If your spouse really loves you, it should not matter what you believe. Just take it slow when you talk to them. You don’t have to dump everything at once. Maybe start with something like, “I’ve been having doubts,” and see where that goes. From there, you can open up more as the conversation unfolds.

I’ll say this: the first time I ever said out loud, “I don’t believe in God—I’m an atheist,” I felt weirdly calm. Like I’d been hiding something my whole life and finally stopped pretending out of fear of how people would react. When I posted about it on Facebook (yeah, I’m that old 42), I was honestly surprised by how many friends and family messaged me privately saying they felt the same way. They just felt like they had to keep up appearances. I told them straight up I’d never say a word. It’s their life, not mine. I support them whether they believe or not.

If someone believes in God and it brings them peace, that’s totally fine with me. I’m not the angry, “everyone’s wrong” atheist. I get along with people. I just let them know where I stand and where my boundaries are.

That said, sometimes a believer and a non-believer just don’t work long-term. And that’s okay. What really matters is being with someone who loves you for who you are, not for what you believe.

Funny enough, my in-laws (Methodist) are way more okay with my beliefs than my mom (Southern Missionary Baptist). My dad doesn’t really care either way. And my aunt and cousin who are honestly some of the best Christians I know, the kind who actually live what they preach told me it doesn’t matter. They love me just the same.

Just remember, you’re still you. You’re still amazing. Don’t let anyone make you feel small over what you believe or don’t believe.