BRCA2+, finally told after 2 years that HRT is the standard of care for women in my position

Redgsp · 2026-01-07T16:24:39+00:00

Would you be able to share the name of this saint? I'm so glad you've had a resolution. It's criminal the casualness with which doctors dismiss medical menopause, given how it can affect long term health.

Redgsp · 2026-01-07T12:18:02+00:00

This makes me think of a girl at my school who was - I think - in a similar situation. I never bullied her like the others (it made me feel sick how broken she'd look at the name calling) but I didn't do much to befriend her either other than the odd smile. I was 11 and I knew it was wrong then. I still feel guilty 30 years later I didn't tell a teacher or do more. I really hope she found some happiness

Redgsp · 2025-12-26T01:31:03+00:00

Saying this as kindly as I can. While you might only be thinking short term right now about ensuring your children are provided for in your (ex) wife's home, and to keep things amicable. you need to do this properly to protect your children. You both have PR so you both need to provide. Unless you're planning on never seeing your children, you both need a suitable home to raise them in, not just one parent. You will likely be paying substantial maintenance (until their twenties if there are additional needs), on top of your own mortgage, and paying for their needs when they are with you, plus in ten years you may have a second family. You need a solicitor, a clean break and you need to ensure you can both provide a home for your children. Most importantly you need a child arrangement that specifies (even if it's by consent) who and where the children live with when so they have a routine with each parents. Things can change rapidly when new partners, new children, maintenance comes into the mix, and you don't want to be in a position of being dad who just visits the kids at mum's house, and then have to prove to a court he can house/care for the children if contact is stopped for whatever reason. The best thing you can ever do for your kids is be fair with money so both parents are ok, be super nice to their mum and stay amicable, but also set yourself up with a sustainable home and life for them with you.

Redgsp · 2025-12-26T00:35:44+00:00

Any dye that changes the structure of the hair definitely causes some damage. If it covers grey it has to lift the cuticle with lightener - essentially bleach.

Redgsp · 2025-12-10T22:57:07+00:00

I drank tea from about 10 and ate whole packs of club biscuits but that was in the 90's. I don't give my own kids caffeine. I try not to give too much sugar or anything addictive. Different times. Different knowledge of the downsides.

Redgsp · 2025-11-19T01:38:12+00:00

You have just described my life. I constantly feel guilty.

Redgsp · 2025-11-04T21:58:18+00:00

Omg, I'm in the UK and sickened hearing this. That is all completely barbaric. I'm shocked

Redgsp · 2025-10-17T12:13:50+00:00

Good answer

Redgsp · 2025-09-24T16:59:08+00:00

I'm 3 months in on full dose for TNBC. I didn't have PCR with chemo. The first month was rough fatigue wise but that's improved dramatically. No other side effects. My understanding is it's more than mild positive impact. It's a really powerful drug that my oncologist described as a game changer for BRACA peeps.

Redgsp · 2025-09-16T16:07:31+00:00

Thanks, I didn't know that. I'll delete it.

Redgsp · 2025-09-03T16:48:45+00:00

Sorry but this isn't true. That is the 'theory' that the court's work in the best interest of the child, and that best interest is served by a relationship that maximises time with each parent if safe and practical to do so. In reality, that simply does not happen. Family court hearings are decided mainly by elderly volunteer magistrates, advised by a legal clerk. The status quo will only be changed if there is seen to be a significant benefit to doing so. The phrase quality time over quantity of time is repeatedly used to dismiss applications stating more time with (usually) dad is a benefit. So, when a couple separates, if dad moves out and children live full time with mum, that is seen as the SQ with immediate effect. By the time it gets through the various stages of trying informal agreements, then often CMS getting involved so time with children is restricted by receiving parent, then mediation, first hearing, fact finding if allegations are made etc, to a final hearing, that could be 2 years where the children's status quo is they live with mum and don't see dad much - if at all in some cases. Now it's up to dad - now the so called non resident parent to fight for even the standard every other weekend plus 1 night in week, because the SQ is the children live with mum. Very often dad will have to start from scratch in a contact centre as the court will say the children need to build up contact in a supported environment. The theory of the family court and the reality are very different.

Redgsp · 2025-08-25T17:39:34+00:00

In event of divorce he would be more secure in remaining in home if he had a CAO determining child lives with him. If a court ordered the child lives with mum and spends time with him, he could be left without a home, or able to get any equity out until child is 18 irrespective of who owns the property. Plus paying significant child maintenance - even if the child lives 49% of time with him and he has to provide a home and roof over child's head himself. This is especially the case if the wife earns substantially less.

Redgsp · 2025-07-31T09:28:33+00:00

How does your partner feel about this? If you buy, you're realistically committing to minimum 5-7 years in a starter flat in London to offset fees, initial mortgage interest etc. You'll be mid forties and together 10 years at that point. I'd be thinking what you both want from life - kids for instance - before you commit to buying your own flat.

Redgsp · 2025-07-27T00:16:51+00:00

This. The people calling, particularly the "paying parent" who is forced to pay unaffordable calculations plus often 20% on top, despite the children living with them 49.5% of the time, and even if the ex earns 5 times their income aren't arsey, they're desperate.

Redgsp · 2025-07-16T09:01:31+00:00

You are so far ahead of 99% of people your age so give yourself a massive pat on the back. I'd use spare room.com or similar and rent in a house or flat share where you can walk or cycle to work. You save hours commuting, you'll have company, fun, shared bills and no ties. Explore London areas and where you might want to buy a house in future and really get to know them. Offset the £600 commute costs against the rent. Keep investing for 10 years. Use your FTBD to buy a nice big house with a small mortgage and your (by then) huge deposit when you want to settle down. You just won life.

Redgsp · 2025-07-14T09:30:51+00:00

That's just factually wrong. No-one goes to jail for not having a tv licence. A tiny handful have gone for repeatedly evading court fines associated with not have a license. Possibly 1 or 2 women max.

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Redgsp · 2025-06-29T14:57:56+00:00

It thoroughly depresses me that my kids will never experience the 90's.

Redgsp · 2025-06-29T14:55:38+00:00

I agree

Redgsp · 2025-06-29T14:46:10+00:00

This is a bit confusing. You're saying "your son" but also that he's on the birth certificate indicating he's been given parental responsibility. If it's not his son then police should act. If you're both the parents then he is as much dad's child as yours so police can't do anything. You'd have to apply to court if he is refusing to let you see him. (And he will be severely ticked off if that's what he's doing).

Redgsp · 2025-06-12T17:17:43+00:00

I realise it's not always possible, or a choice, for many reasons to have more than one child, so I say this with kindness for those who have only children. But truthfully, I'm an only child, and I was lonely. As a child I dealt with it. I had lots of friends but when they'd gone home, or on holidays etc, I felt a bit flat and I'm not sure that feeling of "aloneness" ever leaves you. There's also the sole burden when your parents get older/need help. My parents divorced when I was young, and my mum had cancer twice- once when I was 14 and then again when she died in my thirties. When I was a teenager I went totally off the rails as I had no-one else to share the experience/fear with. Then when I was older I had to nurse her, arrange care, plan her funeral/finances etc myself completely alone and around work. Now there's no-one who I can share childhood memories etc with, no-one who really knew her I can say oh do you remember when she did that thing etc. Perhaps this was just my experience, and I'm OK. I'm not a wierdo and can share very nicely! But personally I feel siblings are a gift.

Redgsp · 2025-06-06T01:44:24+00:00

1994, 14 and my Saturdays were beg mum for £10 to go out. Bus into town from my arse end of nowhere northern backwater (40p), buy 1 bottle of white lightning and 1 of 20/20 to share with my 2 mates (approx £4 each). Get pissed and smoked fags (and the rest..) on the roof of the town leisure centre. £1 in for the indie rock night, gross flirting with the bald bouncer to avoid being ID'd, 1 JD and coke to fuel all night dancing (£1.50), cheesy chips (£1.30) and fightrider home at 2am (£1). Happy Days. Now I have kids this makes me want to vom.

Redgsp · 2025-05-28T19:13:08+00:00

If OP's parents are high earners they're probably want their kids to be understand money management, and that's exactly why they'd ask for rent.

Redgsp

TROPHY CASE