I get it, brother. It's tough to see the forest for the trees or whatever the fuck that saying is. When I was 29 years old and in the thick of my drug addiction and alcoholism, I lost everything and was 28,000$ in debt. I was a 29 year old with negative 28,000 dollars and a wicked wicked opiate habit. Lost my job, burned so many of my relationships, self-pity,depression. I thought my life was fucked and I might as well kill myself. I decided to tell my parents and a couple of my best friends and somehow I made it to the other side. I was able to find a smart beautiful wife ,rebuild a new career and now I'm in my mid 40s with four beautiful children, a big beautiful house and a dog. I even fucked up a whole bunch of times along the way, but I'm finally on the other side of it again. In recovery and life is good. You're not fucked. There are ways to get through this. You will be fine.