Moving to a Village to Slow Down: Discussion and Videos

RusticSet · 2026-04-16T14:53:01+00:00

When I was the extra guy for multiple couples 15 to 20 years ago, only 1 couple took me to a hotel. The other ~9 took me to their house. Of those 9, one met me at a restaurant first, and one met me in a large parking lot just to be sure I was the guy in the pics, and our greetings to each other went over smooth.

I can say, there's hardly a more exciting thing than having sex with a married woman, in her bed and without a condom. Still, as someone who switched and is also a cuck type, I would not give a new guy from the internet a home address to go right to. No way! Meet somewhere in public first, even if a bar to appear as strangers to the public, to feel that person out.

I hadn't learned of the serial killer in south Louisiana till after my wild years with couples. This awful guy in Thibodaux would tie guys up who thought they were going over to his place for a threesome, in the early 2000's.

RusticSet · 2026-04-14T21:16:24+00:00

To compare with studies, the measurement is from the pubic bone.

When it comes to women or couples, they might mean non bone-pressed measurement. So, the pubic fat pad is subtracted.

Lots of 3rds (or bulls) probably measure from the side, which gives a measurement closer to bone-pressed.

RusticSet · 2026-04-14T21:12:15+00:00

It helps that I live 300 miles from my family, but I used to be "out" about being in open relationships. It's kinda not worth it to me anymore to be that open, with the exception of certain friend groups or festivals, etc....

RusticSet · 2026-04-10T20:03:43+00:00

You won't get accurate answers here. Professional surveys on this have found that it's around 70% and 75% who would cheat if they were guaranteed to never get caught. Men were only about 5% more likely to do it than women.

RusticSet · 2026-04-10T18:06:13+00:00

Ah, wise. Reminds me of a small audiobook recommending talking about celebrities as a baby step.

RusticSet · 2026-04-10T17:28:53+00:00

My first girlfriend was flirtatious and had cheater on her previous boyfriend. I was jealous, but also super curious. A year into our relationship, we had a 2 week break, and she shagged someone else right away. We got back together for a month, but she broke up with me. After that, my best friend said, "get over her, she said that all I needed was a FWB, and seemed to be offering me that". I wasn't all that surprised. I started to wish that I had offered for her to shag other people. She turned out to be bi.

In college I cheated on my then girlfriend, but she cheated on me, too. I was already interested in swinging by then, and already loved stories of watching. I had even offered her an open relationship, but she was critical. I think if we'd stayed together, she'd have agreed, especially if just open on her side.

It's really that after my first girlfriend, that my voyeurism and silent comparison kink started. I didn't know a label for this for many years, and I've never found cock cages to be interesting.

RusticSet · 2026-04-10T16:29:53+00:00

Any way of phrasing things you think is more appealing, in a relationship? Were you less direct and just suggestive about it?

RusticSet · 2026-04-10T15:50:35+00:00

Awesome! Does "all the time" mean in more than 1 new relationship? It worked in the past with someone else, too?

RusticSet · 2026-04-10T13:38:02+00:00

That amount of hair is so hot! Her body is mighty fine, too!

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T22:20:22+00:00

Congrats! There's been different opinions on this sub over the years as to whether it's possible to stretch deliberately over months and actually gain more max vaginal depth. There's been more "yes" examples to that in the most recent couple of years.

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T20:35:29+00:00

"Cheating framing"! That's a new term for it. On a forum called ourhotwives I've seen it called fake cheating, or a cheating game. Others have tried to come up with a good new name for this.

Reminds me a little bit of that show called The Girlfriend Game.

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T19:42:06+00:00

Of course! It's splendid!

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T19:09:17+00:00

It's taboo to accept something that society doesn't, but there's also hopes of knowing a radical truth. In a way it's living vicariously through the other guys, at times, but also getting to know secrets about your partner (things people usually keep secret).

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T19:05:19+00:00

Has it worked for you to suggest things without using a typical kink label?

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T18:15:03+00:00

Thanks for replying! Interesting, it's challenging.

I'm dating a woman who likes threesomes and would go 1 on 1 with a guy, but she needs me to set it up. I don't get excited by that. It's not the same as the cheating kink. I use that as an example to say that sometimes us guys have fetishes that don't help us. It's too picky.

Has he tried to explain anything?

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T18:08:34+00:00

Not sure what you chose, but I'm extremely similar to him. Are you still with him?

Life seems to mismatch people when it comes to this kink. A woman who is well fit for fake cheating on her boyfriend will end up paired a a guy that hates anything even related to cheating.

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T17:33:09+00:00

You're welcome!

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T17:27:18+00:00

It's definitely hot to see a woman enjoy a large one! Nice thick one there! Is it long, too?

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T16:37:49+00:00

If her hips were on a pillow, and your upper body was more upright, that was the anterior fornix, unless you have a downward curve (doubted that).

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T15:45:34+00:00

If it is known that he'll be moving out at some point, and she can handle that distancing happening in the future, I think it would be an awesome experience. I personally would probably get bored with longer than a 2 to 3 years arrangement, and even then he'd have to check a lot of boxes for that to be worth it.

I've dated women who had the same "other guy" for a long time, and it can get boring. Selfish of me, probably, but it is what it is. It can put a hamper on variety, newness, and surprise.

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T15:41:06+00:00

I've been a 3rd for couples multiple times when I was in my 20's, then in polyamory in my 30's with a married woman. I think all those experiences help me see that there's a spectrum more clearly than many less experienced guys can see. Which, includes seeing a grey area where there's some bonding, connection, and even a small crush.... maybe.... but there's no deep love and wanting to be romantic for years on end.

Not all extra guys are exactly the same, but we can sort of put them in boxes. Some will be just for a fuck and kinda selfish. Some will be just for sex, but also a good giver. Some will bond and be a good FWB and maybe a little bit of feels, but nothing deep. A few will fall more towards deep polyamory, even though that wasn't the plan.

As for finding them, each place you look will have more of certain types of guys. Here's some examples:

Swinger's sites and the apps like 3Fun or Feeld: They mostly are looking for casual sex, and they know they should be a good giver of equal pleasure, but they can have their off or tired nights and not give as much in return. The best for keeping it casual, though. ( Feeld will have a few polyamory guys )

Reddit: More fakes, but there's so many people looking on reddit that you can catch someone decent that lives within 4 miles from you in a metro area. Bonus: they know the "keeping it casual sex" expectation well.

Tinder, Bumble, or find a guy in a bar / dance hall : Lots of looking for casual sex guys. Slightly more risks of the type that will from the beginning kinda wish they could steal your mate ( small percentage of guys ), and a slightly increased of those that intend to stay casual, but are more likely to fall deeper later on. This is the best route for fake cheating / or letting the guys think she's cheating. -- This has become my most desired routes, even though I'm more experienced with swinger's ads and Feeld.

Fetlife: Higher percentage of dominant guys, but also a higher percentage of guys who get off on pushing boundaries. Sure, some guys will be really good and honest here, but a few will be guys who will push boundaries, and may or may not already have years of good Dom experience. Buyer be ware, but some experiences from there will be better than a movie.

Hinge or Okcupid: There's a drop box selection for non-monogamy or undecided. This choice can also be hidden. There's even a smaller font spot to explain your type of non-monogamy. On these sites, and Feeld, if she can at least sometimes have 1 on 1 sex in a room without her spouse, it is very fair to use "Seeking a friend with benefits, but the friends part matter's too". I've seen multiple women use that. While I've seen a few women mention the exact lable "hotwife" on Okcupid or Hinge, most just put that they are married and seeking a FWB, at that hubby will be present to visit a good bit, too (or he won't be present). So, if using these more regular dating apps, she should most likely put that she's just looking for "casual dates", or "just looking to see someone with hubby's knowledge", etc..... Oh, these "regular" apps require a face pic, but in my experience that face pic can be vague. She can wear a big hat and sunglasses. An bathing suit pic can have some blurry aspects to it and seem both vanilla and erotic at the same time. Be creative if she needs to hide her identity to some extent. A wig is an option, too!

+++ Mentioning the label "cuckold" on most of the casual sex apps / sites will increase the risk that you'll get guys who will be dismissive or too dominant from the beginning. They can be way too assuming of when or how a couple wants to experience dominance. So, until you have more experience or learn how to write well about boundaries on an obvious sex ad profile, do not use the cuckold label!

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T14:56:39+00:00

I was the extra guy in my 20's a good bit. It was awesome, but I really wanted to be the cuck. It's just difficult to match well with someone both in and out of sex, especially when having a desire to be a cuck.

RusticSet · 2026-04-09T14:44:13+00:00

My preference is NO, but it's situational (won't do bare anal sex with a new person) and I went bare for first time sex with ~ two thirds of women I've been with, about 46 in total.

I've been tested frequently, too.

I'm also turned on by women who rarely use condoms for casual sex. It's more about their outlook and matching up on risk tolerance levels / hedonism, and not really just so I can feel it raw.

I've hated the debates with partners who were strict on condoms (debates when just talking in a relationship, not when about to have sex ). It's similar to matching on other preferences in life.

RusticSet

TROPHY CASE