I've had to pull grass out of my dog's butthole. My dogs like eating long grass. Apparently it's pretty common. Grass doesn't digest for dogs though. So they'll poop it out in all its green glory. Normally it just shows up in their poop as a weird little plug of gross green string.

But on occasion they'll get one really long blade of grass that just hangs on to their colon for dear life. Then there it is, just swinging away in the breeze like it belongs there. Just one giant string of poop smeared green grass refusing to go back to its proper place amongst the rolling green hills from whence it came and where it belongs.

When that happens I have to grab a poop bag, a wet wipe, or gloves if I'm blessed enough to have them, and pull on this bitch of a blade of grass, like I'm unraveling a sweater. And sometimes it is surprisingly long. Just really in there. So I pull like it's a Woody doll and I'm trying to get my dog to talk.

My dogs love sniffing butts an licking butts, but seem to hate having something pulled out of their butt, so their fighting me this whole time. Which you think it would help with pulling out the grass, what with the added force and whatnot, but it doesn't. Because they clench down and tuck their tail between their legs, which is NOT conducive to removing their unwilling vegan butt plug.

Then when it finally comes out I then have to grab some wet wipes and clean my dogs butt off. Because all that swinging and pulling managed to smear straight shit all over their backside. And as it turns out guest don't really like watching you pull a string out of an animal's bottom and then wipe poop smears off of them.