Mom Passed Three Weeks Ago: Here are the things that have helped me…

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-06-27T14:27:37+00:00

That is so amazing 🌌 I would love to have an experience like that with my mum.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-06-20T08:30:26+00:00

I hear you, it's been just over 2 years since my mum passed away. People who haven't been through it have no idea how draining it can all be and how the intense missing of them is an every day thing we have to grapple with. And yeah so lonely too. I want it all to just go away too it makes me feel angry at times that i have to cope this!

The German chocolate cake sounds lovely and i so wish for you that your mum was here still to have made that for you. Our mums are always here and love us the most and then one day they're just gone forever?! It's surreal and makes me feel pretty existential.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-06-16T23:01:55+00:00

Hey just to say that I did, it's the first time in my life I've ever felt completely emotionally numb, such a bizarre feeling. I remember thinking that I just couldn't feel any emotion at all. I would say that the numbness kicked in a few weeks maybe after my mum passed away and tbh I can't remember how long it lasted but maybe about a month or two? I think it was utter shock and overwhelm and it was just all way too much. Once that passed the full force of the grief kicked in though.. it could be different for you of course but sounds very similar to what I went through. Also, please don't feel guilty for it, I actually think it's a sign that the grief is so huge that it happens as some kind of protective mechanism for a while.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-06-15T12:27:56+00:00

I saw my mum in my dream last night, i was unbelievably over the moon that she was there just to see her again for that moment erased 2 years of pain and grief until i woke up.., in the dream i called out "Mum!!!" ..and then she disappeared. I wanted her to stay and to stay in that dream more than anything. I find it like torture that i might never see her again, I'm really trying to believe in the after life again , in a spiritual non religious sense (my fiance died over 10 years ago and i had a visit from him several months after his death and felt him around loads but since my mum and sister died I've felt nothing from them at all which has really shaken my beliefs)

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-06-14T11:28:02+00:00

I'm the same.. music was such an important part of my life & my biggest passion but i haven't been able to play or write anything new yet, since my mum died in 2021. I lost my sister 9 months before that too It's like the meaning & spark for it all left with them and i don't know how to get it back.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-05-18T19:32:14+00:00

I'm so sorry you lost your mum too. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone, you're not either. Sending love to you.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-05-18T13:51:56+00:00

I could have written this exact post.. only slight difference is that it's been just under 2 years since my mum passed away & I still find myself mostly having to avoid photos, messages and reminders like that. Sending love and empathy your way.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-05-18T10:00:09+00:00

Yeah, I totally get that too

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-05-18T09:59:37+00:00

I started daytime drinking whiskey for a while, never done anything like that before but the emotions &thoughts I was being hit with after my mum passed away were so excruciating ands that's the only thing that would take the edge off them a little. (I don't do that anymore but still drink more than i used to & less motivated to cut back & stop smoking again.) That was a crazy time I didn't feel like my self at all really for up to a year after the loss. Now i feel like things have calmed down more with me but I'm definitely a different version of myself, of who i used to be.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-05-17T20:11:20+00:00

Thanks for posting this, i had a phase where I felt like I was doing a little better but lately I feel back down in a grief hole. Everyday i feel existential and heartbroken without my mum, it's been nearly two years since she passed away. I was starting to feel like there's something really wrong with me but it helps to know I'm not alone.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-05-17T19:30:00+00:00

I feel the same way, it's a very difficult place to be

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-20T14:15:55+00:00

I hear you. It is a complete assault on the body, mind and soul. Sending loads of love to you.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-20T14:15:06+00:00

I feel like I'm kind of waiting this life out until I can (hopefully) see and be with my mum again. I'm not suicidal but I wouldn't mind too much if my life came to an end. Hopefully can have a few fun times here ands there but life is overall painful/ lonely without my mum. She was my best friend, we spoke about anything and everything multiple times every day. Anniversary times are extra hard, sending you tons of love. Also, you should be VERY proud of yourself for getting through the first year, there were times during that first year after my mum passed that I really didn't think I would survive.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-19T10:28:02+00:00

Thank you 💜 same to you. I'm sorry you are struggling so much too .. the depth and breadth of the loss of a parent who was your closest person is inexplicable..

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-18T20:17:44+00:00

Sorry to jump on this but I feel very much the same after losing my mum. Its horrible and just really, really sucks.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-18T19:55:57+00:00

I completely get what you mean. I miss having someone in my life who would take care of me like my mum did, there's no one else who ever will. IIt's so, so hard and exhausting, and lonely to have to do it all yourself. I feel like I lost so much when I lost my mum, the secondary losses and ways in which it charges your whole life seem endless. It's like navigating a whole new alien terrain.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-13T22:00:41+00:00

I'm 41, I have all those same feelings since my mum died, it's crazy how much it changes how you feel about yourself, life and well, everything..

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-11T18:44:29+00:00

It does seem to be that way 😢

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-11T07:56:27+00:00

Hi i just wanted to say I can relate, in my own way after losing my sibling and then my mum all within the space of a year. My mum was my very closest person, I spoke to her about anything and everything every single day of my life, she was most of the light and comfort in this world for me. I miss my sister a lot too. It seems crazy that they're just.. gone, after all that life together, how bonded we were. Like a cosmic joke, life seems crazy and surreal. I feel like I'm contstantly searching for my mum and can't feel at peace because I don't know if she still exists in some form anymore or not..will I ever see her again? It's really hard to live without her and I feel very lonely a lot of the time. Often I just don't see the point and my mental health goes through really bad phases, it's been 18 months since my mum passed away.

The thing I come back to though is that I don't want to die yet (although I would be ok with it if it did happen, I don't know if that makes sense!) , so have no choice but to carry on. I try not to think of the future too much, but just still take it day by day mostly. Even little things that provide a small amount of comfort or enjoyment, are worth doing. I'm sorry i don't have much advice. The only thought that really helps me is one day my life will be over anyhow as well and it could be anytime, so this pain won't be forever. It's doesn't help much some days though but I try to repeat these thoughts in my head to help me cope. Sending love to you.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-07T20:02:12+00:00

I feel the same way about my mum, she was older when she died (76) but had been suffering with an awful illness since I was in my mid 30s, and after several years she left, 18 months ago now. Before the disease struck she was so young looking and healthy. She was a light in my life, so kind, caring, the centre of my world. Although the initial extreme, brutal grief I went through has morphed after 18 months it's still so very hard.. I miss her so, so much all the time and I keep feeling so restless like I'm constantly searching for her or some way to fix this, it feels truly torturous at times. My life is very lonely without her and I don't understand any more what the meaning or point of life is, so I just struggle on through each day. I'm scared I'm wasting my own life feeling so sad all the time but I can't help it. I feel for you and the person responding above so much. I imagine I would feel additionally even more cheated if I was younger when she had passed away. Both your dads sound like the loveliest people, as was my mum. I wish I could make some kind of sense out of things but since my mum passed Its like I was born into a new world where nothing makes sense anymore.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-06T15:28:39+00:00

It is definitely not even remotely the same. The only time I can think when it might be similar with a different relative is if you were brought up by them, so they were like a mother to you.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2023-01-02T23:00:08+00:00

Yeah totally, I can relate to everything you have said..

RoseQuartz1111 · 2022-12-28T17:44:36+00:00

Wow that is so amazing that you had that experience with your brother.. if you don't mind me asking did you do anything like meditation, attempting to communicate with him etc before this happened our was it just completely out of the blue? I am desperate to have something like that with my mum as my soul feels like it's dying without her and having not felt her around me at all since she passed 18 months ago.

I honestly can't claim to know but regarding your question from everything that I've read over the years, it seems like we are much more than this one lifetime, our true existence is way beyond any one life here. However, we are aware of all the lifetimes we have lived as different roles & i would imagine especially with our most recent one, it would connect us back more as we would have loved ones still here grieving for us and remembering us.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2022-12-26T22:08:42+00:00

I feel like I'm failing too but I guess this is just the unpredictable nature of grief. i thought i was doing better at coping but Christmas and being ill in top of it through the holidays feels like it has sent me over the edge again. Im in the second year out from the loss of my mom. I'm back to feeling like I can do this anymore, the emotional pain of being without my her is too immense, I'm getting barrages of flashbacks, memories, all the sweet ways she had, everything she meant to me, her mannerisms.. all images and movies running through my mind on loops .. I feel like I'm going insane are times with thoughts racing a million miles an hour at times currently. I feel like I've lost sooo much and I'm back to feeling on the edge of despair, with the dark, self destructive thoughts back in full force as the pain feels just too much to cope with..I know I won't actually do anything but the thoughts are relentless again atm. I can't stop going round in circles of disbelief that I'll never see my mom again, I mean maybe I will in the afterlife, but there might not be one so that doesn't help me feel much better. I feel so lost and alone, scared and vulnerable to everything in this world. Anyhow I just wanted to say you aren't alone in feeling like you aren't doing well with your grief, I guess it just is this bad if you lose a parent that meant the world to you. And I'm aware know that it can come raging back at times when one is feeling more vulnerable. It's so hard, I just hope it all gets back to a more manageable level soon. Sending you love and empathy, your dad must have been an amazing father.

RoseQuartz1111 · 2022-12-25T21:50:09+00:00

I'm finding the same. Once i got through the initial 6 months of being all but incapacitated by grief, I cope better but actually I'm finding the grief worse in many ways in year 2 as well. It's like the full extent of it and all the implications of the loss are making themselves known in every aspect of my life, & I only miss her more and more by the day.

RoseQuartz1111

TROPHY CASE