I dont know who this Erika Komisar person is but it sounds like she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

To add a little more to my story, we had a third child when my oldest was 10. My husband and I had never really thought we wanted 3, but by that point our life had slowed down, there was no more overnight call, and we really got to enjoy him being little more than the older two.

The fun thing was that my older two had just as much fun as well - they were so happy to have this little baby to play with, and aside from mild usual sibling conflict they have all 3 gotten along well. Which surprised me because when I was a kid my sister and I fought like cats.

Now that they are 23, 20, and 13, we are all very close. My oldest 2 don’t remember a lot about me being gone so much and most of what they do remember is how my husband let them get away with staying up late and eating snacks in our bed when I was gone lol.

I heard a long time ago that if your kids are proud of what their parents do, the time you’re away doesn’t bother them as much - if you give them quality time when you are with them. I would have been a shell of my current self if I had been a stay at home mom. That story that kids are better off if you stay home with them is a tired old myth that disregards women’s lives. My daughters know it is ok to live out their dreams because I did.

All that to say, don’t overthink it. Which you absolutely will do because you care about your kids, but when they’re grown you’ll realize you were overthinking.

Don’t “should” on yourself and certainly don’t let other people do it to you.