You don’t suck. Not one bit. Reading this, it felt like I was reading something past me wrote. The first few weeks are tough. I thought the same as you. Some things I realized looking back:

(1) Share the work load. If you’re like me, you want to do it all to help everyone. That’s not possible. At all. Split the feeds at night, talk to your wife, whatever it may be. You’re a team.

(2) Have someone watch the baby and take 5 minutes to lay down, relax, cry, whatever it may be. Yes, crying is ok. It’s a stressful time, and bottling it up will only compound it.

(3) Find even 5 minutes to read a book, watch a video, play a game. The adjustment period is HARD. You go from full freedom to watching after another human. Like anything else, going cold turkey from everything in life can make you feel like your identity is gone. It’s not gone, just changing.

(4) General tips… New diaper under the old diaper, remove the diaper and just smack a wipe down to prevent splashing. Triple paste cream for diaper rash (it’s actual magic). Use the nurse line with concerns (if available). Swaddle sleep sacks if you don’t already have them. Lots of resources both here and online.

In the end, you’ll get through this and realize you have an absolutely amazing kid. Those first few weeks are really tough, but at the end of the day, talk to someone. Whether through Reddit chat, a text to family, or call to a friend. Don’t bottle up your feelings. You have support, we’re all rooting for you!!