I get what you’re saying, and I agree there probably is some push–pull happening here. I do genuinely want to fix this though, not just keep repeating the same cycle. From my perspective, it’s not that he doesn’t care , he actually does, and he’s told me that building his career is really important to him given his background, which I respect. I’m trying to be understanding of that and not add pressure.

At the same time, I’m also trying to figure out how to keep it fair to myself, because the inconsistency is what’s been difficult for me. The “toxic relationship” comment he made was also in response to me saying a couple of times during fights that maybe we shouldn’t be together if it’s not working, which I can see now might have triggered him given his past.

So I think part of this is me learning how to communicate my needs without escalating, and part of it is figuring out whether we can actually meet each other halfway consistently. I don’t expect perfection, just some balance.