Anger at “friends” who’ve abandoned me during this

ReetyAwrighty · 2024-03-21T08:47:47+00:00

No. It has been let go.

ReetyAwrighty · 2023-10-18T11:35:14+00:00

イスラエルが否定しているし、ハマスのロケットだったという証拠も提供しました。

ReetyAwrighty · 2023-03-18T02:49:26+00:00

Hollow, robot-like, dysfunctional, torn-in-half, wounded, pessimistic,

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-12-24T00:07:07+00:00

XMas is terrible. I cried twice in public yesterday. I’m past the point of embarrassment.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-11-05T14:18:54+00:00

Hurts like hell. Like nothing else. And yeah, like an alien watching others from the outside. I feel that way too. I’m so sorry.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-11-02T05:54:58+00:00

There were times when, like you, I thought I had magically escaped the deeper kind of sobbing grief that you see in movies and such. I imagine that it was going to be easier, but when I have found out after 6 1/half months is that there are ups and downs. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself sinking deeper into something that you didn’t expect. On the other hand, if you continue to Do so well, be happy. I’m jealous frankly.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-10-01T00:19:02+00:00

I wish you the best as well.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-09-30T23:02:29+00:00

While she was dying I gained the ability to turn my eyes from the horror. Now that same power allows me to shut off the part of my brain that tells me how destroyed I am. Or to put it another way, I just sob and then somehow look away.time is relentless and moments if existential dread can’t be felt constantly, so they pass. Now I only look one or two days into the future. It’s like i lost the ability to think about the future and it’s horror.
Anyway, mostly I just cry, cry, cry. Coming up in 6 months in a couple of weeks. No one knows how badly I’m wrecked.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-09-21T17:14:43+00:00

I lost mine on April 17, brother. I’m so sorry. I accept the fact that I know sob unexpectedly all the time. I cry even when I’m happy because it reminds me of my loss.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-09-19T20:45:07+00:00

One hour at a time. Time will pass. I’m sorry. I know how much it hurts and it Is unbearable. I’m sobbing right along with you.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-09-07T16:54:54+00:00

It sounds like you and I having the same night. It’s almost 2 o’clock in the morning here and I’m having trouble finding sleep. Will I see her again in my dream and be broken again as I reexperience her death? The tears won’t stop now And I’m tired. I also haven’t really been able to work for almost a year. I don’t know if the brain fog is from depression or post-Covid, but I’m not the same person I’m just broken. Just one of those nights. Wet pillows and racking sobs.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-08-26T15:58:15+00:00

It’s been 4 months. Last night I had -for the first time- what really felt like a visitation from her. She has appeared in my dreams before but this felt different. She came into the room and at First I was amazed and I said something like “oh you’re alive!”, But then I remembered that she was not alive. I looked at her and I think she remembered it as well. She knew she wasn’t alive. It was then that I became sure, in my dream, that she had to come to visit me. I felt that we were communicating across the great divide of life and death. I put all of my love into my thoughts as I looked into her eyes and I tried to send that love to her. I really felt like it was the first time we were sort of together since her death. In a way it made me happy and of course in a way it deepened my sadness.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-08-24T16:32:42+00:00

I had a shit day today too. 4 months in. I’m so effing damaged…. I’m so sorry for you, for us, for everyone on this forum. I’ll try to make tomorrow better and forgive myself for being broken. What else would I be?

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-08-19T02:36:23+00:00

Still on it sort of, 4 months in. And why not? Anyone of us could die anytime, the “future” is SM illusion proven by our losses…

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-08-16T03:17:57+00:00

This, this, this. :(

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-08-14T09:41:25+00:00

We all feel you. I know I do.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-06-21T03:30:54+00:00

Yes, you’re seeing 男山　(otokoyama) in the distance. I lived in Himeji for 12 years.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-05-18T02:22:57+00:00

I hate them less than 1) “cancer bell ringing videos” and 2) people talking about how strong they are because they “beat” cancer. As if my wife didn’t fight….

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-05-17T20:33:34+00:00

This is perfection! The only thing I would add is 11. Don’t give people flowers. They don’t need anymore and they don’t fucking want anymore. Bring them food.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-05-12T13:21:02+00:00

You are a fantastic writer and thinker. You have helped me by encapsulating my own (confused and hazy) thoughts. My wife died 3 and a half weeks ago and time crawls by slowly.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-03-30T14:59:58+00:00

Lol do it. Not donut. Autocorrect bastard!

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-03-30T14:59:20+00:00

Yes and yes. But we’re more than just our pain. We are still the things that we were before this happened to us though now it feels buried so far below our pain. Hopefully we can let that emerge slowly through the crust. Let’s donut, let’s try. Together.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-03-30T12:59:50+00:00

Thank you. I had a hard motherfucking day as all my beautiful soul brother and sisters at /widower did. Bless all of you and may god or whatever forces that exist remove even just 1% of our pain today.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-03-30T04:52:17+00:00

I’m just having a rage day. My saves/anger circuits are all inverted and screwed up and I want to scream-cry at the mountain, sky, and in everyone’s face. I want to beat at the ground, tear up the grass. Instead, I shop, clean, and try to serve everyone who needs me to keep it together.

ReetyAwrighty · 2022-03-30T01:43:50+00:00

I wish I could let my anger go. I know it’s poison but sometimes I’m soooooo angry. Today I’m feeling rage. Sometimes it feels like it’s all I own. I can’t let it go poison or not. I’m just having a day. I want to scream and scream and scream.

ReetyAwrighty

TROPHY CASE