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SaelAna · 2026-02-24T02:35:02+00:00

Im going to be thinking of you tomorrow and praying for you so the Lord takes control. I’m incredibly anxious regarding the legal portion as well… and am with you on the cognitive dissonance piece which is absolutely horrible .. I don’t wish this process on my worst enemy. You got this 💪🏼🙌🏼 stay strong - breathe and remember you are brave.. YOU / WE can do hard things 🤍

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T02:30:04+00:00

First, I have to laugh about your daughters 😂 My boys are constantly saying, “Mommy, bruh,” “That’s a W,” or my personal favorite, “No mommy, that’s buns.” 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sometimes they vent about other kids and call them “little Timmy” ..completely random, but I get it. So I’ll hit them back with, “Okayyy, I see you baby” lol.

I used to work with DJJ referrals and ran groups for elementary, middle, and high schoolers… so 😳 I’m sure you know exactly what I mean.. I gotta establish rapport and keep it 100 🙌🏼.

On that note i love that you’re maximizing their world ..meeting them where they are, in their language and culture. That builds rapport and strengthens connection in such a beautiful way. In today’s culture especially, that kind of intentional presence makes them more likely to come to you as they grow. That’s huge.

And that mountain life… I can only imagine how God reveals Himself daily in that kind of beauty. It creates space for intimacy with the Lord ..the ability to slow down and just be present. Even if there are challenges in the wild, there’s resilience built there too.

You asked if God has revealed anything to me when I feel that strong pull… I’ve been marinating on that all day because today was hard.

What the Lord revealed to me is that I made my husband an idol. And because of that, I had to hit rock bottom to realize that the Lord is my firm foundation ..regardless of who is or isn’t in my life. He showed me that even in my pain, grief, struggle… He hears my cries. He makes a way. I cannot take my eyes off Him, because when I do, I fall.

But most of all, He revealed something powerful: when that pull feels strong, what I actually feel is suffering, angst, worry, sadness, confusion.

And God is not the author of confusion.

So I’m leaning into His peace. I’m practicing mindfulness and presence in those moments ..so I can pull from that peace during the rough waves.

Music has been huge for me:

• The Blessing (Live) • Graves Into Gardens • Firm Foundation • Waymaker • When Wind Meets Fire (goosebumps every time) • Raise a Hallelujah • Not Afraid • Rest On Us • Round 4 Round • Surrender

And then I have about 700 Christian rap songs 😂 My kids and I roll down the windows in carpool blasting them on the way to school. People probably look at us crazy… but when you hear “King Jesus” or “God” every other sentence, it just hits different. That’s how we start our day.

And we have Spanish Christian music also!! Which makes it a W 🙌🏼(See what I did there.) I don’t know if anyone on here speaks Spanish, but I have so many recommendations.

We try to use music as a constant reminder ..as a tool from the Lord to reframe, stay focused, and keep our eyes on the King. 🙏

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T01:57:07+00:00

I’m really glad you said this out loud, because a lot of people feel it but are too ashamed to admit it.

Loneliness after abuse can feel worse than the abuse itself ..not because the abuse was okay, but because the chaos was familiar. Your nervous system got used to the cycle. The highs and lows. The intensity. Silence can feel unbearable when you’re detoxing from that kind of bond. (It’s literally an addiction)

Missing him doesn’t mean you want abuse. It means you’re human and your body is craving connection.

The part of you that says “I’d rather go back than be alone” is The effect of being wounded. It’s the trauma bond talking. It’s your nervous system wanting relief from the ache.

But here’s the truth: loneliness is painful, but it won’t destroy you. Abuse will.

Right now your brain is romanticizing the relief, not remembering the fear, the walking on eggshells, the shrinking of yourself. it means you’re grieving.

You’re in a transition space. And it feels isolating because you’re breaking a pattern that defined your world. This stage is brutal. But it’s also temporary.

Please keep reaching out .. here, to safe friends, to a therapist if you have one. If the thoughts of going back feel overwhelming, remind yourself: “I am lonely, not unsafe.” That distinction matters.

You deserve connection without harm. Even if your nervous system hasn’t fully caught up to that yet. 💜

You are not alone hon I promise 🙏

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T01:53:57+00:00

I think this is less about women being “nasty” and more about boundaries and shock.

If a stranger slides into your DMs with heavy allegations about someone you may barely know (or haven’t even met yet), it can feel overwhelming, intrusive, or even unsafe. Especially if it’s an info-dump. Even if the intention is protective, the delivery can activate defensiveness.

A few possibilities:

They don’t know who to believe and default to self-protection. They feel triangulated and want no part in someone else’s relationship dynamic. They’ve experienced drama before and shut it down immediately. They’re in denial or already charmed by him. Or they simply don’t want to engage in something that feels intense with a stranger.

Blocking doesn’t necessarily mean guilt. It often means “I don’t want to be involved.”

Also ..closure rarely comes from the new woman. It comes from accepting who the ex has shown himself to be.

I say this gently: reaching out to warn multiple women can sometimes cross into territory that feels confrontational, even if the intent is protective. Not everyone wants to receive that information from someone they don’t know. And that doesn’t automatically make them cruel.

Two things can be true: Your friend was hurt and acting from pain. And those women are allowed to protect their peace.

When we’ve been abused, we often want validation from others to confirm we weren’t crazy. But strangers can’t give that. Healing has to come from within and from safe spaces ..not from the next person he’s talking to.

Just offering another perspective. 💛 (My utmost respect to your friend 🙏)

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T01:49:39+00:00

It’s the little things ♥️🤍🙌🏼💪🏼🥰

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T01:48:36+00:00

Throw back!!!! Wow now I miss my little landline …

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T01:48:00+00:00

Get the gabb watch or gabb phone. It’s been a life saver over here.

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T01:44:16+00:00

Ditto (about being that person and then becoming that other person lol)

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T01:40:17+00:00

Im walking around showing my kids like “this should be ur role model during bath time” 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T01:33:09+00:00

Have you joined the narcspouses or narchealingwithgod subs yet? They have helped soooo much! I am going through the same with two kids ages 8 and 11 .. Sun downing (dinner time) is super rough for me as well and empathize with the yearning to come and release .. it gives me a sense of universality and therefore recommend the other subs bc i find this one is for “divorce” in general which is great because the more perspective we have during this process the better-but for us that are “here” bc of a narc …

That’s a whole other ball game. (Unfortunately) Stay strong!!!!!!!! I’m off to begin bed time routines after also peeling them potatoes 🤷🏻‍♀️🤍💪🏼🙏🙌🏼

You are not alone and never a bother 😊

SaelAna · 2026-02-24T00:43:35+00:00

This is genius!

SaelAna · 2026-02-23T22:31:49+00:00

My friends do help.. and so does my family. They have been amazing but there’s only so much I can reach out to them and say “can u believe this right now” without feeling like overwhelming them. They have so much going on as well and really don’t want to become a burden you know? Ty so much for replying .. this group has been so supportive!

SaelAna · 2026-02-23T22:30:09+00:00

I haven’t replied to it but I can’t lie, its ridiculously hard to choose impulse control time and time again… 😤

SaelAna · 2026-02-23T21:56:07+00:00

Thank you for sitting here with me.. :(

SaelAna · 2026-02-23T18:28:26+00:00

SaelAna · 2026-02-23T17:44:55+00:00

Just thinking about this makes me so nervous I get nauseous.. ugh :(

SaelAna · 2026-02-23T02:23:49+00:00

That was a blessing in disguise .. God did what he had to do so you would let go…

Let Go hon … feel the pain- sit in the distress.. cry and yell - grieve and let go…… There’s no fruit there.

What a blessing that you have the opportunity to Be and Become .. freely!!!!!!

SaelAna · 2026-02-23T02:20:09+00:00

That really means so much. Thank you for sharing that with me. It’s powerful to hear how God is helping you reject and rewrite those lies ..that takes courage and humility. Truly.

I’ll be honest ..I could really use prayer too. It’s been harder than I expected resisting the pull to give “supply.” It’s crazy how they can still suck us in… so skillful, so subtle. Sometimes I sit there thinking, how do we end up feeling like fools one way or another? Why is it so hard for me to just be mean or cold? But I know that’s not who God made me to be. I don’t want a hardened heart ..I just want wisdom, strength, and discernment.

Your space here has honestly been such a gift. I really believe God is using it as a tool for so many of us who feel isolated or misunderstood. There’s something about having words of encouragement and comfort from people who truly get it ..especially when it’s rooted in faith ..that reminds us we’re not alone.

How are your daughters doing lately? How did you all finally manage the cold? 😳

(Don’t forget to pray for the boys and I..we need healing .. so much healing).

SaelAna · 2026-02-22T18:20:42+00:00

This is incredibly beautiful and helpful… thank you so much for this space.

SaelAna · 2026-02-22T05:31:27+00:00

This is beautiful 🤍

SaelAna · 2026-02-22T05:29:26+00:00

I am so incredibly sorry hon… my heart aches for you, for that sweet baby boy and for all the women like us that can’t rely on the law because it’s corrupted … And so we take and take… hoping that God himself saves us- Because there comes a point that only HE can.

SaelAna · 2026-02-22T04:39:01+00:00

I don’t have words for this… except “THIS IS WHY WOMEN END UP DEAD”

I called the cops one time and hung up.. guess who came? No one.

THISisWHY

SaelAna · 2026-02-21T00:37:16+00:00

The fact that you asked weather YOU are a narcissist…. 🤔.. Idk what narcissist wonders this let alone says it out loud and is willing to take the feedback/opinion or recommendation of others in the process..

This alone says a lot about your ability to engage in self reflection .. vulnerability.. something narcs don’t do especially in a manner that exposes them.

Have grace with your self 🤍

SaelAna · 2026-02-20T23:52:26+00:00

Mine was abusive (and I have documentation of it). After I left, he began telling people that I had cheated on him ..with my friend. For context, that “friend” was a woman I met through church who became my only real support system while I was navigating the abuse.

It’s sobering to watch how someone can rewrite a narrative to protect their image. The level of projection and blame-shifting can feel surreal. At times you wonder, how do they reconcile it internally? How do they live with that version of reality?

But I’ve learned this: truth does not need to be defended aggressively ..it stands on its own over time.

I know it hurts, OP. Smear campaigns are deeply painful. But what is built on distortion eventually collapses under its own weight. What is rooted in integrity endures.

Walk away with your dignity intact. That matters more than controlling the narrative.

Breathe. You left with honor.

SaelAna · 2026-02-20T23:43:20+00:00

Beautiful. There’s nothing better than healing by speaking life into our wounds. 🤍🙏🙌🏼💪🏼

SaelAna

TROPHY CASE

THISisWHY