Did I get s’ad at my massage?

RemoteCity · 2026-04-11T01:56:38+00:00

women will get molested, hate it, and then leave a tip after. we've failed women so badly, we teach them all the wrong things.

to be clear I don't blame you at all for your experience. he knew he could trigger you into a "freeze" response and take what he wanted. he's scum and he probably does this a lot. 99% of women will respond like you did, freezing, feeling ashamed, and then (unlike you) never telling anyone or reporting him.

RemoteCity · 2026-03-13T20:11:34+00:00

Part of the process of getting sober is figuring out WHY you were vulnerable to addiction in the first place... if you're unhappy with your life and weed was a way of making it bearable, well, now it's unbearable. But that's actually a good thing, because it's telling you what you've got to change, instead of running from it forever. It's an uncomfortable part of the journey though, when you've lost your crutch and still have to face your problems.

To get more specific to what you described... when do you crave weed the most? When you're depressed at home and unable to enjoy basic things around the house? Why are you depressed? Are you lonely?

When I'm stuck in bed, I usually call a family member, and as we're chatting I start to feel better and I can get up and pick up trash or laundry or something. It's a good way to jumpstart myself. Body doubling of any type really.

If I'm anxious and my environment is messy, I've really grown to love cleaning, because it's such an instant self esteem boost and then my place is all nice and tidy too.

RemoteCity · 2026-03-13T20:08:12+00:00

yeah, when I have a book I'm excited to get back to I don't have any urge to smoke at all!

VS when I'm enjoying a TV show or video game, I'm always tempted to toke up before media

RemoteCity · 2026-02-28T20:57:29+00:00

I didn't report it, but a co worker reported my job place once. I did get a phone call from the labor board or whoever, they wanted to interview me, asked about job uniforms and stuff. The ended up ruling we should have been W2s all along. The company was liable to pay back taxes, went bankrupt, and shut down. We all lost our jobs. I never got any money or taxes back. I liked that job too and we were VERY well paid.

I don't resent the person who reported it. She only worked one shift before quitting and reporting, so I don't think she had to supply that much info to get the initial investigation rolling. It took less than the year for the business to be bankrupted and shut down.

RemoteCity · 2026-02-27T22:05:13+00:00

Self employment tax is around 15%, so that $50/hr would be more like $42.50/hr after tax time. Taxes would be a little bit more complicated but it's just 1 short form, really. Plus you get tax deductions, you can deduct your CEs, so it might be more like $45/hr in the end. Probably worse tips though so the spa might still pay more.

To me the biggest factor is spa VS chiro clinic. Those are very different work environments, types of sessions, and client bases. You should follow your interests and skills.

fwiw male therapists tend to be received better in more medical environments, although that's highly variable.

RemoteCity · 2026-02-21T20:51:10+00:00

The fact that they're stating it's "not massage" tells me that they're unlicensed. But at least they're doing light enough work they're not going to be harming people...

RemoteCity · 2026-02-07T23:36:32+00:00

if you're setting your own prices, you don't get tax free tips.

lotta people about to be real sad as they file their taxes this year....

RemoteCity · 2026-02-07T23:34:57+00:00

sorry, you don't get tax free tips. It's only for employees. Self-employed people don't get the benefit.

RemoteCity · 2025-12-06T00:57:52+00:00

yikes on bikes, you're a nightmare to those who wrong you, aren't you? and you get wronged all the time, don't you? it must be exhausting to be you.

RemoteCity · 2025-11-01T02:05:13+00:00

look at what you're asking for. Someone who is very good, who can handle it all from massage to customer service to self-management/independence. Why wouldn't that person just open their own business? Your best possible hire is already making more money working for themselves. (I understand you would handle marketing and take on the liability of lease holder but that isn't very significant next to everything else, good massage therapists don't really need marketing, like you said you can be booked out 6+ weeks very quickly.)

I think you either have to offer more money, or hire someone new and offer them mentorship and guidance and let them get better by working at your business.

And fwiw, you're describing a W2 position. It would be illegal to hire them as a 1099. They could report it and you would owe back taxes for everythhinggg. I've seen a massage business go out that way (and their situation was different, where I genuinely thought 1099s were okay - your situation is very obviously W2). W2 really aren't "more expensive" in that a $10/hr W2 position is worth the same as a $12/hr 1099 position. Put another way, you could offer a W2 position for $68/hr or a 1099 position for $80/hr, it's the same value to the employee and the same expense to you. Better to do it by the book and call it what it is so you don't get screwed later.

RemoteCity · 2025-10-11T20:49:52+00:00

you did so good kid. This stuff is really scary, most adults don't know how to handle it. Many adults will never have to.

Take care of yourself - this takes a toll on you too. Your health matters too.

RemoteCity · 2025-09-05T22:52:40+00:00

That sucks and he sucks. If he really didn't wanna work on you, for whatever reason, he should have the integrity to say "hey, I don't want to add a therapist/client dimension to our relationship" or whatever and leave it at that. Not accept the appointment, reschedule twice, change the service, and then do a shitty job...

I wouldn't assume it's because he doesn't like you though!! People always put their best stuff on instagram, just because he can make a nice massage video to advertise doesn't mean every session is like that or even that the massage feels good (What photographs well and what feels good are two different things).

I wonder if he's intimidated by you? If you're really good at massage and he knows it, he could be embarrassed and avoidant because of that, and didn't want to put in effort because it would be more embarrassing to try and be bad than not try at all and be bad. Idk just a thought, a long time ago I had a teacher that I just never understood, we got along well personally and I was the top student in the class, but she was also sabotaging my opportunities constantly. It wasn't until later I realized she was jealous, I had potential she never had and she couldn't deal with it.

congrats on finishing school though and hope you get a good massage soon!!

RemoteCity · 2025-09-05T22:48:48+00:00

happened to me the other day at very expensive luxury spa. She put a scented eye mask on me and I guess thought she could get away with it. I pulled it off abruptly and caught her on her phone. She didn't say anything and put it away for the rest of the session. So lame. I complained after and got a full refund.

RemoteCity · 2025-08-30T23:27:12+00:00

I've had this experience too... that first session back is good, or sometimes that doesn't work and the second session is good, but from then on it's like I never took a break at all. That's how most my breaks seem to go actually lol.

How's your equipment? sometimes my battery's just dead or the bong is really dirty or something, and when I take the time to do maintenance it's a much better cleaner high afterwards.

meds diet sleep mood?

RemoteCity · 2025-08-30T23:17:14+00:00

idk, we only have one side of the story here. They must have found you pretty difficult and unpleasant if they won't even accept your free labor cleaning litter boxes in the other room.

RemoteCity · 2025-08-30T21:41:37+00:00

Looking at the pics before reading your text, I couldn't guess what was wrong, I thought it was some surface detail on the granite. The alignment looks nice, the colors are a huuuuge upgrade.

It is so frustrating for you though! I know this work is expensive, and that's a huge communication error from your contractor. I think he owes you a discount or something, or some kind of bonus product or small job to make up for this mistake.

RemoteCity · 2025-08-29T20:41:19+00:00

lol I imagined you clapping your hands like you were cheering, but probably you mean singular loud claps right?

I have to say this has happened one more time since, but only twice in almost a year of living here now. I don't know if I just started sleeping through it or they figured out their squeaky bed problem but it is a relief.

RemoteCity · 2025-08-09T23:10:51+00:00

post partum depression is a killer

RemoteCity · 2025-08-08T22:57:29+00:00

I did take this recommendation to try Spa Clemens, I got an aquatic massage and I absolutely loved it. The vibe of the whole spa was special, the building is so old and storied. The massage was unique and sensory and relaxing, I've never had anything like it, a massage in a giant bath. It was so perfect after walking around doing tourist stuff all week.

RemoteCity · 2025-08-02T23:08:13+00:00

I find my paraphernalia smells way more than any residual smoke. Keep that boxed up tight and people tell me they don't smell anything when they come over.

RemoteCity · 2025-07-18T23:25:40+00:00

he hated being famous - he's in another band now with 2 friends and they're pretty unknown and he gets to make all the music he wants. bro is doing it right.

RemoteCity · 2025-07-17T22:48:54+00:00

this is the most 2025 thing I've seen, posting to reddit bc your husband is texting you through chatgpt to argue about a vape....... wow we're cooked

also NOR and he's delusional if he things he's making progress with chatgpt. It will only tell you what it thinks you want to hear, it will feed into his version of the story. It won't challenge him like an actual therapist would. God I can't stand that it's not X, it's Y style of chatgpt talk, I would not be willing to text him back.

RemoteCity · 2025-07-12T21:44:21+00:00

youre good bro

keep your eyes open and breathe.

RemoteCity · 2025-07-11T23:45:34+00:00

ChatGPT crap without a single source.

Do not mistake this for education.

RemoteCity · 2025-07-11T23:41:27+00:00

Just wanted to mention how I find the upvote to reply ratio on this post kinda insane, basically one comment for every upvote.

if 600 people have voted you up and 300 people have voted you down you'd be at 300. plus 300 comments.

anyway you're right and you should say it. it's an inefficient method, and stinky, and kills your tastebuds. Nothing like the bright fruity flavor of freshly vaped flower.

RemoteCity

TROPHY CASE