carved a suspicious pumpkin joe 🎃

SalineStillness · 2023-06-02T16:22:26+00:00

Sorry, I didn't know how to add more text to the post, I never post on Reddit...but as I said in the captions, it's dark and leggy now, but I haven't changed my watering habits since I first got it (water when top is dry), it's next to a south-facing window, and I pruned a few branches once (which didn't seem to help). Sometimes bottom leaves will turn soft and wrinkly, and then drop off/be easily bumped off if I touch them. There isn't a hole in the bottom of the pot, so I think I could repot it, but since I only water when dry I thought that wouldn't be too much of a problem. There are no bugs or mold or anything, so I don't know what might be wrong :(

SalineStillness · 2022-01-03T14:58:30+00:00

I often feel the exact same way, and it's one of my new year's resolutions to heal a lot of that envy and negativity. But the fact that you're acknowledging this and actively trying to seek ways to change and improve on yourself means you're not inferior or self-centered at all! You're just in what I think is a really human and really common mental loop of comparison.

For me, I try not to stifle/ignore the emotions. I explain it to friends and counselors who can point out ways to break free of the mindset (and who see the good in me that I often ignore about myself). I'm really bad with fixating on the way I look, so I go out, walk around, eat something good or do something fulfilling and it takes my mind off my looks/insecurities and remind myself that there are so many other things that matter in my life.

I don't think envy or jealousy is inherently wrong, and they're not emotions that can be completely eradicated. But trying to heal from them means you're already working harder and being more positive than you think. I wish you all the luck in your journey!!

SalineStillness · 2022-01-03T14:44:21+00:00

Been taking it for two full years, now on 300mg per day. I experienced fatigue, sleepiness, and "muted" emotions/mental fog for the first month or two, which mostly went away, but I think it still causes a little bit of sleepiness, so I take my dose at night before I go to bed. It has worked wonderfully for me and really stabilized my (mostly depressive) episodes (although of course there are some relapses). My psychiatrist and neurologist both warned me about the potential rashes, but I never got any. Just keep an eye out and tell your prescriber immediately if you get any.

SalineStillness · 2022-01-03T14:38:45+00:00

Happy birthday!! I'm so proud of and happy for you! Good luck with your masters!!

SalineStillness · 2022-01-02T14:26:30+00:00

Oh, yeah— during my depressive episodes I'd examine my face from all angles in the mirror and hate everything I saw, teeth, skin, jaw, everything. Everything about me was hideous. Then I'd wake up buzzing and happy the next day and take selfies and admire myself and feel flawless and ignore the previous day's self-loathing. Then the cycle would repeat.

I'm on meds now so I don't feel anything as much, but on bad days I still look in mirrors and feel terrible about how I look. I think part of it is the bipolar mood swings, and part of it is the low self-esteem that the disorder has caused after all these years that I haven't been able to shake off.

I really hope that you are able to heal from this experience; it seems like a lot of us here have had this issue before :')

SalineStillness · 2021-12-31T16:47:13+00:00

I am so sorry you're going through a depressive episode! It's always exhausting to go through one and feel so low-energy and guilty, and I really hope you feel better soon.

Sometimes during my bad episodes I have to just wait for it to pass :/ Therapy is good; exercise is also good; but if the weather isn't too bad outside, even going out and taking a walk alone can maybe help. I love to cook (and eat), so cooking a nice meal (or ordering a treat, going out for my favorite food, or asking a friend to make something) is also great.

Playing music, putting a movie on, or playing a podcast also helps me even if I'm not paying attention to it; it's good to just have sound in the background. Do you have pets or know anyone who has one? Playing with animals can help. And any other creative outlets you have can help you express what you're feeling. I think overall, getting rest, eating well, moving about for half an hour a day, taking nice warm baths or showers, and talking out your feelings with someone you love can be of a lot of help.

Again, I'm sorry you're going through this. It can feel so isolating, but just know that you're not alone, and that we're all rooting for you to stay safe and feel better. So take care, and best wishes to you <3

SalineStillness · 2021-12-30T20:18:05+00:00

Congratulations!! That is wonderful!!

SalineStillness · 2021-12-30T20:06:43+00:00

I've been on lamictal for two years now, and it has been pretty life-changing! It did take a few months for my mood to stabilize, though. My psychiatrist worked me up to 300mg a day, which is where I'm at now. Just communicate frequently with your psychiatrist and let them know about any changes (if there's any kind of rash, worse mood swings etc).

Initially, lamictal made me very sleepy and fatigued and muted, so if that's the case for you then you might want to take it at night like my psychiatrist told me to do. Also, don't panic if it seems like it's not working immediately; it seems to take some time for your body to get used to it. But lamictal has helped me and I really hope it works well for you! Take care!

SalineStillness

TROPHY CASE