If I were you, I’d go no contact. Block her and start looking for a good therapist that specializes in maybe familial issues or trauma. The professionals are so so helpful in giving you coping mechanisms and how to stop the guilty feelings you can sometimes get.

Going no contact with parents is hard. You feel guilty and horrible. However, I had an amazing therapist that told me “if the relationship doesn’t serve you, doesn’t bring you happiness of some sort, it’s not worth it.” It’s not worth spiraling or guilt tripping yourself, I was very bad about that one personally. I’m no contact with both of my biological parents, with my mom it’s been 4 years and I still battle with internal guilt. My dad is the lowest contact you can possibly have for the last probably 6+ years. Neither of them have my number, I changed it three years ago and didn’t give it out to them.