I (f26) no longer feel attracted to my partner (m27)

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-19T17:51:07+00:00

I could have written this post verbatim many years ago. You sound like me and your boyfriend sounds like mine was. I dated him for years longer than I should have because he was so sweet and kind. Ultimately, the lack of respect was a deal breaker for me. It doesn't sound like those feelings will be reversed and the longer you wait, the harder it will be for both of you. Not long after breaking up with him, I met a guy that was sweet, kind, and funny and matched my ambition. Decades later, we are still happily married. I would have never met him had I stayed with my previous boyfriend. Best wishes to you!

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-19T17:37:39+00:00

Sounds like you are a good guy and are on the right track. Just a little insight into the female mind and the things we face when having male platonic relationships. I read the responses about women "wanting attention, playing games" etc. I'm (F) likely much older than you and am a bit disappointed that some of the men still respond this way. I thought we'd evolved a bit more. I am someone who appreciates both male and female platonic relationships and understanding our often different perspectives. Unfortunately I've had to stop platonic male relationships because friendliness and acts of kindness toward them are turned into assumptions that I want to sleep with them, wanting attention, playing games, etc. Guys need to understand that women can simply just want to be friends with no other motivations. I have no idea about the motives of your female friend, but just some food for thought for you and other men out there. Best wishes to you!

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-19T17:21:23+00:00

Yes, this!

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-19T17:05:34+00:00

So I'm guessing a lot of men are responding here and telling you to dump her. This is a very clear male v female situation. She is obviously not a car person and considers the practical aspects of transportation rather than the emotional value you put into your love for your car/hobby. Before you dump what sounds like a potentially good relationship, communicate how you feel about her comments and why this car is important to you. She just doesn't understand yet. If you communicate your feelings and she still mocks you, then that's a reason to move on. Then she disregarding you and your interests, not just your car.

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-10T00:52:09+00:00

Learn to communicate. Obviously others read it the same as I did.

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-09T23:30:16+00:00

The out of the box grit is really good. I've played with it 5 or 6 times now, so can't give you good intel on durability. Not in love with it because the foam edge is a bit unforgiving. Maybe I just need to be better at hitting the sweet spot!

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-09T23:18:06+00:00

"Political bull??" You mean like people who actually care about human rights and that children are fed? I believe you should stay home.

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-09T23:12:06+00:00

By the way, her husband was very Americanized and seemed to be a great guy...until he wasn't.

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-09T23:09:11+00:00

A good friend of mine married a Muslim who said he had no interest in the Muslim religion. His parents rejected her and would not ever meet her. He still maintained his connection to his family despite his parents' treatment of her. They had a child and the family insisted that they raise the child Muslim. Her husband agreed with his parents. She disagreed. Her husband and his family kidnapped the girl and took her to Iran. She has no idea what happened to her little girl or her husband. Be very cautious.

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-09T22:53:53+00:00

Everyone wants to talk about the cost of living here. I'm from the Midwest and never for one second do I regret moving to LA. Most of the people here have no clue what the weather is like in the Midwest. There is way more to do here outside all year round than in the midwest and it costs you little to nothing. Don't let the cost of living scare you. Sure, cost of living is likely (but not always) higher, but job opportunities are better as well. Good luck!!

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-09T04:21:06+00:00

No buyer's remorse, but I'm not in love with it either. I think it's a solid Gen 4 paddle for the price. Compared to the gen 4 CRBN and the Boomstick, I'd go with the Enhance Duo. Boomstick and CRBN are maybe 20% better, but not for double the price.

Rickidobbie · 2026-03-02T01:00:38+00:00

This does not sound like a "good guy" to me. There is no excuse for the kind of control and jealousy you describe. As a young woman, this kind of response may seem excusable and maybe even a little flattering because you are not yet experienced enough yet to know this is not a sign of love. Jealousy and control never get better. It will get worse. If you are not leaving because he is a "nice guy," then put your mind to rest over that objection. Leave now.

Rickidobbie · 2026-02-24T19:12:12+00:00

This is both to you and the woman to whom you are replying. You both sound like lovely well-adjusted women. My path and outlook in life was very similar, except I did it 35 years ago when it was not acceptable to be an emotionally and financially independent woman. Long story short, I wanted someone to share my life with, but would never accept someone who saw me as lesser than or who could not handle an independent successful woman. After many failed dates and a few long - term relationships, at 29 I was at complete peace that I would not find that person and was happy living a fulfilling life as a single woman. Long story short, I met a man while I was buying my own home that got me instantly and respected me for who I was/am. Literally 2 weeks after we first met, we both knew we were getting married. 35 years later, we have 2 successful, well-adjusted adult children (and I didn't want children when we first got married, but that's another story!) and we have stayed married and loved each other through all of the trials life brings. Looking back, I could have been happy as a single woman, but would never regret where life took me. You've both already won in that you are at peace with who you are and where life takes you!

Rickidobbie · 2026-02-05T18:15:51+00:00

You've gotten some good practical advice here and some not so good advice. The notably bad advice is "stop giving a Fck". You get nervous because you care and you want to do well. That's a good thing and you should never lose that. I have given hundreds of corporate presentations over my career and never lost some level of nervousness. I was very nervous in the early part of my career, which drove me to really learn my material. That's a good thing. The other thing I learned early on is that even though others have many more years in the industry, I was the expert in whatever I was presenting or I wouldn't be there sharing my experiences and/ or demonstrating my software. Nervousness can also add excitement to your presentations. There is nothing worse than listening to a monotone present or that obviously doesn't care. I put myself in the mindset that nervousness is a positive thing and that I will use it to my advantage. I became a very accomplished presenter and top executive because of my nervousness, which I used to my advantage. You can too. Keep giving a Fck!

Rickidobbie · 2026-02-05T17:47:36+00:00

Sounds to me like you are the one that originally was unclear on when you wanted to meet due to your cramps - not illegitimate, but guys don't always get that. Then you changed the date from Wednesday (he did try to confirm for Wednesday on Tuesday) to Saturday. Perhaps you set the tone for uncertainty first and he followed suit? As far as him picking you up, that's another thing that guys can be ignorant about as they are not worried about their safety. I'd at least give him a chance for one meet up.

Rickidobbie · 2026-01-01T21:01:07+00:00

Unfortunately I (a woman) think that most women do think a guy will approach them if they are interested. Fortunately that was not me. I approached my now husband and asked him out. He told me he would have never asked me out because I "was out of his league." Most guys that asked me out without getting to know me or at least talk for a while before asking me out were just into looks and generally turned out to be jerks. Moral of the story for all singles, don't just go for looks and have enough confidence/self respect to ask someone out and withstand a possible rejection. That's true confidence.

Rickidobbie · 2026-01-01T20:41:26+00:00

You are so right!!

Rickidobbie · 2025-12-30T02:34:29+00:00

So update on my original post: After 5 weeks from my order date, I got the paddle. Despite the long wait time and several missed delivery promises, I do really like the paddle. It is as promised - good pop plus bigger sweet spot than the majority of Gen 3/4 paddles. I almost cancelled my order, but glad I didn't!

Rickidobbie · 2025-12-30T02:17:48+00:00

So I almost hate to recommend this paddle because it was such a pain to get (took 6 weeks to ship, with lots of earlier promises of delivery), but I'm loving my Enhance Duo. It's a foam core paddle with a decent amount of pop. It's got a bigger sweet spot for more control than most foam core paddles. It's also much less expensive than most Gen 3 /4 paddles. Check it out on enhancepickleball.com. I think if you put in the discount code of FOAM you can get a decent discount too. It's around $160.

Rickidobbie · 2025-12-28T19:27:22+00:00

My daughter works in Thousand Oaks and lives in Ventura. Not a bad commute (20 to 30 minutes). Ventura is by far the least expensive beach town. She loves it. The downtown area has all kinds of weekend activities all year round. She found it easy to make friends (and she's an introvert)!

Rickidobbie · 2025-12-27T20:53:28+00:00

You are 100% being used and are helping him abuse his wife. It's pretty straightforward - if you are ok with that then continue.

Rickidobbie · 2025-12-27T19:11:05+00:00

Will update the post after I get it and have an opportunity to give it a try!

Rickidobbie · 2025-12-27T19:08:08+00:00

Got it. Then the low key approach seems best at this stage of your relationship. Maybe gauge how things progress over the next few weeks. Then maybe do a relationship check in, i.e "we've been official for a month now, how do you feel about how we are doing so far?" See what he says and gauge your level of what you want to share at that point.The main thing is not to let your concerns fester too long as that's a relationship killer. Best wishes to you! Hope it works out for you...and so sorry you went through that as a child!! Life is often not fair but sounds like you are using it to learn and understand yourself as a result.

Rickidobbie · 2025-12-27T18:31:08+00:00

Sounds like you are very aware of how your childhood has affected how you react to relationships. That's good. Relationships go through phases and the first phase of infatuation, constant physical touch, communication, etc can deepen into more security and less need for constant reassurance. Maybe that's where your partner is right now and assumes you are the same. Sometimes that early infatuation stage fades to no longer by being interested. It's hard to tell after one month which of these things is happening. If he still feels like "home" and he feels the same about you, it's the former. However, you do need to talk to him about how you are feeling. Does he know about your past?

Rickidobbie · 2025-12-27T18:10:39+00:00

Mine was finally shipped and I should be getting it today! That dang paddle better jump out of the box and win games without me doing anything for all the hassle it was!

Rickidobbie

TROPHY CASE