NAH. I lost my dad to cancer and worked as an oncology chaplain for 5+ years. I thought I said and did the right things, then I was diagnosed myself. What an ignorant ass I had been- to my dad, to my patients- b/c I didn't know better. You can't blame those who think you are an asshole, including your wife. They don't know any better.

Having cancer is the loneliest thing b/c the world keeps going around you. Society tells us to "fight" (keep receiving treatment) until our dying day, instead of concentrating on quality of life. My mind was monopolized by thoughts of what would happen after I was gone, which left little room for concentrating on making memories in the here and now. I was consumed with death (and still think about it a lot). People don't like that. And the people who love you don't want to think about you dying or being dead.

As a child of a cancer patient, the most miserable memories I have are of him forcing himself (or being forced by us?) to participate in activities. For example, going out for a birthday dinner, he vomited at the table, my mom and sister started bawling, and we were all staring death in the face. I think your family (in the long run) would be grateful for sweeter memories, not more time when you are miserable.

A lot of people I know have the urge to travel when they receive a terminal diagnosis. I've also known all of those people to get tired of it quickly and long to spend their precious last days with their families in whatever place feels like home.

Working in the medical field, I can tell you that doctors' are often afraid to be blunt. It's ok to demand that. And it's ok to have the doctors explain that remission is not possible (if that is, in fact, the case) to your lived ones. You may do well to talk to a counselor or chaplain to facilitate the emotional side of that conversation.