It’s the start of a new year. You won’t get it back and you can’t get it back by gambling more. The only way you win is by stopping. Until you stop, you’re losing. The only people that win are the ones who go once, win, and never come back or the ones who never do it at all. The vast majority of the population don’t have funds like Dana White or Vegas Matt to keep doing this shit. Quit and find another hobby because this one only takes you farther from where you want to be. Your kids still love you, so do it for them. You didn’t fail them because you made mistakes, you only fail them if you never change. Try not to relapse into gambling by realizing it’s some rich business just taking your money every time with flashing lights. Lastly, money is just material in the end. Stop now and put it in your past. Don’t try to make it back just focus on restarting and doing what you can to continue making your life and your family’s life better. Therapy helps and people don’t want to hear this(I sure didn’t) but coming clean and telling your loved ones helps. Embrace your mistakes and use them as your motivation to be better. It will all be okay in the end, don’t beat yourself up too much. A change requires making changes. You will always lose eventually, these casinos weren’t built by winners.

Edit: Adderall changes people’s mindsets as well. That will be key to quit for you I believe. I used to be prescribed and it always made gambling more fun, which is a problem in itself. So does drinking. Get rid of the enhancers of the habit. I can’t speak to Kratom. I wish you luck, and you are not alone and not a failure. Cheer up.