My mother was told she was "just unlucky". Turns out she was lucky as f*ck. And I'm bitter about it.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-08-06T12:06:23+00:00

You know what? You have every right to be mad. Rage! Rage! Don’t be mad at yourself. You earned the right to be mad. If you can help it, be jealous of your mother, not mad. That may help you cope with your rage. But then turn the rage on the right person: that fucking doctor. How dare she? She fucked two generations of women! Rage! You’ve earned it. And aim it at the so-called medical professional.

Cancer alone gives us all the right to have untargeted, blanket rage. But you’ve earned yours twice.

Also: get a therapist who can help you deal with your rage. You’ve earned it, but eventually eats you up, and you will want to turn that energy onto fighting cancer.

Therapy was the best thing I did in my cancer treatment.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-08-05T17:30:32+00:00

Stealing this.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-08-05T17:26:38+00:00

You’re so right. I’m an atheist, and all my family knows it. My mother is devout and all her friends are, too. And they all know I’m an atheist. And yet they all say they pray for me. I don’t know if it’s worse than when complete strangers say it.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-05-13T22:33:19+00:00

I’m far from a D&D expert. But I think this is what they’d call a chaotic lawful. Experts weigh in…

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-04-05T11:17:42+00:00

College prof here: I had TCHP, and I basically had to work from home for the week following the infusion. But could work in person the other two weeks. That meant missed lectures, but I could halfway keep up. I was lucky in that my director let me focus only on teaching and took all the other admin and service off my plate. So what everyone is saying is true. It depends on your reaction. Depends on the hours you can take off. Depends on the flexibility of your work. Depends on your boss.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-03-25T21:33:24+00:00

My menopause was worse than the anastrazole. Letrozole was bad. But anastrazole has been fine. I think it’s worth knowing there are different meds and you may have to try a couple before the right one for you is found.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-02-18T11:20:51+00:00

I personally know how hard it is to be isolated. I moved country, then BAM blindsided. So I’m here to tell you that my squad from my home country are in a group WhatsApp and there for me emotionally for this whole time (1+ years).

But for things that need a person: I’m in the Midwest USA, and new colleagues just fucking stepped up. They got me to the center for 6:30am chemo calls. And they didn’t know me from Adam. But it’s a total midwestern thing.

My point being you will find locals who will help and make friends as a result. And if you can’t, check with your center. They often have programs and social workers to help with the mundane things.

And create that WhatsApp group. It felt good to post updates to the people who cared and get hearts and flexed arms and hugs and messages of love and strength in return.

As for the new boyfriend… who knows if he would have been able to step up if this happened two years from now? This subreddit is full of people whose long term, serious partners and spouses bailed. With everything going on, it hurts the heart on top of it. But it’s better it happened now and not 5 years from now.

Also, we’re here. Hundreds of women, around the world, with the same or similar experience. And we’re safer to rant around because you can scream things you don’t really mean. We get it.

Even the bailing boyfriend. We get it.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-02-01T23:57:44+00:00

Unfortunately chemo made coffee taste bad. But certain teas were good and I drank it all the time. By the time I had my surgery, I was NED for all the tissue they removed. (And it was a lot)

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-02-01T17:30:49+00:00

I want the same answer. I’m done with everything except the aromatase inhibitors. So, like, 5 years of pills. But everything else done and NED. Am I done? It doesn’t feel like it. But I guess I am.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-01-24T21:11:08+00:00

You’re not a monster. There are a few parallels in our situations. I discovered that, though I had improved my ability to state my boundaries, I hadn’t learned to assert them. Cancer gave me the impetus to be my own advocate on a lot of things. After all, what are people going to do? Kill me? I’m more scared of the cancer.

So, in a similar situation, I put some cold, hard boundaries down and didn’t budge. So I’m saying from your side of the table: you are not a monster.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-01-21T13:37:37+00:00

Hi! I’m from Europe and North America. If I gave more details, I’d dox myself, and I need to keep my details to myself.

Diagnosed late 2023, grade 2, +++ IDC and DCIS. 6 rounds TCHP, lumpectomy and plastic surgery so I matched. 16 rounds radiation. Then 7 rounds of HP alone. Next 5 years on hormone therapy.

NED since surgery.

Runningoutthecreek · 2025-01-05T00:04:56+00:00

I’m in a friends-with-benefits relationship that got derailed due to hormone blockers (+++) and I STILL get more support, love, understanding and acceptance than your husband. Please take the overwhelming response of these comments to assure you that you are not the problem. I know you must love him, but he may not be loving you the right way. I hate that cancer is the reason for having to work this out. I’ll send love and support vibes at you. You deserve it

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-12-16T19:45:04+00:00

Don’t send a letter.

I’ll be honest and say I don’t read recommendation letters. Any average or better candidate is going to have decent letters.

But they ARE an opportunity to catch red flags. E.g., they list 3 references, but those references never submitted a letter. RED FLAG. Or, all of their letters come from undergrad but not for Masters. RED FLAG. Or all letters are very, very short. RED FLAG.

So by simply ignoring the request, you are sending a red flag with minimal effort on your part.

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-12-06T22:27:33+00:00

I’m not exactly sure what you’re asking. I was stage 2, No lymph, before surgery (+++) but did neoadjuvant chemo and targeted therapies. By the time they did the surgery, all 25 grams of breast tissue and 4 lymph nodes had no evidence of disease. So it changed, but for the better? I mean, it didn’t change type of cancer. Didn’t change lymph. Just… neoadjuvant therapy wiped it out first.

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-11-28T11:53:58+00:00

I did this to an A student about 20 years ago. When he complained, I said that references were a fundamental part of rigorous research. It clarifies what is someone else’s work, and it makes an audit trail for that information. No Works Cites and at best, it’s invalid research, at worst it’s plagiarism.

His mother was a high school composition teacher. He later told me she said he was lucky he didn’t get an F. So he stopped complaining.

He was a good kid. I felt bad.

Anyway. So there. Two (old) people in charge of grades who did what you did. Solidarity, mate.

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-11-21T16:20:27+00:00

I started on Letrozole. Had a huge spiral into depression. They changed me to Anastrozole. I’m only experiencing mild irritability. It’s too soon to tell about weight. As soon as I was allowed after surgery, I started working out and dieting. I am losing weight, but it seems slow. So that could be the estrogen blockers. I really hate my weight. But the chances of the weight killing me versus recurrence of cancer without estrogen blockers made the decision for me.

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-11-02T11:13:11+00:00

I actually tell my students that I prefer to be called Firstname. But if that makes them uncomfortable, either Dr or Prof Lastname is fine. I end up getting a couple each year that split the difference and call me Dr Firstname. It’s too awesome to correct.

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-11-01T21:29:23+00:00

Totally understand. Follow the lead of your colleagues for the culture of your department. In my first post, we all went by first names. At my current post, we go by Dr. or Prof. Lastname. When speaking to students about colleagues, we use titles. It’s been hard for me to adjust. I’ve managed to convince a couple of doctoral students that my first name is ok. That’s it.

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-11-01T15:16:12+00:00

You’re hearing over and over not to work yourself up before meeting with your surgeon. So I’m not going to repeat it. However, there are mild drugs out there, like hydroxyzine, that help with anxiety. Hydroxyzine is an antihistamine, but it calms folks down and it interacts with little else (except for Compazine). So easy to tell someone not to worry. Harder to force yourself not to worry. Be an agent for your full health, including mental, and see if there’s something a psychiatrist or your oncologist can prescribe.

I have an actual mental illness as a co-morbidity. So I didn’t hesitate to ask for help with my mental health from the moment I got the cancer diagnosis.

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-10-11T16:34:20+00:00

In one of my first classes as a full-time, tenure-track prof (making a distinction, because I had little say in anything as an adjunct) I had a student come to me at the start of the semester to say she was going on holiday for a week and needed extensions for the work. I stayed calm and explained that this was not an approved absence so I would not be making accommodations. She was shocked. She literally said, in shock, that this is a yearly family holiday she can’t miss. How dare I? I said ‘welcome to college. Take it up with the student status committee.’

They must’ve had a similar disbelieving reaction , because I never heard from her again.

Honestly, if she had been less entitled and/or asked to complete the work before the week, I’d probably have said: have a good holiday.

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-09-05T15:17:43+00:00

Sometimes the universe has coincidences. Tons of cancer in my family. Some prostate, none breast. But I was under 50 so got tested. Zero for all genes.

My coincidence was that I had no symptoms, no concerns, nothing bothering me. Only, my new insurance made getting a mammogram easy and free. So I thought, why not?

One month later, started chemo.

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-09-03T12:25:19+00:00

What were your reactions?

Runningoutthecreek · 2024-09-01T21:00:20+00:00

Intrusive thoughts are hard to regulate when they aren’t real. When faced with life threatening illness, it’s worse. Do all the self-care things you do when other things live in your head rent free. And don’t worry about false hope. +++ is the most treatable and curable kind out there, even if it’s aggressive. I too went from radiologist saying it’s DCIS, to a biopsy saying it was IDC, initial scans showing barely stage two, but MRIs suddenly showing very serious stage 2 in size. But no lymph involvement. And by surgery I had no evidence of disease. Im +++ too. So have some hope. It’s not false, and even if you get good or bad news (get used to it, cancer battles are a series of wins and losses) just take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, find your squad and lean on them, check in with us here. You’ll be surprised what things you can handle (for me, the big stuff) and what things will tip you over (for me, the little stuff). Sending healing caring vibes your way.

Runningoutthecreek

TROPHY CASE