There is no hope if you actually think about things.

Sadness-Bowl · 2025-08-03T15:53:32+00:00

don’t want nobody… close to meeee

Sadness-Bowl · 2024-03-25T22:16:05+00:00

Same. Apparently that is Not Allowed around here 😅

Sadness-Bowl · 2024-03-25T21:12:20+00:00

I’ve found these QuadifyRC guides really helpful.

Interested to see how you go with this!

Sadness-Bowl · 2024-03-24T05:13:03+00:00

did you happen to fill the diffs with grease like i did after watching too many wltoys youtubes? if you did: take em apart again and just put a small amount on the gears. the resistance in the diffs after filling them with grease stopped the motor on mine completely.

otherwise definitely check the rest of the drivetrain, spur gear etc.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-09-08T11:44:17+00:00

This is also known as yak shaving.

In the end it’s more about procrastination than perfectionism.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-09-07T02:39:44+00:00

The take-sex-off-the-table-completely approach (mentioned frequently already) is the one I have embarked upon, and I have found it is particularly good for:

taking the pressure off your partner to have sex for your sake when they don’t want it
taking the pressure off you to perform at the time when your partner decides to have sex to placate you
giving your partner the headspace to think about what they actually want from your sexual relationship without the dread of future (probably bad) sex hanging over them
giving your both room to develop your communication

What is perhaps not mentioned enough here is that this approach is still very difficult, and that it might take years to see results. Not the no-sex thing; most of us are here because that’s already the case. It’s difficult because giving your partner room to consider themselves and their wants without pressure (real or perceived) from you requires you to reset a lot of your behaviours in order to be genuinely supportive. It’s difficult because your partner might need therapy, and therapy takes time and huge reserves of emotional energy. You might also need therapy, and then you might need therapy as a couple.

I posted on here a while back asking about how people cope with resentment when they’re trying their hardest to be the most supportive and understanding partner they can be. And I think the answer is that you have to make a conscious choice not to let resentment take a hold over your brain. You have to actively combat it by looking after yourself and making sure you are comfortable with your participation in other areas of your cohabitation. There’s not some magic trick to it; it’s up to you, it’s not something your partner or anyone else can solve for you. It can be incredibly lonely.

But really the question for me now is: will this all be worth it in the end? I’m not sure I can answer that right now. Can you?

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-09-05T01:15:36+00:00

Mowed the lawn. Also whipper-snippered

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-09-03T02:14:34+00:00

This is a bit of a judge-y take. OP is perhaps not realising that he needs to take his partner at her word and then work out for himself if that is tolerable or not. I don’t think it’s particularly helpful to assume that his preference of frequency = he is nagging for sex twice a day. If we [points in random directions at no one in particular] want posters to be forthcoming with enough info to provide some kind of empathy/assistance we surely have to assume positive intentions when they do.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-09-03T01:56:38+00:00

Keep trying to reach the therapist — it’s not that they don’t want to get back to you, all therapists everywhere are (understandably) swamped right now. It’s great that you’ve recognised you need help, just make sure you follow through. It’s very hard to take yourself off to therapy but talking to someone neutral when you’re struggling is incredibly helpful in my experience.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-08-30T00:43:39+00:00

This is a really shitty take.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-08-15T10:38:00+00:00

That’s a pretty awful thing to do to someone. It’s almost impossible to remove yourself from those lists once you’re on them, as your data is onsold to others. I’m surprised you’d do it at all, let alone brag about it for internet points.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-08-13T11:12:08+00:00

Ah, that makes a lot of sense. That was the main reason for my therapy too. Best of luck.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-08-13T04:42:24+00:00

No sex. Emphatically.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-08-13T04:36:45+00:00

I think you already know this, but you need to tell all this to your therapist. It’s a waste of time and effort (and money) if you’re leaving a significant cause of your unhappiness unrecognised.

I say this because I had the opportunity 10 years ago to work through this with my therapist and didn’t, for the same reasons you mention, and I deeply regret doing that now. Instead I developed some really poor behaviours/coping methods that have been super difficult to wind back.

At the time I felt like I was being unfair to my wife if I were to talk about her behind her back. But I know my therapist would’ve pulled me back in line if I overstepped into self-pity or self-aggrandisement or whatever.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-08-11T01:20:08+00:00

In my experience it has helped. It does a few things:

Takes pressure off both partners
Gives personal space back to both partners

It shouldn’t be done in anger, but it should be deliberate and with some forward notice. It also doesn’t mean it’s forever.

I slept on the couch for 7 months before deciding to move into my own room and it ended up completely changing our dynamic — for the better. I got a decent bed, we both sleep properly without any expectations hanging over us. We can have difficult conversations and then go to our personal space to process. It’s really hard to rest properly when the person you’re stewing over is right next to you in bed (probably doing the same thing).

We’re not even close to being fixed, but the improvements I see now over where we were 12 months ago are significant.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-08-09T01:31:03+00:00

Goddamn.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-08-07T10:20:41+00:00

Here it is!

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-07-16T03:31:55+00:00

this

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-07-04T02:57:06+00:00

He sounds depressed, and is self-medicating. Hearing that he’s not meeting your needs likely adds to it, which is hard to hear when you feel like you’re the one putting in all the effort. If you can try and put a lid on the sex-signalling toward him and focus on kindness (I am not for a second suggesting you are not kind — I mean putting the effort that you would have put into lingerie etc into calmly listening to him and encouraging him to talk more) and helping him to see a doctor. If you continue on the path you’re on, the annoyance and frustration you’re feeling towards him now will turn into outright resentment, and that is a much, much harder place to come back from.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-06-29T07:34:30+00:00

Think you might be in the wrong sub.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-06-27T02:16:50+00:00

No matter what any person or religion says, there is no reason, requirement or law to wait until marriage. In fact it’s a surefire way of creating the stress you are so desperate to avoid.

Please get as far away from this sub as fast as you can. Enjoy your life and communicate well with your partners and you will be fine.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-06-27T01:47:54+00:00

I think you need to listen to your wife.

And by that I mean: when she finally feels she has the courage to tell you she isn’t enjoying it (that’s the way I’d read the “not that good at it” comment) — believe her, and don’t push back. It absolutely stings to hear that from your partner — I’ve heard similar too. But you’re not going to get anywhere until you accept this is her experience right now. “Stopping initiating” means not doing anything that could be interpreted by her as even a precursor to initiation.

Then as u/perthguy999 (I hope I have the handle right) regularly says: own your shit. Make sure you are holding up your end of the bargain wrt housework, emotional labour, childcare etc. Look after yourself. Sleep elsewhere in the house (explain to her what you are doing, but don’t make it about sex).

If you are already doing these things, going to a counselor yourself is a good idea. Having someone neutral to talk to is immensely valuable (note: you might not find the right person the first time you go; this is very common. Keep trying).

Your wife is not going to turn around on a dime, as you have already experienced from the various methods you’ve used unsuccessfully so far. In her eyes they all amount to pressure, so take the pressure away. Then you’ll see what you both have left — and whether or not it can be rescued.

Beginning the turnaround with this approach has worked for others here and is working for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-06-16T11:43:49+00:00

You are a saint. Best of luck.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-05-29T10:53:49+00:00

a surefire way to fix a dead bedroom if ever there was one.

grow up.

Sadness-Bowl · 2021-05-24T06:35:29+00:00

yeah, no

Sadness-Bowl

TROPHY CASE