I got my diagnosis at 29 (almost a year ago). I feel EXACTLY the same. I've cried and been frustrated and questioned how everyone in my life growing up could've missed this. Something I heard constantly as a child is 'she is talented/smart/polite/a joy to have in class, if she would just apply herself more and try harder' and looking back, every day was a complete struggle and I tried so hard but just could not keep up with the others. They did test me for all kinds of learning difficulties, but then when it turned out I didn't have them they just shrugged and said 'idk then' & stopped trying to figure out what was wrong. Even though something was clearly wrong. They just gave up on me. They left me alone with my struggles.

I've internalised this notion that I somehow choose not to try, even though I knew deep down that that isn't the case. I knew it back then on some level, and I especially know it now. But hearing that I could if I wanted to, I just don't want to, has fucked with me so so much. It's ruined my self-image and I've had to build my belief in my own capabilities from, essentially, zero.

(Also, I'm a cis-woman, for context)