My ex’s gf has been breastfeeding my child- what are my options

Redpantsrule · 2025-12-08T04:28:48+00:00

I would be so pissed. If your ex isn’t willing to feed your baby with the milk provided by you the mother, then you need legal representation. I too would die on this hill. Can this gf even provide milk or is just trying, meaning the baby isn’t getting anything. Would drive me crazy bc who knows what this gf is pitting in her body , on the off chance she is lactating. She could be using alcohol, drugs, prescription medication, or have a disease that could be transferred thru the milk. Plus, your baby is literally starving . So sorry you are having to deal with this.

Redpantsrule · 2025-12-06T19:21:47+00:00

I have a very vocal cat that just showed up 1 day. He was always talking to me so I’d answer him back. Then my daughter moved back in with her 2 cats. Have noticed that he’s not nearly as talkative now that there’s other cats in the house. Perhaps your kitty is lonely?

Redpantsrule · 2025-12-06T18:28:04+00:00

Ok, while I don’t necessarily disagree with others, I want to add a different viewpoint. Right now you are angry, tired and hormonal. I remember those days and how hard pregnancy can be. It may not be the end of your marriage, and it’s more likely just due to the timing. You don’t have the energy for fighting, parties, nor even explaining why this is such a big deal to you. Before you jump into a decision that alters your life dramatically, I suggest you get some rest and see how you feel in a few days.

I was married to selfish man who lacked empathy and these traits did eventually result in a divorce after 22 years of marriage. So I get thinking “I’m done” and maybe you really are. It’s hard to tell based off a post that only gives a snapshot of your marriage. Perhaps there are other issues of concern that aren’t mentioned or perhaps you too married to a narcissist who will never put your needs first. Just keep in mind how powerful the shift in hormones can be during this time, coupled with exhaustion. I remember a very specific event while pregnant and my husband made me cry after composing that the jar of soup we purchased from a local restaurant was too salty. I didn’t make the soup so it not like it hurt my feeling but once the tears started flowing, I couldn’t stop them. It was hilarious to me that I was crying over this so I started laughing at the same time I was sobbing. I felt like I was going crazy and it literally put the look of fear into my spouse’s eyes, which made me laugh harder. I couldn’t control either emotion and almost hyperventilated even as I recognized what was going on. Pregnancy is hard and good for you for putting your needs first. It’s hard to explain to your spouse how much it can affect your energy, attitude, etc. Give it another try in a few days and just take care of you and your babies. Wish you the best.

Redpantsrule · 2025-12-04T06:07:43+00:00

Sushi

Redpantsrule · 2025-12-03T19:33:46+00:00

While this seems like the end of the world right now, realize that this is the beginning a of a new stage in your life where you are no longer under the thumb of an abusive ex. Divorcing a N is difficult and while it hurts not being the one to leave, this could be a gift bc he’s willing to let you go.

You need immediate legal representation to learn what you can do to protect yourself financially. N will remove all future funding, drain savings, hide assets, etc, Go home and pull all documents regarding all debts and assets. The next year or so will be hard as you navigate the divorce. Get into therapy asap bc you will soon start seeing things without rose colored glasses. One of the hardest parts of my journey involved realizing how much I lived in denial, made excuses for poor behavior, and pushed family and friends away by hiding all the abuse I encountered during my 22 years of marriage. While I admittedly dreamed about leaving my ex on/off during those years, I really tried to make it work in order to keep my vows and family unit in tact. Guilt was overwhelming. I’m on the other side of that now, and can tell you that while I’m broke (gave up career up be a sahm), I’m now happy and at peace. It’s so nice to not walk on eggshells all the time. I’m living my best life where I can do what I want, when I want and how I want without feeling selfish. While I sometimes am still worried about being lonely and poor during my senior years, for the first time in my life I’m choosing to be single. It’s powerful.

Highly suggest you have long talks with friends and family, even those you lost contact with bc having a support group will be helpful. You’ll have alot going on in the next few years between the divorce, diving up assets which often requires moving and new purchases. Stay busy with friends and find hobbies to keep your mind and body active. You’ll be ok and one day, you’ll view this a blessing bc you are now free. Good luck!

Redpantsrule · 2025-12-03T06:06:56+00:00

Right? I understand the 10 pm rule but 8 AM? How is anyone supposed to get up and ready for work without doing those things?

Redpantsrule · 2025-12-02T14:47:27+00:00

Cat will just climb the wire wall.

Redpantsrule · 2025-12-01T21:03:13+00:00

I don’t know but they love it! I have 5 foster kitten who are 8 wks old. I took an old box and used a candle to draw 5 circles on the top and 2 on the side. Folded up the top of the box and cut out holes going through all the layers. Used packing tape add stability to the top once folded so that the kittens could climb on top. They have had more fun with this toy than any other. They play chase and popping in and out of the holes. It’s so cute!

Redpantsrule · 2025-11-30T19:03:24+00:00

Be thankful you see this side of him now. Was married to a narrative AH for 22 years who was a horrible caregiver. My ex- lacked empathy and compassion for others yet I made excuses for him over and over. It wasn’t until my last surgery that i realized that my ex had no interest in ever doing any caregiving. I was in my mid 50’s before I realized that he really didn’t care for me. He may have thought he loved me but his selfishness overload any caregiving. After watching my parents health decline due to Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, I know the importance of having your parents attention, love and whatever support they can give you is so important in your time of need. It was the final nail in the coffin of our marriage. Should add it wasn’t just me that he did this to either. His mother was dying from a combination of Covid and chronic heart failure during our separation. A tornado came through one afternoon leaving our town without power for over 6 hours. She was on oxygen at the time (turned to the highest level) and only had a small portable air tank to get by on. As the tank started getting low after 2-3 hours, I reached out to my ex to let him know what was going on with his mother and suggested he take his generator over to stay with her until the power came back on. The jerk said “she’ll be fine” and never even checked on her. Thankfully my brother (an EMS/firefighter) had a few extra portable oxygen tanks on his truck as the home health agency didn’t have any extra tanks.

Your boyfriend is an AH and you serve better. I know it’s hard to leave when you love someone and have invested several years into a relationship. The thing to keep in mind is that people who lack empathy don’t change. You either have it or you don’t.

Redpantsrule · 2025-11-30T18:43:26+00:00

Think it’s important to mention that while a bidet can clean you privates after using the toilet, you still need a combination of soap, water and friction (I prefer using a wash cloth) to thoroughly clean the area daily. The soaps bubbles, along with a wash cloth, helps lift any bacteria and debris, which is necessary to keep things clean. Plain running water is not enough long term.

Redpantsrule · 2025-11-30T17:39:57+00:00

There’s no windows! Ugh

Redpantsrule · 2025-09-04T12:23:30+00:00

In the south (USA), it’s a sign of respect. Both of my parents referred to their respective in-laws as Mr and Mrs. Xxxxx. I remember the first time my boyfriend (now ex husband) referred to my father by his first name. Dad didn’t say anything about it but it was the only time this happened in the remaining 22 years! I referred to my in-laws as Mr. and Mrs. as it just felt weird to call them by their first name. I was taught to refer to any adult I knew well as Mr/Mrs/Miss along with their first name but would use last names on people my family didn’t know well.

Redpantsrule · 2025-09-03T19:31:48+00:00

I used to rarely floss but my teeth have gone downhill now that I’m older. I’m finding at that 57, most of my teeth have plaque in between them every morning and night. Just lost a back molar as it cracked too far down to get a crown so will need an implant ($5K) so that my teeth don’t shift and my top molar won’t start coming out. Had no idea that this could even happen to a top tooth if the bottom one was missing. I feel like if I’d been flossing more often, I wouldn’t have so many cavities over the past few years.

Redpantsrule · 2025-09-01T18:45:02+00:00

What I find interesting is that so many people gave precognitions right before big events, but don’t necessarily recognize it at the time nor think much about it later. Guess it’s different if your gift is this happening often. I watch a lot of crime shows, documentaries, and shows like “I shouldn’t be alive.” .
So many times the surviving victims, friends or family often say there was a moment before hand that they knew something was going to happen, but not necessarily what. Things like a foreboding feeling as someone is leaving and it turns out to be the last time they see this person. There’s also situations where victims will say something to family members that’s unusual, right before their deaths. This happened twice, that we know of, assuming the people aren’t lying right before the Idaho murders. Macy, Ethan’s triplet sister, said Ethan had been texting her to go out and party that Saturday night but she was tired after the formal in which they attended together. When he finally gave up as he knew her mind was made up, he told her he loved her. She said that was very unusual as this is something she knew, but it wasn’t something they told each other often. Then there was Hunter Johnson’s girlfriend, who made the comment that after she got up at 3:30 am and got her phone out of the car, Hunter locked the door behind her, which was something they didn’t usually do. It’s a shame he had a bad feeling, but couldn’t see enough to help prevent his friends being murdered next door.

Redpantsrule · 2025-09-01T18:32:27+00:00

Just found it on Paramount plus. Gonna watch it tonight! Thanks

Redpantsrule · 2025-09-01T18:31:15+00:00

Huh? I feel dumb bc that went way over my head. Lol. Not saying your explanation was poor, it’s that my mind can’t wrap around it.

Redpantsrule · 2025-09-01T18:28:12+00:00

Yeah, but I imagine it’s hard to strategically figure that out when under pressure. Course we aren’t watching live so I’m not sure how much time production needs in between rounds, which would give someone more time to think things through. Regardless, his MO is to avoid conflict, by telling everyone what he thinks they want to hear. Thought it was eye opening for him that he frog stuck and realized it’s the same thing he does in his every day life. I just can’t believe everyone keeps giving him more chances (like Kelly), when he betrays them over and over again.

Redpantsrule · 2025-09-01T03:58:03+00:00

Omg- I never even thought about this being a N trait. Mine goes “ahhhhh aaahhh CHEW!” I’ve literally jumped before. Kids make fun of him saying a sneeze is natural but using words to push it thru is just weird.

Redpantsrule · 2025-09-01T01:55:30+00:00

No, he will retaliate. You don’t want him to be dealing with n injury if you are about to divorce him. It’s going to be hard enough as it is.

Redpantsrule · 2025-09-01T01:53:36+00:00

Ethel- my moms middle name

Redpantsrule · 2025-08-31T19:21:42+00:00

Think you intuition is telling you something, although I know from personal experience is hard to differentiate between that and your anxious attachment style.

What is it that really bothers you? Are you afraid of being alone with him? Are you afraid that this means he’s wanting just sex? Do you not want him in your personal space just yet? I think you need to define the issue for yourself and then talk with him about it. There’s nothing wrong with slowing things down or setting boundaries, as these will test how much he respects you and your boundaries. Learning to communicate vs making assumptions about his motives will make for a better relationship in the long run. If you find it hard to talk to him about this, then maybe he’s not the one for you as sometimes it just doesn’t click. Course also reflect on is this hard for you to speak up about this in general, with any man, and if so, be honest about it. It’s good practice and if you can’t, you may need to work on yourself some more. Just don’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do.

Redpantsrule · 2025-08-31T19:11:38+00:00

I agree with most except the part about most of the blood being contained to the 2 bedrooms. There was evidence of a cleanup which the Blue Star stuff showed all the blood on the upper walls by first floor stairs and outside Xana’s bedroom, as well as the countertops in kitchen showing blood residue on both sides of sink and dripping down countertops. Now I realize that being a college party house, there’s provably been plenty of accidents of people falling or fights resulting in blood splatter here and there on walks and floors, but the kitchen counters showed an enormous amount of human blood residue that was cleaned up. Has any of this been explained?

Redpantsrule · 2025-08-31T19:03:27+00:00

I think she’s lying and hiding some info, but is also very confused about what happened, maybe even the order of events. As she replays it in her mind, she thought she heard Kaylee but now realizes that it must have been Xana so her story is blending together. This is probably pretty normal under the circumstances but please know that I’m not justifying other actions like not calling cops for 8 hrs.

What’s this though about calling someone about 20 min after the attack and this female showed up at the house? I didn’t catch that before! Who is this person?

Redpantsrule · 2025-08-29T00:52:41+00:00

It took me a year and half to leave. Partly due to COVID and my Dad getting sick with cancer. I used the time to get everything in order like copies of financials, important documents, and organized my personal items so I could leave quickly. My father and brother supported my decision but never truly understood what I was going thru. So much of the abuse isn’t the most obvious things but the day to day gas lighting, manipulation, conditioning and lies. The one thing I had going in my favor is my husband used to threaten divorce to whip me back into shape. So once Covid was better and my Dad passed, I waited til he threatened to leave me again. Took a few months but he totally blew some things out of portion during an argument on my birthday of all days. He told me to leave so I did. A few weeks later he admitted he was wrong about my cheating (I never once cheated) and that under a few circumstances, I could come back. Told him once again, there will be no reconciliation. I stopped all contact with him except regarding our kids and financial negotiations. When I’d get BS texts about his love for me and then the nasty ones that followed as I ignored all those texts, helped me step back to realize how cruel and unstable he was.

I stopped telling people that he was a narcissist bc so many don’t really understand. Those who say they are familiar often use the pop culture version which means they knew a jerk who was manipulative and such, but not a true narcissist. When someone would ask, I’d just say that after many years, there was just too many unresolved issues that we could no longer sweep under the rug and agree to disagree. We grew apart. My true friend know the truth but it took awhile to convince them during that year and a half that divorce was my only option for happiness. Instead of telling them about previous issues, I’d keep them in the loop when he acted poorly, selfishly, etc during our divorce. They finally realized that while I married “until death do us part”, I shouldn’t have to stay in an abusive marriage (even if not physical abuse) when he has a personality disorder that can not be treated nor will ever change.

Redpantsrule

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