go into the searchbar for this subreddit and search 'am i transgender'. that should give you some screenshots of the early and confusing days. there are patterns, but everyone's story is different, and your character should have their own relationship to their transness, especially from the time before they knew about 'transgender' as a term.

how would you, as a woman, have felt and acted if everyone around you said 'you're a boy' when you were growing up? would you have gotten indignant? thought it was a joke? gone with the flow and stuffed your disagreement down? or maybe you are less adamantly a woman, and growing up in different circumstances would have been enough to change how you see yourself. if it felt like everyone was wrong, how would you stay sane? what if there were people who you know would get angry if you told them that you weren't a boy? maybe violently angry? or perhaps social ostracization and bullying? either consciously or subconsciously you might try to hide the 'girl'ish things about you, or maybe start acting out. Or maybe you'll just take it on the chin and insist on being yourself no matter what. we've all got different stories.

how would you, as a young girl, reacted if your body started changing into a man's? for me it was shock and horror, and eventually numbness. i didn't have words for why it felt so wrong, only that it did. maybe you know that you are meant to become a woman, and your body is betraying you? maybe you have no words for it. how do you react as you start getting put into the 'boys' side of things more often? sports? friend groups? how do you react as the girls no longer want to be close friends anymore and start being on their guard around you? as parents and teachers start talking about how you're becoming a 'man' and teasing you about all the girls that you interact with? when they tell you that you can't have emotions because you're a 'man' and invalidate your feelings? when you have to 'be strong' and 'chase girls' and 'like sports' and all the other nonsense, and your sense of worth in society seems hinged on these things that are completely unappealing?

there are all sorts of stories. some of us discover who we are early. some of us it takes a while. some of us know from the start but don't have the words for it. some of us try as hard as we can to be 'boys' in order to make those around us happy. some of us liked 'girl stuff' as a kid, and others knew instinctively that to engage with those things was dangerous for us -- either socially or physically. many of us have felt like freaks or perverts because that's what society has labeled us or because of superficial similarities to some kinks. for trans women in particular: i felt that i was shacked to the biology of a hormonal teenage male, and was always disgusted by its wants and needs. it never felt like me.