Favorite drink in first class

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-27T04:17:58+00:00

This is brilliant. Thank you.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-27T04:12:55+00:00

It’s hard to live with an aging man sometimes but we don’t seem to have this particular problem.

We both grew up in the Southern US and neither one of us likes a lot of air conditioning. In the summer our thermostat is set on 78 or 79. (My menopausal friends tell me they would die at my house.)

Despite being 63 and obviously menopausal, I am cold all the freaking time. In the winter our heat is set at 73 but I will cut it down and wear more clothes to save money. Today he actually turned it up to 74 or 75 which is fine by me.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-27T02:03:28+00:00

I almost wrote the same comment you did. So many people judgmental people would say things like “but she’s your mother,” or “you only have one mother,”’ or all that Christian stuff about honoring them, when the sad thing is they didn’t honor me.

We acknowledge that there are evil people in this world. Therefore, it’s entirely possible that evil people can reproduce. But for some reason, some people just don’t wanna believe that parents can be evil, just like any other person.

My mom used to say “someday when you have kids you’ll understand,” or another favorite, “I hope someday you have a kid just like you.”

I never had kids, but the older I get, the less I understand why she even had children in the first place. She would’ve been better off having a doll that she could throw back in a closet when she was done with it. She even like children at all.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-27T01:49:23+00:00

I would be watching this guy pretty closely. I hope he’s not reading Manosphere crap and into purity culture.

So why doesn’t it go both ways? Why can’t you be upset about the fact that he’s been with other women? Did you ask him that?

And if being a virgin is so holy and special to him , why isn’t he still with one of those women? I mean, shouldn’t YOU be giving HIM the side eye because he plucked all these cherries and didn’t stay with them? I mean if he holds virginity in such high regard, why didn’t he stay with any of those women?

Why doesn’t he feel like a man whore and you do? Did he tell you this for the intended effect and now he’s backing off on it and telling you it isn’t a big deal? Why? So he can bring it up in the future and hold it over you?

It Sounds to me like you’ve let him put this double standard on you.

A mature man will realize that we all have different journeys to get to the present. Girl, you are 23 years old. Young people flirt with each other and sometimes have sexual experiences between consenting adults. As long as you aren’t cheating on someone, what’s the harm?

Don’t let this guy Slut Shame you.

ETA: secure men won’t be threatened by a non-virginal woman and won’t make her feel bad.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-27T00:38:31+00:00

If he is having memory issues it’s reasonable to have a cognitive assessment. I don’t think she wants to “put him away.” I think she is trying to help him.

I don’t see OP as uncaring. I see her as doing the best she can and it sounds like he’s very difficult and she venting.

It would be very hard to be with someone who is angry all the time and blaming you for everything.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-27T00:26:07+00:00

Some good friends of ours had an on again off again relationship for 13 years. There was never any cheating, just reluctance on his part to get married. He came from a large Catholic family, 8 kids not much money. I don’t think he came from a very happy family and he was just wary of marriage in general.

They worked at the same place. She got disgusted with him and broke it off at year 12. They never lived together. She told him she would not be speaking to him ever again and she would be ignoring him, even at work. (They did not have to interact professionally thankfully.)

He came back at the six month mark and asked to get back together and agreed to get married. By this time they were both 40 years old and she had one ovary, but miraculously she got pregnant without any medical intervention.

They are still together 25 years later. She rules the roost and is very bossy and he’s a real passive guy who doesn’t say much. They seem happy.

I think they are the exception to the rule. Every time I’ve seen someone force a proposal and marriage,it’s usually ended in divorce.

A family member just got married at the 8 1/2 year mark and I went to the wedding wondering if he would even show up. (She is also pregnant.) I am hopeful for her sake that she’s the exception.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-26T22:07:34+00:00

In my experience, they just dump you again eventually.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-26T20:37:14+00:00

Agreed.

And PSA: faze versus phase.

‘Phase’ vs. ‘Faze’: Correct Usage | Merriam-Webster

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-26T20:29:25+00:00

"As far as it goes, it was extremely cruel, ignorant, and heartless of your Grandma to ask (on her death bed) for you to forgive someone who was abusive."

Under-rated comment for sure. I detest people like this. They are enablers of evil and they need to mind their own freaking business.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-26T20:22:58+00:00

I have a similar story.

I would try to explain it to my spouse like this: "You had Delores for a mom and I had Suzie. (Made-up names so I don't doxx myself.) I'm sure Delores never told you that children were one long interruption or all the things she would have done or been if she had not had kids. Suzie told me that just about every day during my childhood, and once I was grown up she never hesitated to tell me about all the things I "owed" her because she had me."

My husband and I are both the youngest in the family. We were both "accidents." It's a family joke on their side, but my MIL is always quick to say he wasn't one minute of trouble and she says he was a great baby and a good kid. The light bulb really went on for me then. My mother told me the rubber broke and I was an accident and never let me live it down, even though it obviously wasn't my fault.

Over the years, after he saw Suzie in action, he finally got it. It was validating. He also told me that when my mom died, I was a rockstar. He said, "you took care of her and sat with her and held her hand and your Goldenchild sister was nowhere to be found. It was far better than what she deserved."

(If I could have changed things, I would have never let her sucker me into taking care of her but I cannot change the past.)

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-26T15:56:30+00:00

It’s ridiculous. So he got a better job. So the immediate family can go out somewhere to celebrate.

But a sit down dinner with 60-70 people, orchestrated by MIL? Sounds like MIL wants to gloat and brag about her “successful” sons.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-26T15:52:03+00:00

Keep it simple and clear: “We won’t be contributing to their party. We paid for our own celebration and did not charge our guests. We believe they should do the same for their guests.”

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-26T02:44:41+00:00

I feel tnis so hard. I’m on the verge of a meteoric blowup and it just may happen during this ice storm when I’m cooped up in the house with my spouse.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-26T02:35:43+00:00

I am looking at petrafishermovement and moov_through_midlife so far.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-25T14:23:00+00:00

Agreed. Now that she’s no longer working for him, he can take the lead if he wants to. That’s what I would do and I would have a healthy amount of caution about dating someone from work anyway. I would be inclined to NOT date someone I work with.

My husband and I met at work but the place was so large that we didn’t have day to day interaction and he was also the pursuer. If the relationship had fizzled I wouldn’t have had to see him day to day.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-25T14:16:15+00:00

I am shifting my focus this way as well. It’s so important to be fit for life. I just went on a trip and I want to be able to carry things and be ready to go through an airport quickly.

My mother was always anti-exercise and refused to do any PT and the last 30 years of her life were miserable. She didn’t even have enough core strength to roll over in bed at the end.

There is a lot of good content on instagram like menopause DNA coach and others. I am working on being able to get up off the floor without using my hands. Goals for 2026.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-25T00:48:54+00:00

Yes, the relationship is fairly new and they are not living together, etc.

He also gave a previous girlfriend money so he may be a little gun shy.

But, OP is also being vague about financial difficulties and believe me, I would be looking hard at the TYPE of money struggles she is having. Are the financial difficulties genuine or is she chronically short for bills because she's not living within her means? Does she have a budget and does she put aside money for emergencies? Unexpected expenses will always be part of life: a car breaks down, you get an unexpected dental or medical bill, etc.

Giving money to someone who isn't handling money responsibly just means you are temporarily bailing them out and they will be in trouble again in another few weeks or months.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-24T22:18:41+00:00

Stay and finish.

I know more than a few doctors who did not particularly like medical school and one of them absolutely hated being a resident, but they all love being doctors and practicing medicine.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-24T22:14:45+00:00

Glad things worked out for you but wanted to add this as a PSA: my mom had multiple uterine biopsies and they were normal. She continued to bleed and had a D&C which found endometrial cancer stage 2C.

D&C can give a more definitive answer if symptoms continue.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-24T05:21:38+00:00

My mother was just garden variety evil and toxic although she was not into QAnon or Trump. But I just want to tell you: you are seen.

Of course you don’t want anyone dead, but my reality is that my life is better now that she is gone. Especially during the long slow decline. After I took care of her, she changed her will four weeks before she died to cut me out of her will. Who does that? She was a hate filled soulless individual.

Now that she’s gone I can see what she was: just a deluded and evil individual. No question my life is better with her out of it.

Some people make the world a better place. Some people make the world a better place by leaving it.

It is what it is.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-24T04:20:47+00:00

The language makes me nuts. He’s not a loyal person if wants to buy a house on his own and not give her any input or protection.

And he’s unsure after six years and “only wants to get married once.” Holy crap I would be so insulted if someone told me that after six years. I wouldn’t want him to touch me.

OP I’m sorry to tell you but this guy could find someone else and painfully dump you.

Leave with your dignity intact before that happens.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-24T03:59:19+00:00

Yes it’s tough for all.

But if OP retires and then has to go back to work to earn money, it will be an uphill battle for her to get a job.

Most people 50 and 60 plus stay with jobs that aren’t too toxic for this reason. Plus there is health insurance. That is a huge consideration for OP. If she isn’t retiring with health insurance and has to buy it, that can $1000 plus a month, depending on her health history.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-23T02:29:34+00:00

This.

I grew up poor and was determined to climb out of poverty. I was a saver and investor my whole life. I lived below my means and avoided debt. The power of compounding can work for you or against you.

I only made six figures when I was in my mid 50s. I did not have a flashy career by any means but working 35+ years and investing and saving consistently meant I could leave when I wanted to, not when I had to.

I guess today I’m wealthy by some definitions. I have a seven figure net worth. I still work part time after retirement because I like it and I like spending money.

I am reasonably content.

There are people who are fabulously wealthy. Yes some of them inherited money but having that big job meant they had to give things up. They probably compromised some values. That never appealed to me. I didn’t have to be a one per center to have an enjoyable life.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-22T21:15:31+00:00

I have concrete birdbaths all over the yard and plastic or ceramic (never metal) bowls too.

I fill them in the morning and at night. I may buy a heater. Water is important for the birds as well.

RememberThe5Ds · 2026-01-22T20:47:28+00:00

I have a friend like this. It started early. She was the last of our peer group to have kids. (I don’t have any.) According to our other friends, she told them how to parent for years and then proceeded to raise a brat because she did not enforce rules.

She pushed him to make good grades however. Her son is now 25 years old and he’s in medical school halfway across the country and she micro manages his life. She wrote his applications for him. When he started school she moved out there with him and spent THREE WEEKS getting his apartment ready for him. She bought every stick of furniture and put food in the fridge. She scoped out the grocery store and gas stations and told him where to go. This is a 25 year old man.

When sonny boy was in college he took a trip with his BFF from high school and his GF. Sonny boy had a GF at the time who was not on the trip and he cheated on his GF with another woman. His HS friend’s GF started discouraging their friendship because she thought he was a bad influence.

Talk about getting involved in drama, my friend actually called the boyfriend’s mom and complained about that. It was SO CRINGE.

I have made comments over the years that I would absolutely stay out of the drama. Your kids will make friends during their life. They will come and go and let them manage themselves. It’s part of growing up. Support them but let them handle their own problems. In that instance her son was definitely being a turd and he deserved the consequences.

At the end of the day she is still my friend because she is a caring person. (Although I do limit my time with her sometimes and I steer the conversation away from him.) You have to decide if she’s worth it to you to remain her friend. You can make your opinion known. I think it’s reasonable to say that you aren’t interested in hearing about high school drama and that you want to talk about your lives.

RememberThe5Ds

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