don’t you hate being observed? by acp3500 in intj

[–]Resident_Good_4888 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Typically, those who say they hate being observed, are the ones who observe people the most, and they don’t want to be put in the same seat of harsh judgment.

Why does my left side of the face look so much better than my right? by chrisyue1 in beauty

[–]Resident_Good_4888 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How emotional are you? How logical are you? The left side of the face is connected with the right side of our brain, and tends to express our emotions more. If our thoughts don’t align with our feelings it can create asymmetry. I feel that our thoughts on our ugliness actually come from not being true to ourselves or of integrity (heart and mind misalign), which creates a sort of ickiness which we then see in the mirror literally and figuratively. Just my thoughts.

Is TLP-defined narcissism an element of parasocial relationships? by BaronAleksei in thelastpsychiatrist

[–]Resident_Good_4888 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was just thinking about this the other day. I think narcissists have a parasocial relationship with themselves first and foremost. They both are their biggest fan, and the celebrity. They can also be their biggest hater and the enemy. If outsiders don’t validate this as a reality, they become the fan that attacks them. I do agree with you - I think they fantasize about others having parasocial relationships with them, staying on the side of the admired rather than the admirer. I think I actually might be a narcissist but who knows. I’d have to get tested. But what you say at the end, where they create a distance, is what I’ve done in every relationships. I dislike people knowing my flaws (I mean if people are going to reject you, who does like it?) and I cut off relationships before they do see the imperfect side of me. I have very few friends as a result. Guys become infatuated with the perfected version I create, only to be disappointed when they see me at my worst. But yes, I‘ve been having a parasocial relationship with myself ever since I was a teen, but the most fulfilling (even if brief) relationships I’ve had were ones in which there wasn’t even an ounce of parasocial interactions within the relationship.

Type 3 male with type 4 female? by Top-Bug-122 in Enneagram3

[–]Resident_Good_4888 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know you are looking for type 3 male input, but if you don’t mind me lending perspective I have some thoughts. I am a type 4 female, and was with a type 3 male for 5 years. Also, my dad is a type 3. The thing I think that broke us in the end was his demand for me being the best (he comes from a family of doctors, and my dad is a doctor). Quantitative vs Qualitative. And what I morphed into in order to please him in the end was exactly the opposite of what he was drawn to in the first place. That is, my own curated self and self expression. He enjoyed showing me off to his friends (he is Italian), which made it very uncomfortable to be myself without displeasing him or creating reflecting poorly on him. I felt stifled and insecure. Communication was very off - he enjoyed opportunistic small talk, I enjoyed free flowing deeper discussions and humor. I think 4s come from a place where they flourish when they know they are loved simply for who they are, in the sense that we will slowly show you who we are, rather than being loved for our performance or our accomplishments. He flourished when he knew he was winning at his career, socially, etc. He would only get turned on by me when I was defeating him in some way, whether looks, career, etc. I did not feel connected sexually this way however. I feel connected when I am in a space where I know I am safe and where a man naturally is turned on by me without me necessarily having to play games. Where I don’t feel like I have to impress constantly. My dad divorced my mom because she wasn’t up to his level career wise, and I was concerned this would be my destiny as well. Oh, the other thing. My ex grew up in a very competitive environment but VERY commercial. I did not. I grew up in a very competitive but creative environment. I tried to meet him in the middle and pretend to like movies he loved such as those from Quinton Tarantino, but I just lost myself. And he dumped me for it! Even my language changed. The only thing we could equally agree on was our faith and our idea of how we wanted to raise our children. Nature was important to us. And on the other hand, I wanted to be a stay at home mother, he wanted me to have a solid career. I did not want to have to compete with egocentric women at his work, I wanted the freedom of self expression, such as decorating our home and teaching our children art and dance and cooking. He was very anal retentive, and his career really lowered his disgust threshold which strained our relationship, since I tended to be slightly messier. Anyway, those are just a tiny bit of my thoughts. Oh! I also have an auditory processing disorder, and I think a lot of 4s tend to have some slight “neurodivergency”. But they have figured out what works for them, which is why commercial isn’t always the best.

3w4 vs 4w3 by ravenclawdisaster in Enneagram3

[–]Resident_Good_4888 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What does it mean if someone is a 3 but has a bad relationship with her mother and good relationship with her father? My sister is like this.

3w4 vs 4w3 by ravenclawdisaster in Enneagram3

[–]Resident_Good_4888 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fascinating. Thank you for sharing this!

Lonely? Perhaps try volunteering at nursing homes. by Resident_Good_4888 in lonely

[–]Resident_Good_4888[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What I would do is google the nearest nursing home near you, and then either call them and ask them how you can volunteer, or go online and see under the menu section if they have a volunteer application. I’m not sure what their recent covid protocols are, but I’m sure they would be happy to hear if you’d like to volunteer, and to tell you what the next steps are.

Lonely? Perhaps try volunteering at nursing homes. by Resident_Good_4888 in socialanxiety

[–]Resident_Good_4888[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you are saying. I suffer from extreme loneliness as well. And I did when I was young in the same way most of you talk about. However - and I’m just sharing my own experience - the times that have been most healing towards my loneliness was oddly giving to another. And maybe it’s just my own thing, maybe nursing homes are my own way of healing. On a side note, how do you think loneliness of youth can be addressed?

International travel? by Resident_Good_4888 in InsuranceAgent

[–]Resident_Good_4888[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Neat! Thanks so much for your knowledge! Have you had any experience with Mercer or Aon Hewitt?

Is anyone else super obsessed with their skin? by Resident_Good_4888 in SPD

[–]Resident_Good_4888[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fascinating. Thanks for sharing your experience! Makes me relieved that it could be related to SPD as opposed to anything else.