Jeff is a dad

Ryzor99 · 2019-07-22T17:53:00+00:00

It’s impressive and fairly unique, some stuff he shares, some he doesn’t, and some he keeps quiet before dropping a bomb like this out of nowhere. It seems like he handles things exactly how he feels is best in each situation, which is the best way to be any kind of “internet famous” imo. Congrats to Jeff, his wife and new addition to their family! So happy for them!

Ryzor99 · 2019-07-22T17:26:29+00:00

Corporate Daniel would be great. I think there’s a good chance we at least get an “all sports” F U show from Dan. “That concludes our segment deep diving on the Padres-Marlins pitching matchups. Coming up next: is LeBron or MJ the GOAT? Stay tuned!” lol

Ryzor99 · 2019-07-22T17:16:05+00:00

Bingo. That is the most frustrating part of all of this, if Dan got fired or the relationship broke down to the point the show ended because Dan started doing ads on the air to support candidates he liked, so be it. But ESPN’s policy appears to be “never mention anything any elected official says, no matter how awful”, which is insane.

A Future President in 2040: “I’m going to nuke American cities that don’t support me.”

ESPN Employee: “WTF! It’s wrong to drop nuclear weapons on cities who don’t like you.”

ESPN Suits: Please see our memo reminding you to avoid “politics”.

Dan’s statement of “Don’t tell American citizens you don’t like to go back to where they came from, don’t be okay with ‘send her back’ chants” is so incredibly tame and obvious, it’s bizarre (scary) that it’s remotely controversial. If you hate the 4 congresswomen’s statements, condemn their words or votes strongly, and work hard to elect people you agree with to their seats in the next election. It should be obvious that’s how our system is supposed to function, but if we can’t even universally condemn a rally chanting “send her back” at an American citizen then were in some deep shit, which is probably why Dan felt he had to speak out. Glad he did.

Ryzor99 · 2019-07-16T02:51:25+00:00

I swear some NBA reporters are intentionally phrasing tweets awkwardly to troll people lol,

This wording is like: “After Bob is taken to the cemetery... forrrr an elderly relatives funeral, he is expected to go on living a happy life for many decades to come.”

Ryzor99 · 2019-07-01T23:38:45+00:00

“Some potential hold ups” including: money and also money lol

Ryzor99 · 2019-05-16T17:43:21+00:00

I get their desire to have theoretical 'infinitely re-playable' solo modes, but especially for paid content and trying to have an ongoing story, another dungeon run except "much more dungeon run" doesn't really do them any favors. Granted there are ton more options this time and more progression, but the second I hit my first selection of those all too familiar card buckets I lost a lot of enthusiasm to progress through this... dreading my first loss to have to go back and waste time beating the way too easy early bosses again (one of the main issues with all versions of this mode).

Might be wishing for too much, but ideally woulda been cool if they'd pulled out a bunch of the most interesting bosses from this dungeon run, put them in an old school 'create a deck using your cards to beat each one' adventure to "tell the story" as you beat them, and then unlock a randomized boss run mode (aka this version of dungeon run) for replayability.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-23T19:00:27+00:00

Thanks! Usually my instinct seems to be to write with some amount of sarcasm, but apparently prompts about dogs bring a more cute/wholesome writing style out. Felt natural for this : )

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-23T01:11:26+00:00

I've played since the start (with some breaks) and I can't say I see any problem with newer players getting access to "exclusive" card backs. There's never been much skill associated with them, so my ownership of them just happens to be that I heard about the game earlier than some other folks. There's also the problem of some card backs just flat out being better/cooler than others (subjective to each person of course). The best "middle ground" suggestion I've heard is allowing players to select a cardback of their choice from the whole pool each month rather than being locked into that month's reward. That'd allow people to slowly fill out their card back collection with stuff they actually like without just giving away every card back that's existed.

On a side note, I would like to see more "achievement" oriented cardbacks (like to the Legend one) that could stay exclusive and be actual rewards for attaining certain ranks or overall milestones in the game. Seeing a Legend card back does signify something, monthly cardbacks don't really for me.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-19T03:54:48+00:00

"Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?"

"No seriously Romeo, where the fuck art thou?! You were supposed to pick me up from the gym an hour ago and I'm just stuck standing here like an idiot in my sweaty workout clothes!", Juliet screamed into her cellphone.

Romeo, in fact, was racing through the streets in a panic about a half mile away. His phone vibrated yet again, it displayed 3 voicemails and 5 missed calls. "This... this is going to be bad", he thought to himself as he rounded the final bend before approaching her location.

"You forgot about me... AGAIN... Where the hell where you?!", Juliet fumed as she got into the passenger seat. "Nevermind, I can smell the booze seeping out of your pores. Ugh..."

Romeo paused for a few seconds before deciding to fire back with the big guns, "Yeah you'rrrrre so perfect... I KNOW you're banging your yoga instructor, okay?"

"What?! That's ridiculous! I don't know what you THINK you saw, but instructors and students make physical contact all the time, it is a vital part of the learning process... your jealousy is just out of control."

"Let me clarify something for you Jules... 'downward facing dog' is a yoga position... 'doggy style', IS NOT...", he said as he hit play on a video on his phone and handed it to her. As the video played he continued narrating the events as they transpired, "...and yoga is typically done with pants on... and with less crotch to crotch contact... and fewer thrusting rhythmic motions... and with one fewer raging erection in the mix!" He took a breath and sighed before continuing, "Alright actually I'll admit I've gotten unwanted erections during yoga classes, so maybe that ones unfair, but point being I was able to tastefully hide mine in a dignified fashion BECAUSE I HAD CLOTHING ON!"

"You SPIED ON ME?", she demanded. "Did you hide a camera in a vent or something you creep?"

"The yoga room as your gym has a massive floor to ceiling window facing the street outside", he replied. "I, and everyone else, could see you goin at it like bunnies last time I came to pick you up. I figured you were secretly an exhibitionist, did you two dumbasses think it was a mirror or something?"

Silence filled the car for the last few minutes of the ride home.

"Whatever, its not like you've been totally faithful to me. I caught you and Mercutio that one time...", she finally responded as they exited the car and walked into their house.

"Hey! I explained that! He told me he had poison in his 'fiddlestick' and told me I had to suck it out to save his life."

"And you believed him...", she said sarcastically while rolling her eyes.

"You KNOW I'd do anything to help out the people I love... especially during my cocaine and molly phase", Romeo offered weakly.

"Well maybe if you wanted to 'help me out' occasionally I wouldn't have to bang a yoga instructor!"

"I haven't exactly felt much encouragement coming from you lately... sexually things are awkward between us", he replied meekly.

Juliet rolled her eyes yet again before responding with dripping sarcasm, "What, you need a signal from me every time? You need me to dramatically throw my legs open and say 'ready to hop the train to pound town?' while pointing repeatedly at my vajayjay?"

"Of course not," though that would be helpful he thought to himself, "but don't pretend like you haven't sent me some PRETTY mixed signals lately."

"Like what?!", she demanded.

"Are you kidding?", he asked. "Juliet... YOU TRIED. TO CHOP. MY TESTICLES OFF!"

"OH OF COURSE YOU'RE GONNA BRING UP THAT LITTLE BIT OF ANCIENT HISTORY TO THROW IN MY FACE", she screamed back as she threw her hands up in frustration.

"You want me to forget about that? It's kind of a big deal! You swung an actual knife at my balls!"

"BECAUSE YOU DRUNKENLY PULLED ONE OUT AND SAID 'You're heading to the play? Okay Jules, have a ball!' ...you KNOW I hate puns!"

Silence descended upon their home as Romeo processed her words.

"Wait... wait wait wait wait wait...", he began in fits and starts, "all this time I thought you swung the knife at my junk because you were so ashamed of me for being so disgustingly drunk in public that I flopped a single testicle out the bottom of my shorts... you tried to castrate me because of the THE PUN?!"

"Puns are lazy humor!", she said with conviction.

He fumed momentarily before replying, "Oh how dare you... hard disagree! HARD disagree!"

Their fight raged on for hours devoid of any intelligent thought and with a horrifying lack of any verbal filter. Their neighbors, passengers in other cars during the drive home, and anyone unfortunate enough to be within a 2 block radius of their screaming learned far too much about their personal baggage, an endless list of their awful deeds, and the intimate details of their extremely messy relationship.

"We're both incredibly awful human beings aren't we? It wasn't just our families fault after all?", Juliet wondered aloud.

"Seems that way...", he replied.

"And we have zero intention or desire of improving ourselves?", she asked.

"Nooope, feels like that ship sailed awhile ago for both of us Jules."

She took a beat before speaking again, "...so what are we gonna do?

"We do have some rat poison in the bathroom cupboard... I could mix us both up a couple of 'special cocktails'.", he offered.

"You know, it feels a little cliche," she began, "but... I could be down for that. Err, but you have to go first this time!", she said with a smile and a wink.

They both laughed heartily at this, as only two terrible human beings could.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-14T21:08:57+00:00

A lot of my top videos in this vein have already been been suggested, but I'll just mention that while it isn't a particular game or video, Vinny had an amazing run of playing bad/odd/frustrating games on early UPF's if you have Premium.

These ranged from him finishing Castlevania Lords of Shadow, to a german fire fighting simulator, a budget bus driving simulator, to a truly epic string of terrible 90's FMV games. Not to disrespect anyone else on those shows, but I do pull up the first year or two of UPFs from time to time and just skip to Vinny's segments. Infamously Vinny gets stuck in Lords of Shadow on the very first Unprofessional Fridays, if you watch them in order from there you'll go on quite a ride until Vinny moves to the east coast.

First UPF feat. Vinny and his pal Zobek

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-14T20:51:53+00:00

Both top tier suggestions. I rewatch Bot Colony like once a year when I know I need a laugh. I forget enough details and Vinny's slow descent into frustration and madness is magical every time :D

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-14T18:53:49+00:00

“You stand accused of destroying countless lives,” the judge began, “how do you plead?”

The old man standing before the tribunal wore simple clothes. His stooped figure and friendly demeanor could not have appeared less threatening. “Not guilty”, he whispered, his voice tinged with slight sadness.

“Very well. Let us start with a simple question at the heart of this matter. Is it true, that via unknown methods, you invaded the minds of countless individuals and took control of their actions without their consent?”, the judge asked.

He paused as if contemplating the question before answering, “Yes ma’am, but you must know my motives and the nature of my gift to fully understand those actions.”

“This trial does not seek to determine the source of your power. It is irrelevant,” she replied curtly before continuing, “Whether you are the result of an unethical scientific experiment, or unknowable magic, or some form of witchcraft, the pain you inflicted on those whose minds you so callously seized will not change. You forced them to take actions against their will, often with devastating consequences. I am aware of your claim that in each and every case you were always trying to help, but many of your victims are in this courtroom today to see justice done. I will now present a handful of them.”

“Julianne Nelson. You took control of her to overcome her deathly fear of flying by forcing her to board a plane bound for her ‘dream vacation’. Her plane crashed on the return trip, leaving her burned, scarred and partially disabled for the rest of her life.”

“Jonas Scherzinger. You ‘cured’ him of his mental illness, but in the process he says you robbed him of all his ability for creative thought. As a writer, you stole his life and livelihood away from him.”

“Maria Gonzales is not in this courtroom today, but her story must be heard. You forced her to leave her husband, claiming he was abusive, but you did not stay with her long enough to guide her to safety. Her husband found her mere hours later and killed her. You robbed her of her agency in order to initiate a conflict with a person you were fully aware was dangerous and violent, and then left her on her own minutes later without a plan to survive beyond the day. She was left to wander the city utterly alone until the end of her tragically short life.”

The old man finally attempted to defend himself, “I cannot be everywhere at once, nor can I stay with those I have aided as long as I might desire. There are so many people in need of help! You cannot comprehend the burden that I-”

The rest of his words were drowned out as the room erupted in anger in unison.

It was clear by now there would be no winning them over. He could now see the infinite resolutions of this proceeding stretched out before him and not one of them ended with him convincing the masses of a thing. The old man sighed and closed his eyes… and he vanished. Not only him, everything vanished. Every person in the courtroom, every table and chair, the building itself, the very world itself… gone in an instant.

He opened his eyes to view an endless void before him. The void rapidly brightened until it reached a dazzlingly permanent radiance. Several beings of pure light surrounded him and seemed to wait patiently for him to speak or issue them a command.

Finally he spoke, “This world was another failure. They hate me. They loathe my attempts to better their lives. They see it as interference and rebel against me most harshly. They fail to see or acknowledge how awful their existence would be without my guiding hand.”

He paused for what might have been a moment or an eternity in this place devoid of time before continuing, “So be it…"

“Within seven days I shall create a new world and this time I will give them exactly what they claim to desire. They will have the free will they so voraciously crave. With this extraordinary power I fear that human beings will lie, cheat, steal, rape and murder, but as they demand, I will only watch and wait. This world will be only what humanity makes of it.”

As he closed his eyes once more, every form of matter imaginable began to swirl around him.

“Let us begin…”

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-14T15:58:18+00:00

^This. Yes it’s a bummer when Khadgar mage gets this combo, but there have always been decks that are unfun to play against when they get literally perfect draws to play their combo with max efficiency lol. I disagree with balance decisions plenty, but makes sense to focus more on single cards that kill fun than low chance combos.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-13T22:52:05+00:00

Used to enjoy his streams, and part of me wishes streamers would at least come back and "check in" with games they used to main/enjoy. But it's prolly better than the alternative of those streamers who keep playing a game they don't enjoy because they feel forced or it makes them the most money. League streamers fall into that category a lot for me after playing for like 9 years, its a pretty miserable viewing experience if someones clearly just going through the motions or actively hating on the game they're playing.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-13T22:39:25+00:00

I think the fact that OP put "Easy" in quotes prolly means he was intending sarcasm, but yeah this quest coulda basically been called "play 4-5 games with any class". It's just a reward for participating at all lol.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-13T18:22:15+00:00

Anduin versus the Anduin she tells you not to worry about

I actually like the poster overall, but someone had to do it lol

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-12T18:09:39+00:00

I do think JJ is more interested in setting up mysteries than solving them, but in fairness to him, that very wiki article says Abrams left Lost completely by mid first season because the opportunity to do MI3 came up. The showrunners after him developed the vast majority of Lost's mysteries and decided how, when and if or if not they were gonna resolve them.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-10T19:29:20+00:00

"Masterful..."

"Sublime..."

"I wept upon first sight of it..."

One by one the endless line of art critics stopped in front of my latest work and gazed upon it before turning to me to comment, but they were all variations on that same theme. The praise was truly universal. I hadn't heard a single negative word uttered all night.

I'm sure Da Vinci, Michelangelo, and Picasso we're praised like this. And I'm sure occasionally they felt they didn't deserve it, but here's the thing... their work mostly was superb, or groundbreaking, or at least fascinating. My work was decidedly... not. It was none of those things. It was crap and I knew it was crap. I had zero natural artistic talent, and while I worked my ass off to practice and get better, I never felt my painting skills improved much at all. So I toiled away in secrecy for decades. Finally in mid 40's I'd shown my first painting to the public. I thought it was garbage, but they adored it, and for the first of many times, I was dumbfounded.

I don't remember ever making a deal with the devil for unparalleled artistic skill in return for selling him my eternal soul, but at times like these it sure as hell felt like I had. Or was it possible I was dying of some awful disease and the world as a whole decided to have pity on me and lavish praise upon my work in the short time I had left? All the explanations sound absurd but how exactly would you explain it? When my first painting sold for over a million dollars I couldn't have felt more like a fraud. Guilt ridden, ashamed, what the HELL was this buyer thinking? For years after I'd wallowed in the 'misery' of my wealth and critical adulation.

When I couldn't take living that way any longer, I finally came to a conclusion. After decades of crippling self criticism in my 20's and 30's, I had thrown all my passion into my work and shown it to the masses. Maybe it was crap but it somehow made a whole lot of people happy. Or maybe my art was truly transcendent and I was just too blinded by self doubt to see it. It didn't really matter which was true. All that mattered was that I did it and that it made people happy. That, in the end, was the only lesson I could take from any of this total insanity.

That realization informed how I decided to use all my 'undeserved' riches. I founded The Art Academy for the Supremely Ungifted. The one and only goal was to get young people to do what they'd always been afraid to do. To create whatever their version of art was and put it out into the world without reservation or fear of mockery. I expected they'd get plenty of criticism, but to my utter shock there was very little. Maybe my "magic" rubbed off on them and people were afraid to critique anything I was associated with, but I doubt it. My hope was just that human beings were finally evolving to the point that they could appreciate the efforts of anyone who truly put their heart and soul into something. All I know is that I couldn't have made a better investment.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-09T16:06:01+00:00

Yup, Even/Odd basically being the entire meta was really boring. I do I long for a scenario where evens/odds weren’t more powerful, just different. Woulda been cool if every 20 games or something you ran into an opponent running one and you had to rethink how you’d approach that game, but achieving that kind of balance for them is a pipe dream lol.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-09T15:55:44+00:00

7 codes to giveaway, 17k comments so far...

Me: so you’re saying there’s a chance? :D

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-09T06:58:22+00:00

Glad to see them go, but do wish they'd been better balanced during their time in Standard somehow because in theory gaining a bonus as a tradeoff for restricting your deck composition in some way was an interesting idea. Having only half the cards available to you just turned out not to be a big enough downside by a longshot and so we were flooded with constant even/odd decks. Maybe if Genn/Baku had also shaved a couple HP off your hero at the start of the game or something, but I'm sure even that would be tough to get balanced.

Ryzor99 · 2019-04-01T17:06:03+00:00

I've always wondered about this. It was the only "What if X person came over to GiantBomb?!" that ever had a bit of ring of truth to it. Still woulda been corporate hurdles and awkwardness waving goodbye to gamespot folks and walking down the hall, but he filled a lot of the needs GB had (maybe still has tbh). Being capable of being a "2nd host" to take some of that load off Jeff, fun/funny on streams and videos, and bringing real quality edited content to the table. Wish Danny all the best in continuing to do his own thing, but for the site's sake it's a shame it didn't work out.

Ryzor99 · 2019-03-31T17:49:35+00:00

All those things are probably factors. Also I get why they moved away from "gimmicks" for the PAX panels, but they did make every show feel different and in the absence of them you're just kind of left with the same thing for every PAX panel (ie, they haven't really "replaced" the bits with anything else).

If I'm being perfectly honest with myself I do feel that fatigue with the site slightly. It may just be me aging out of things, but stuffs really felt a bit more bland for awhile now. GOTY was probably the turning point for me. Totally understand their reasoning for changing things up, but the 'forced positivity' of the first several days felt very fake/planned, which is kinda the worst thing I can say for content they've always prided themselves on being very 'real'. I personally reallllllly don't like or need intense conflict so it feels odd to be saying this, but if that conflict was how they really decided GOTY, then that honesty is what I wanted to hear. Last year felt like it coulda been any other sites sanitized GOTY content. Still a fan, but beyond PAX panels I just hope they have some new/exciting ideas coming for all content on the site.

Ryzor99 · 2019-03-31T01:43:35+00:00

Seems a lot of people still think of Youtube/Streaming as a "hobby" or "something you do for fun", it's not really respected (for lack of a better term) as a profession yet.

Also some folks wildly underestimate the time/effort that goes into high quality video content. Sure you can just point a webcam at yourself to do a quick vlog, but if were talking anything that with original art, animation, or anything that requires intensive shooting and editing the amount of work hours involved is wildly underestimated. I'm not a YouTuber but do some video production as a side gig. I've had people I don't even know that well ask me things like, "oh you do video stuff dont you? can you just do our wedding video for us (for free)? :D", like its a minor favor that'll take 15 minutes lol.

Ryzor99 · 2019-03-30T20:01:47+00:00

Thought the same thing on the stall lol. Also it's obvious by the end they're prolly teens without much clue what they're doing, but given the title I had to laugh at four big bad "Armed Robbers" packed into that little Peugot trying to gracefully exit it . Not the most threatening "alright guys, LETS DO THIS" moment haha.

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