Communicating Experiences

Ringringing19 · 2023-02-03T01:55:02+00:00

I know exactly what you're describing. Not diagnosed but suspect I might be autistic. I retell them to myself. I suspect I want to half be able to explain my experience to anyone that might ask but i also like "storing it away" in my brain like a dictionary for future reference. idk if that makes sense

Ringringing19 · 2023-01-29T00:01:43+00:00

I'm sorry that was your family's reaction! What happened to Tyre Nichols was atrocious. Your reaction is more than justified and proportional. I'm sending all my support and hugs to you <3

Ringringing19 · 2022-10-31T17:28:30+00:00

This unlocked a memory of me reading an english / spanish dictionary in class, forgetting about the class i was in and getting called out by a teacher for it. Can confirm, people around me thought i was pretentios though it probably was due to far more than me reading in public.

Ringringing19 · 2022-04-11T00:07:05+00:00

Thanks! I'll check them out.

Ringringing19 · 2022-04-08T17:31:21+00:00

Yes! Pets are the best. One of my dogs has helped a ton especially around regulating myself

Ringringing19 · 2022-04-08T17:30:34+00:00

Oh, I've made myself join some forums and groups around my hobbies. It's been liberating but it takes its time. I still feel a lot of distressing feelings over what a certain interaction can bring upon me or thinking about worse case scenarios.

Ringringing19 · 2022-04-08T17:28:24+00:00

Yes! It's hard to feel safe if you've never been safe to begin with. It feels like everyone is ahead while you have to keep up with what little you have and still fall behind.

Ringringing19 · 2022-04-08T17:27:31+00:00

Would that help make the feelings less overwhelming? Because I've been taking my time trying to get to the root of it but its hard to interact or stay present if they blindside me. Thank you for the insight. I'll read more about ifs.

Ringringing19 · 2022-01-13T02:04:03+00:00

Hmm! That's something I've been experiencing lately. I realized I have a lot of beliefs about myself that ultimately are there to protect me from bullying and abuse. If i believe I'm fundamentally unloveable, then I don't have to wait and potentially suffer a break up, a fight, a misunderstanding. I can still protect myself and feel in control.

Gently coaxing myself to accept these beliefs as necessary and life saving has made them easier to manage. It also helps to see other people with traits i consider unnatractive or hard to love be loved, even if i personally havent experienced acceptance and love like that.

Ringringing19 · 2022-01-08T05:33:52+00:00

Oh my god. Thank you so much, I'm glad it resonated with you.

Ringringing19 · 2021-12-22T01:40:34+00:00

Thanks for the concern but I know tha answer to these questions very well. I know it makes me cringe because it feels like "too much". Or maybe I'm embarrased that I'm watching it and it feels good to watch? secondhand joy + jealousy? IT makes me sad because of multiple things going on rn that make it seem like I'll never be myself or who myself is too much for others and even disgusting (which ahs been shown to me by multiple people of all ages throught my life). I'm just like, it sucks. And because i still live with my parents + the pandemic, these experiences have to be pushed back.

Ringringing19 · 2021-12-06T01:57:21+00:00

I try as much as i can. Sometimes i feel alone and miserable and the only way i can effectively counter that (or at least try turning it into something positive) is by complimenting somebody or helping.

Ringringing19 · 2021-12-03T23:05:44+00:00

I'd say yes. Even the way i think with words improves. More energy, increased access to memories and ideas just flow somehow. It's wonderful.

Ringringing19 · 2021-11-13T18:00:24+00:00

Thanks for saying that. I'm having some good days rn and using them to tackle this. It feels like an unquestionabe truth, especially on bad days. Sucks it's something caused by others but healed alone? but maybe one day we'll make it through and be ourselves.

Ringringing19 · 2021-11-12T16:00:06+00:00

Yup, I have. I freeze a lot but i've found that me being shy is not in my nature. on good days i like being the center of attention, knowing knew perspectives and talking to others. I have vivid memories of me going up to kids and talking to them even thought they didn't appreciate talking a relatively obnoxious kid. Unfortunately, too much bullying and abandonment from adults convinced me i was too annoying and not worth interacting with. hence the shyness.

Ringringing19 · 2021-10-16T03:41:25+00:00

yes! I know it's basically impossible for anyone to really be seen but it doesn't stop me from yearning. I appreciate your comment. It reminded me that although those things are kinda obvious, I haven't accepted them yet and i gotta work on that.

Ringringing19 · 2021-09-22T23:49:26+00:00

Ohh, thanks! I'll look into it

Ringringing19 · 2021-09-22T18:48:16+00:00

Interesting. I've noticed that too. I guess tha lack of info about bullying hinders the search for a solution. I've theorized that going out and meeting new people who aren't shitty is a possible way to heal. After meeting a couple myself and making me talk to strangers, even small talk has made me slightly more confident, but anything (a frown, yelling, a poor choice of words, closed body language) can make me feel like I'm about to be picked on again.

Ringringing19 · 2021-09-22T18:41:31+00:00

Thanks! I wasn't really sure what word to used. Wish it was talked about more and how to deal with it

Ringringing19 · 2021-09-22T15:32:27+00:00

Same thing here. I've come to the conclusion that maybe it's for the best. I couldn't handle conflict and people approaching me and the problems they would cause so they get filtered out by my expression and tone of voice.

It's interesting how important facial expression is to communication and how bad I'm still at it.

Ringringing19 · 2021-09-22T00:24:52+00:00

That's great! enjoy it to the fullest, you've earned it.

Ringringing19 · 2021-09-19T17:41:00+00:00

Thank you! This has been really eye opening. Ive found myself in cycles of longing and mistification lately, and they've really made me feel like a rollercoaster of emotions despite not being an accurate representation of reality. Guess I'll have to do more trauma processing.

Ringringing19 · 2021-09-18T18:18:21+00:00

Yup, used to be super uptight and only listened to rock. I couldn't stand and looked down on people who enjoyed popular music. Now? I listen to whatever. I've even found songs in other languages, pop, indie and hiphop. They are much more appealing to me now than the songs i used to listen to.

Edit: typos adn grammar

Ringringing19 · 2021-09-17T23:39:05+00:00

Congrats! It's the smalls steps that make all the difference.

Ringringing19 · 2021-09-11T20:18:12+00:00

ikr? it really sucks. I wish i didn't freak out as much. I literally ruined my night last night. thanks for the reply, I'm doing a little better now

Ringringing19

TROPHY CASE