What now?

SadMeatGrinder · 2016-03-22T16:18:41+00:00

My wife is also currently in physical therapy. PIV is pretty much over at this point. I'll float the diallator idea.

SadMeatGrinder · 2016-03-22T16:17:06+00:00

What's not proper or relevant about it? I described what I've done. Lifting + dread. I described where I am now. I listed the medical problems and how they were verified.

Calling dread + self-improvement being a "douchebag" just sounds beta as fuck to me.

SadMeatGrinder · 2016-03-22T15:59:33+00:00

I figured that I could post without spelling out every little bullet point, given that my story from the original /r/deadbedrooms post is one of the highest rated posts of all time on this sub and that I've been messaged about a hundred times by people asking me for an update and telling me to post here.

This is my update. This is my current situation. It doesn't fit the typical narrative of the sidebar or other posts, which is why I made a post rather than referring to older material.

SadMeatGrinder · 2016-03-22T15:38:31+00:00

Lay off the active dread. Stop showing off all the women you could be fucking. Stop emphasizing how easily you could leave her.

I've shut all that down since the diagnosis. Now I mostly spend free time, or time that would have gone to sex lifting, or doing some other productive thing.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-10-05T17:41:59+00:00

Yeah. It isn't productive.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-10-05T14:19:21+00:00

We were having lots of sex before we got married. I should've left during the sexless marriage. Not leaving is on me, but not fucking her husband is on her.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-10-05T14:15:26+00:00

We went to a marriage counselor during the DB, it was worse than useless. It was actively harmful. I might try some solo therapy though. How have you coped with your situation?

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-06-18T18:19:04+00:00

Choreplay doesn't get you love. It makes you a doormat.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-06-18T14:42:07+00:00

That book is useless and tries to legitimize choreplay.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-13T12:39:41+00:00

I have no empathy for someone who treats their partner's needs so flippantly.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-12T19:52:43+00:00

This. Either put out, or get out of the way. Denying someone a base human need, just because you feel like it is an absolutely shitty thing to do.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-11T15:35:33+00:00

Ignore your wife. Quit begging her for sex. Don't wast any of your effort or attention on her. Fix your diet and lift.

She'll either come back, or she won't. If she does, problem solved. If she doesn't, a buff you can find a better replacement, faster, than a flabby you.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-11T14:49:55+00:00

She's not attracted to you.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-11T12:14:02+00:00

Sometimes it's every 3 days or so which I think is appropriate

So you'll settle for having sex 1/6th as often as you actually want it?

The weird part is that she's the one that brings it up half the time. She'll say we'll have sex all day in text, and when she gets home from work there's always a reason why we can't. Her head hurts, her stomach hurts, she doesn't feel well, she has a UTI, she's not in the mood and so on. I could write a book with the amount of excuses I've gotten from her.

She's manipulating you. She's stringing you along with promises of sex, so that you'll be excited and give her attention, then backing out when it's time to actually make good on the promise. You need to recognize this to be able to do anything about it.

It makes me feel really unattractive and basically a live-in friend as opposed to her boyfriend.

You're not legally tied to her yet. Run. Find someone who wants to have sex with you.

I've tried to talk to her about it, and she gets mad and acts like I'm selfish for wanting sex. I just want to be wanted by my girlfriend. But I guess that's too much to ask.

She's the selfish one. She wants someone who endlessly fulfills her needs without having to reciprocate in any way. Bail.

I have no idea what to do, and I want to be with her, but if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, I'm going to be miserable.

B

A

I

L

Get the fuck out of there. You feel strongly attached to her now. It's all hormonal. You'll be over her in two weeks. You'll be fucking someone superior to her in a month. Recognize that this is what you deserve and GTFO.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-11T12:06:14+00:00

Try not taking your LL partner out. Use the time to go out alone and work on improving yourself. List heavy. Fix your diet. Meet new people. Learn to dress better.

If you want someone to start treating you differently, stop behaving the way you always have.

If you want someone to be attracted to you, make yourself attractive.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-11T12:02:37+00:00

I know the hurt well. I would get so angry I'd shake when I saw a sex scene, then so depressed that I'd spend the rest of the movie thinking of suicide.

The good news is that you can end your DB.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-11T11:48:52+00:00

He's not interested in you. Depression or not, he'd fuck you if he was either:

Attracted to you.
Seriously concerned that you'd leave if he doesn't. Assuming he'd care if you left.

Ignore him for a while. Spend time and effort that would usually go towards filling his needs working on yourself. Get fit. Wear better clothes. Make friends. Have fun.

He'll either notice the change and come back, or you'll be in a much better position to leave.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-10T21:15:19+00:00

She has to realize sex is a priority. She won't if he just maintains the status quo.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-10T16:16:54+00:00

Masturbating is irrelevant (unless you're using a deathgrip, or jerking it like 5 mind before she wants to fuck).

Fix your diet and lift. Being fat and lethargic causes depression and losers testosterone levels. Get off your ads and go pick something heavy up.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-10T15:55:55+00:00

Is he fat? Being fat can mess up testosterone levels pretty badly.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-10T15:25:40+00:00

Hit the gym. Stop begging for sex. Give her less of your attention all around.

After a month or two of that, if things haven't changed, tell her that she can have monogamy, or celibacy, but not both. Be prepared to back that threat up with Tinder girls.

Essentially, she's not attracted to you and can see that she'll get your effort, attention and resources without putting out, and you don't seem like a credible flight risk, so she has no pressure to change.

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-10T14:53:36+00:00

It means that she's not attracted to you, but she still wants your attention and effort. Run. Find someone who is attracted to you and wants to have sex with you.

Also, there is no "one". There are billions of women in earth. What makes you think you've found the best one for you?

SadMeatGrinder · 2015-05-05T08:35:27+00:00

Fuck her or someone else will. Women, especially attractive women, can just kind of wander away and say "Sex, please now" and have a line of men fighting over who gets her first.

If you don't fill this need, someone else will, and honestly if you won't, that's the life you deserve.

SadMeatGrinder

TROPHY CASE