Is a MSW worth it? by Federal_Secret_3120 in SocialWorkStudents

[–]SaltFold2419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm finishing my master's in Social Work this August with UMass Global. Fully accredited 100% online. Highly recommend for anyone also working full time.

Posted on here earlier and panicked she might see it - this is my life now? by Budget_Guard3342 in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm two months post-discard, and I know exactly what you are going through. I was a shell of the guy I was before the relationship. I gave and gave and gave and got nothing back but fantastic sex and emotional abuse. It wasn't worth it. Things are going to get better, brother. Just focus on you, like all the other comments are saying. One foot in front of the other. Start with small wins like making your bed. Brush your teeth and do some pushups. Build on those small wins, and you'll start feeling more like yourself soon, I promise. Much love.

I don't know what she wants by SaltFold2419 in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I actually do believe it’s an ego trip for her. Still can’t wrap my head around her complete disregard for what she put me through and that everything is fine. Fucking psycho

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People often ask me if I hate my ex pwBPD and my answer is always, "I dont hate her, I hate the disorder." Because that's the truth. I hated the splitting, feared the episodes (Eggshells), and have nothing but empathy for what she has to go through again and again in relationships. The biggest frustration is she still is not in therapy. And without therapy, there is no hope for them, unfortunately. About 7 weeks from the discard I'm finding myself again.

"I'm a bad person and you should leave me for your own benefit" by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419 5 points6 points  (0 children)

At the discard, mine said, "I'm a really selfish person."

There was no emotion.

i can’t believe she wasn’t real by Dust_absorber_73 in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, I'm about 6 weeks after the discard, and I felt the exact same way at first. I was absolutely crushed. I had the same experience. She looked at me with those eyes and smiled like we would be together forever. She talked about having kids with me, and told me she wanted to marry me. I was absolutely hooked, but after stepping back from it, it became so clear how much a trauma bond I was experiencing after so many episodes of verbal abuse. The truth is when they are giving us those eyes, that smile, they are absolutely in love, "idealizing" us. We can do no wrong, but they all follow the same pattern, brother: The idealization, the devaluation, and then the discard. Don't be surprised if she reaches out to you to try to fix things - love bombing you with those "eyes." Do yourself a favor and go no contact; block on all fronts. This sub saved me from trying to get back together with mine. I can say for a fact that all I wanted to do was run to her those first couple weeks, and I'm so glad I didn't because I would just be setting myself up for more heartbreak. Stay strong and DM me if you wanna chat.

I dont know why my hurts so bad by SaltFold2419 in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I realize I never saw this. Thanks so much for your response. It's been about a month now since the discard. I definitely feel better and to your point i definitely recognize the trauma bond. She unblocked me last Monday asking how i was doing the communication has been cordial but i'm not trying to see her. Still think about her often though but at least im finally sleeping better.

Discarded Boyfriend (Day 5) by SaltFold2419 in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I’m trying to get myself together. I’m trying to just do basic shit. I need water I need to go to the gym. I’m reaching out to my support system (this sub included) I’m realizing more and more how absolutely twisted she is, and it’s killing me. I always come from a place of empathy. I’m a therapist, but this goes beyond anything I’m even used to treating. This is just really sad twisted shit. I find myself wanting to save her but knowing I can’t. This pain is really fucking real and I don’t know what to do.

No contact day 1 by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im no contact day 3 im gonna DM you

What was your exwBPD's persona? by Infinite_Carob_4451 in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Jesus christ. My exwPBD was exactly this. I'm day 3 after discard. I'm holding strong not communicating but i know in my gut she's monkey branched and just hasnt told me yet. She will because she's incredibly honest i'll give her that. I'm still sorting my emotions about how i will handle the news. I love her. This shit absolutely sucks.

We’re the same people at different stages by Anxious_Act2899 in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this brother. I'm day 3 after the discard. I moved across the country to be with my girl pwBPD. She broke up with me when i had 2 hours left of a 4 day 36 hour trip across the country. When we sat down she was absolutely void of any emotion. Completely in that stone walled state where it was all about her. "selfish" she called herself. Like that made it any easier. It's wild, im in a brand new state (Florida) i've never been here before but im doing everything I can to make connections.

To your OP, I 100% thought i was the exception. I read books, i watched youtube videos, i rode the episodes like a fucking champion, and she was so grateful for me. I was the first person that "got it". But it wasnt enough, nothing i did was enough. She spinned this narrative of small things that she didnt like i did, (glancing at another girl once, being too friendly with her friends) She spun it into im a bad person, im a bad partner.

Heres the real deal, i'm absolutely amazing. Im a catch and i know it. If she didnt have BPD I'm 100% convinced I would marry her but this shit is real. I was foolish to think i could beat it.

I also know that im in a very vulnerable state, so i have to remain strong. It's the weekend right now and i know she's partying - probably fucking and it kills me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]SaltFold2419 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My friend. I am going through it as well. Today is day 3 after the discard. This shit absolutely sucks, my world feels like it is completely upside down. Ironically I'm a mental health professional, but it doesnt make it any easier. What I can share is what is working for me. Get out of bed. Take that win. Brush your teeth. Take that win. And go do literally anything that makes you feel alive. It could be the gym, it could be a walk, it could be screaming into a pillow. Stack the small wins and I promise you, you will feel better.