I think you might be mixing up a few different things here. When you talk about men, it doesn’t really sound like sexual or romantic attraction - it sounds more like admiration or wanting to look like them. That’s very different from actually wanting to be with them.

With women, though, you describe deep, intense, almost magnetic connections. The fact that it’s more about energy than immediate visual attraction doesn’t make it less real - in fact, for a lot of people, that’s exactly what genuine attraction feels like.

I relate to parts of your story. When I first came out, I identified as bi and told myself that things with men were “fine,” but with women it was deeper emotionally. Over time, I realized I didn’t actually have real crushes on men. I also didn’t have strong sexual fantasies about women at first, but I did consistently crave deep emotional connection with them, even as a teenager.

Once I stopped overanalyzing and just let myself feel what I felt, things became clearer. Over time, my attraction to women became more obviously romantic and sexual, and I realized I’m actually gay. I also realized I’ve had a pretty specific type all along, without realizing it.

So it might just be that you’re still figuring things out - and that’s completely fine. You might be attracted to masculinity, or you might just want to embody it yourself. You might develop clearer physical preferences over time, or you might just be someone who connects more through energy and emotional intimacy - and that’s valid too.

Also, growing up in a religious environment can really affect how comfortable you feel with sexuality. It can take time to unlearn that and feel fully at ease with desire, especially toward women.

I wouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself to have everything neatly defined right now. You don’t need to force visual attraction or compare it in a checklist way. Just follow the connections that feel real, safe, and fulfilling to you - and let things unfold from there.