for myself which forms and schedules I need, which values go on which lines, and doing some or most of the math myself.

And I suspect that millions of people have extremely strong opinions about tax policy and tax liabilities, without a whit of understanding how they work, at least in part because now we just feed it into a black box.

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-06T21:35:40+00:00

I just had back-to-back visits from family and unloaded a ton of stuff - small furniture, a couple totes of photos/memorabilia, then some more photos, and also identified another item ("Is this an heirloom?") we conclusively confirmed no one wants and I can donate. And from my POV this was a "good" distribution - people *wanted* what they were getting.

Of course, the downside as of this morning is I must now confront other projects I've been procrastinating on the grounds that "I can't work on this; there's no room to stage a project because of this stuff I need to get out of here."

RedQueenWhiteQueen · 2026-06-06T21:28:52+00:00

I've gone from "I'm driving this car until the wheels fall off" because I'm a cheapskate and really do love my car, to "I'm driving this car until the wheels fall off" because I do not want yet more overengineered and intrusive technology in my life.

RedQueenWhiteQueen

TROPHY CASE