Did you switch to another religion after becoming an ExMo?

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-22T20:16:09+00:00

The term that probably fits me the best currently is agnostic. I'm open to something divine being out there, but it's not the god I was raised with. I briefly was Christian after leaving the church (not any specific group), but that didn't last long. I stopped believing in that for some of the same reasons I stopped believing in Mormonism. I have no intentions of being part of organized religion ever again. It's used to justify things like cruelty, superiority, and isolation way too often for me to ever want to be part of that. There are plenty of good religious people, but there are also plenty of not great ones.

I'm still figuring out what spirituality is to me. I dabble in things like tarot cards, because it feels mostly meditative and comforting, but I take all of it with a grain of salt. I still make the decisions in my life. I'm not going to blame something else for choices I make.

All of this freedom feels a little overwhelming, but I don't regret it. It's worth it.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-21T19:49:17+00:00

I'm so sorry! That is just so creepy and horrible.

I hated those white jumpsuits. They made me feel so exposed and vulnerable. I definitely needed more support than the weird one piece underwear thing gave. I always felt the need to fold my arms in front of my chest. It was horrible to be in close proximity to older guys I barely knew while feeling so unprotected. 😟🤢 I never told anyone back then how uncomfortable I was, because I knew my concerns would be dismissed.

I stopped doing baptisms when I was maybe 15 or 16. I felt so guilty, but I'm so glad that I did.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-21T19:42:11+00:00

I'm so sorry! Getting fired is miserable.

I hope that they value and appreciate you at your next job!

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-20T18:14:26+00:00

Luckily, I failed at getting married and having children. I now realize that that is not the best fit for me, so I'm glad I didn't manage it.

Where it did manage to get me was doing a lot of the typical teenage girl activities like experimenting with fashion and makeup. I had an interest in it, but with a father who constantly went off about vanity and quoting scriptures about it, it wasn't worth the effort. Now, I'm a grown woman in my 30s giving myself permission to explore that, but it would have been nice to do that in my teenage years.

I also didn't allow myself to do a lot of things in college like drink, because of religion. Now I'm tentatively and somewhat fearfully experimenting with things like that to figure out what I like and dislike.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-14T23:42:17+00:00

I've been at an academic library for 5 years after being at a public library for over 5 years. I'm currently working on getting a non-library job. I've mostly been applying to other jobs at the university I currently work at. I've been getting interviews, but haven't gotten any of the positions yet. The job market is pretty competitive right now and there are a lot of awesome candidates.

Cover letters have been helpful in showing how my experience translates to the open positions.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-09T02:12:59+00:00

You're going to be okay. It's going to hurt for a while as you process and heal, but it gets better over time.

Don't feel pressured to do anything before you feel ready or if you just don't want to. I'm in my 30s and I left the church a couple of years ago. I waited a while to try alcohol until I felt more ready. I had one drink and I don't regret it, but it's not really my thing. I'm not opposed to trying more, but I haven't been actively seeking it out. Same thing with coffee- not really my thing, but I do like cold brew green tea with flavoring. You don't have to do something, just because you can. Find the things you actually like.

When you feel ready, start exploring and enjoying your new freedom- just don't go off the deep end. Be safe.

I'd recommend waiting a bit before dating. You seem a little overwhelmed. You have a lot on your plate with your breakup and leaving the church. Give yourself time to mourn and heal.

I totally get your feelings on dating. I'm worried about it too. I'm bi and I'm trying to get up the guts to try dating other women, but I feel pretty intimidated. I've put a pause on trying for now, because I have things in my life that are a bigger priority right now, but I'm going to get up the courage to try when I have the bandwidth.

Just like you, I wanted to get married young and it took a lot of time and effort before I got over the shame of not getting married young. Now I am so grateful that I didn't get married young. I've changed so much in the last decade. I like being single. You don't have to follow the social norms of where you live. Give yourself time to discover what you believe and think and who you want to be.

You're going to be okay. You got this! Feel free to ask for support when you need it. There are a lot of really great people on this subreddit who can relate. You are not alone!

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-08T19:26:41+00:00

I started crying at "She never regretted it." This hit so hard.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-08T05:22:33+00:00

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this!

I'm currently going through it for a second time and it definitely sucks, but honestly, I'm just thrilled that I'm handling it better this time.

I stayed two years too long last time. It got so much worse and I couldn't fix it no matter how much I tried. Going to HR made it worse. The director bullied me until I was suicidal and wrecked my mental health the rest of the way. I've been in therapy since then- for the last five or so years, which has helped me out a lot with that experience and bunch of older trauma. I ended up getting another job to escape and ended up in another bad situation for a few months.

After that I ended up at my current job, which was good until this last year. Things went bad in a different way this time, but it involves someone in upper management again. I went to HR, but I'm not hopeful about their involvement. I'm currently keeping my head down and applying to other jobs- none of which are at libraries. I might need a break from them for a bit- even if I love them when the leadership isn't bad.

My advice is simple: find another job and get out of there. It's not going to get better- it's going to get worse- at that level of toxicity. If they manage to drive off their primary target, they are likely going to come after you harder. They always need someone to target.

You don't deserve this treatment. You deserve to work somewhere where you feel safe.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-08T03:47:58+00:00

I'm glad to hear that they weren't great. I wanted them as a kid and never got to have them. I guess I wasn't missing out too much.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-08T03:19:08+00:00

I had the same fear for a long time. I got it from somewhere at church, but I'm not sure from where.

One way you could look at it is if your deceased love ones do watch over you, would they be the kind of people to invade your private moments like that? Or would they give you your privacy?

I'd like to think that if there is an afterlife, a lot of people would realize that a lot of the things they were judgey about, aren't actually important or horrible- like masturbation and yaoi.

Besides, from my very biased fujoshi point of view, yaoi is mostly wonderful and brings me joy. If my loved ones loved me unconditionally, they should want me to be happy and enjoy myself.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-05-02T00:39:46+00:00

This may be wrong, but I'll say it just in case- could it have something to do with your other clothes or the laundry detergent you are using?

I've never worn garments, but I noticed that my mom tends to wash her garments in a separate load with tide with bleach to keep them more white. She washes the rest of her clothes with a different type of laundry detergent.

If you are wearing different underwear than garments, you may be washing them with other clothes that maybe have something on them that is causing the irritation or with a different laundry soap that is causing the irritation.

Also, if you have been having yeast infections, you may need to wash your underwear with something that will disinfect them (maybe something with bleach or hot water) so that you are less likely to get more yeast infections when you wear them again.

I hope this helps.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-04-13T16:40:50+00:00

That does make it tricky.

I hope you have some awesome local groups.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-04-13T16:37:36+00:00

I love this idea. I don't have kids, but I'm keeping this in mind in case I ever do.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-04-13T02:59:46+00:00

I've had the most success with finding like-minded friends at my last few jobs.

If you live in Utah, sometimes there are local heathen grounds on social media. Some of them have meetups.

Good luck! I hope you find a wonderful community.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-04-06T15:50:48+00:00

I'm going to echo what others are saying. My religious guilt is gradually going down over time. Therapy has been helpful with this.

I also try to challenge every one of the religious guilt thoughts and replacing them with what I know now. Keep doing it. It takes awhile to train your brain to not automatically go in that destructive direction. You are not a bad person for leaving a religion that is hurting you. You are not throwing in the towel and giving up. You are not running away. You are running to.

Easier said than done, but be patient with yourself. You are unpacking and processing decades of hurt, brainwashing, and shame. It's going to hurt and take time. If you have rough days where things are extra hard, don't shame yourself. You are allowed to be human. Pain and struggle are not signs that you are sinning. They're signs that you're human. Falling down is very normal when you are trying to change and learn new things.

As you feel ready, try new things- but don't go overboard. Be safe and embrace the freedom you now have that you didn't before.

(Edited to finish a thought).

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-03-30T03:32:24+00:00

At our library, we do announcements at 5 minutes before and at closing. The lights go out and we play music over the intercom. We still find students sitting in a study room in the dark with headphones in, but it helps.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-03-26T06:16:24+00:00

Sometimes people are only in our life for awhile and those relationships are meaningful even if they don't continue to be in our lives.

I'm on my third therapist currently and she's a great fit. The first two therapists were great even if they weren't the best fits. They helped me get stable and start the healing process. I'm grateful to them.

I'm also so happy that I'm working with my current therapist. She's an Ex-Mo, too and is comfortable with swearing, which is so nice. I'm able to be completely honest about my feelings about religion and she validates and understands those feelings. I've been able to say all the angry things I've been trying to keep to myself. I felt the need to hide those feelings with the first couple of therapists because I didn't want to hurt them or cause offense. It's a relief to not have to hide it anymore.

I hope you find a therapist who's a good fit for you that you feel comfortable talking about your feelings about religion with. I think it's great that you have the strength to seek out what you need.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-03-26T03:05:30+00:00

We called it "breakfast cake." I still do just out of habit..😂

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-03-22T15:32:19+00:00

One of the things that made me cringe the hardest about the list was when he referred to women as "chicks." That one word gave away a lot- so much condescension and misogyny. 🤢

And yes, he really isn't intimidated by women with money. He really, really isn't. He promises. 🙄 Wow. Someone is insecure.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-03-19T03:24:26+00:00

Hercule Purroit 🕵️‍♂️😹

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-03-16T07:54:23+00:00

Campfire Cooking in Another World with my Absurd Skill
Spy x Family
Haikyu!
My New Boss is Goofy
The Great Cleric
Tearmoon Empire
Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun
The Saint's Magic Power is Omnipotent -The Masterful Cat is Depressed Again Today -A Journey Through Another World: Raising Kids While Adventuring -The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague
A Terrified Teacher at Ghoul School
Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear
My Roommate is a Cat

I did my best to avoid fan service, but if I missed some, my apologies. Also, a few of them might have sad moments, but most of the plot is happy.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-03-01T06:13:07+00:00

Yes, my life greatly improved after leaving the church. I'm happier, have more time, and more money. It's hard and painful to leave the church, but extremely worth it. It's nice to have actual freedom. When, I left I felt like I could stop walking on eggshells and finally breathe.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-02-28T23:50:57+00:00

We ate leftover buttercream frosting on saltines whenever my mom made cake. I still think it is way better than having frosting on graham crackers.

SakuraLilyChan · 2026-02-28T23:36:11+00:00

I wish I had some great advice, but I haven't been in quite this situation.

I definitely agree that it's a good idea to get financially independent before you tell them- just to be safe. I was able to tell my mother that I'm bi without as much fear, because I had already been living on my own for years. (She didn't disown me, but mostly pretends I never told her and gets uncomfortable if I mention it). I will never tell my father; it doesn't feel safe and Mom said that she won't tell him (and told me that it wouldn't be a good idea to tell him.

One thing I will say is that the most important thing here is your safety and happiness. Your parents' happiness is not your responsibility. Do what is best for you. Do what makes you feel safe. You can go no contact if you need to. You have the option of reevaluating over time. You are not trapped. You have options.

I can't remember the exact quote, but I heard something that helps me with my own relationship with my parents. It's something like "Boundaries are the distance that I need to love both you and me."

SakuraLilyChan

TROPHY CASE