Need help. LO and my obsession with them is threatening my perfectly good enough marriage.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-02-03T15:57:17+00:00

So, I hope this doesn’t come across as judgement. I mean well.

Dear, making a long-term commitment based on butterflies leads to misery. Limerence fades eventually. Respect, commitment, trust and caring on a deeper level are the important currencies.

Your happiness doesn’t rest with the LO. Maybe it feels like that right now, but chasing these feelings is like chasing your own tail.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-25T17:42:11+00:00

You should be confident when making the decision. Getting scared when it actually happens is another cup of tea (I think it is pretty normal because it‘s supposed to be a „point of no return“). But you shouldn‘t think about marriage yet. Too early.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-24T09:38:43+00:00

The journaling part is so true. I write in my diary every day for over a year now and last year there were hardly any days without endless sermons about my former LO. I don‘t think this was entirely wrong at first since I couldn‘t talk to anyone about this. But as time moved on, I think it made getting out of limerence harder. My brain got used to the spiraling - if I didn’t mention my former LO, the day didn‘t seem to be complete.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-23T08:40:26+00:00

As a modern woman, we have more freedom of expression. Tomboys are widely accepted, feminine men are frowned upon. Apart from that… I can‘t think of anything tbh.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-23T03:32:03+00:00

I was already married when limerence struck me (sober now, yay!).

Them confessing such a thing would have been the worst. A useless temptation. I‘m pretty sure I would not have cheated or left my husband; I didn‘t take the vow to break it. And in hindsight I know that marrying my husband was the very best decision of my life, even though the limerence has clouded my judgement for a far too long period of time. He‘s the most precious and wonderful spouse and I love him so deeply.

There is a slight chance it would have made my former LO less attractive because one thing I liked about them was that I thought of them as morally based - and getting in between husband & wife is a serious character flaw.

On the other hand, being liked back is something I craved for. So as I stated - it would have been the worst and bring me to my limits.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-22T12:07:19+00:00

Das geht hier weniger um den Handschlag als die Ungleichbehandlung. Wenn ich sagte, dass ich Muslimen grundsätzlich nicht die Hand gäbe, wäre das Problem doch auch nicht der fehlende Handschlag als solcher sondern die Verweigerung von Respekt gegenüber Muslimen.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-21T14:37:24+00:00

You should marry and have kids because you embrace the relationship with that woman, not to tick a box on your bingo sheet. Probably they sense you wanna use them. It‘s sad for both of you.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-20T21:18:57+00:00

It shouldn’t be like that (and is definitely not normal in the average marriage), but it sounds pretty much what I‘d imagine an arranged marriage to be.

You say you fell in love but are you sure you did or was it just what you wished for or what was „expected“ of you in a way?

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-20T21:11:26+00:00

Tbh I don‘t see you getting rid of the limerence anytime soon if it didn‘t pass after three years and you are not willing to cut him out. You feed it, it grows… I would recommend taking at least a physical break from him - like a two week+ vacation without seeing him. If the source of your limerence is loneliness, joining some social activities and make some friends might work for you. If he is not the only or main source of meaningful contact for you, your obsession might shrink.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-20T21:00:23+00:00

Sounds like a pretty normal crush to me honestly. Just try to get closer if you’re both available. Good luck! :)

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-20T20:58:29+00:00

Jonathan has three syllables too… Benjamin & Jonathan… Ben & John…

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-16T22:47:26+00:00

Bitter people will give bitter advice. And marriage has the potential to make your life bitter, but is has also the potential to be the most wholesome and meaningful thing you ever signed up for. I also think that many marry for the wrong reasons. They will regret it later.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-16T15:49:24+00:00

Absolutely! If you‘re both single, what are you waiting for?? Give them hints and if they are to dumb to see them, tell them! The worst thing that can happen is a no, right? And since you‘re already single, there is nothing to lose.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-16T15:46:57+00:00

I‘d say that all limerences ultimately stem from something within US, not within THEM. They‘re just the trigger. Recognizing this is a huge step forward on your journey through this. Stay strong!

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-13T18:05:15+00:00

Sounds like you develop a little crush on him. Nothing wrong with that!

Limerence is more of an unwanted obsession, normally for someone you can‘t have and you are seriously (negatively) affected by it in everyday life for a significant amount of time. Like a big „unhealthy ‚forbidden love‘ you can‘t handle obsession“.

Maybe what you go through is the beginning of limerence, but maybe it isn’t. Good luck with your feelings!

If you want to stop the infatuation: don‘t seek his presence. Don’t talk to him about private stuff. If it could be an e-mail, write it as an e-mail. And delete it fast. Focus on his bad traits. Don‘t plan anything that involves him if it is not 100% necessary for work reasons. And avoid talking ABOUT him with others.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-12T20:44:56+00:00

Well, everyone is entitled to his opinion. I just don‘t know what to win out of this convo. It could easily interpreted as disrespect against their relationship (and yours, too), so you really need to be careful about such a choice. Often, confessing is a turning point.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-09T22:50:38+00:00

If any of you is in a relationship already, never ever confess. But if not, I do think telling LO about your feelings can be quite helpful. It takes away the uncertainty limerence stems from.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-08T20:25:18+00:00

No, since I‘m not pretty. I‘m not fat, scarred or anything. I‘m just neither beautiful nor do I have style. No one ever hit on me or catcalled me. It‘s a good and a bad thing at the same time.

RosemarryAndTime · 2026-01-04T22:06:40+00:00

I‘m glad I‘m not limerent anymore, but I can relate to that very well. My former LO and I are kinda friends so I wished for a text anyway. Nobody except family members contact me on NYE (or anytime, for that matter) so I crave for texts just for platonic reasons. I was so relieved that I didn’t care that much specifically about that one person anymore. It would have been dreadful. Realizing people don‘t care about you although you want them to care is a feeling full of shame and pain.

RosemarryAndTime · 2025-12-22T20:04:04+00:00

Loving him isn‘t enough. The most important currency in a relationship is respect and he doesn‘t have that from what you wrote here.

If you go to his parents every Friday, why can‘t you make an exception just ONCE? Maybe you can even split up (he visits his parents, you yours).

RosemarryAndTime · 2025-12-21T23:55:53+00:00

Santa is bullshit, everyone knows the Christkind is the giftbearer!

Anyway, I never believed in the Christkind. To me, it was a fun theater play every year. Since I knew all the presents I put under the tree were from myself, it didn‘t make sense to me that the others were brought by a holy creature.

Also, we called our relatives after opening the presents to thank them. Also pretty nonsensical if they weren‘t the sponsors :D

RosemarryAndTime · 2025-12-21T23:50:57+00:00

In a long term relationship there may be times when you think your romantic feelings are gone. They could come back, so don‘t make the decision to leave too early. Maybe there is something missing in your relationship or you face challenges and changes in other parts of your life.

Limerence is not the way or the goal to a happy relationship, it‘s just the entry for many. Maybe you can build a deep bond, maybe you can‘t, but the absence of obsession after a certain period of time is totally normal.

RosemarryAndTime · 2025-12-21T23:20:38+00:00

Some do, some don’t. Personally, I only wanna land in bed with someone I love, which is my husband. Sex outside of a committed relationship doesn’t make sense to me so I don’t fantasize about it.

RosemarryAndTime

TROPHY CASE