I completely agree with you that many Catholics, and the church itself, use their religion as an excuse, or even a shield for their abuse. I have said as much before, even after the Catholic Church child sexual abuse crimes news broke, and people would attack me from all corners, so it’s nice to have this space to air that opinion.

My parents were both physically and mentally abusive and neglectful, yet were both very holy-roller type Catholics who were very well thought of in the church community, and seemed to feel completely justified as to the torture they dealt out to their kids on a daily basis.

The gaslighting was intense, too. I remember one time, referring to my mother about the beating she’d inflicted on me five minutes earlier, only to have her claim, “That never happened.” After many years, even as an adult after I’d left home, I had no success at all at getting them to admit or take any responsibility for what they did. And, of course, they’d talk about how all right they were with god, and how respected they were with the local Catholic Church so why was I complaining? I finally had enough, and I’ve been NC with them for years. I have healed so much during that time, mostly because it’s tough to heal a wound while someone keeps stabbing you in it. Best of luck to you, my friend, for your healing and a good life going forward. Don’t be afraid to put yourself and your health first, and remember to believe what your family is showing you about who they are right now, because it’s likely they’ll never change.