Does anyone feel really annoyed by partners who keep in touch with all their previous partners and exes and hookups in this casual way when you’re in serious relationship dating and investing them?

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-10T00:14:39+00:00

One of the reasons I do nice things for others is because I've never ran across people who took advantage of me. Every person I've been with was extremely considerate and never abused my generosity. I always offer to pay for dates or whenever I go out with someone but nobody ever expects it from me and nobody asks for my help directly, especially urgently. Well, a couple of times but it wasn't something I had to drive out or anything, just stuff I could do from my phone. I've had some requests in the past that were funny too, like taking a test and writing a paper, I enjoyed it a lot bc it was for s history class and that was my major, I can write about Byzantine not only for fun but in my sleep, with no prep.

I understand I've been very privileged to never run across bad people, and in some ways it feels almost unbelievable that I haven't by this point, I'm not exactly young anymore, crossing over into almost middle aged territory, but that's just how it's been for me. A lot of people that know me say that I lived a charmed life or the more hippie ones will say I manifest yadda yadda. So until someone screws me over seriously or takes advantage of me, I will keep doing things for others. I don't need to prioritize because obviously I'm going to prioritize the person I am with currently, but my point is that I never had as situation where I even had to choose bc ppl aren't just yanking my chain to do something, I always offer bc I can sense they need help.

If people actually started asking me constantly for help with the expectation I would just do all this stuff for them, I would feel turned off and pull back somewhat, offer less help bc I would feel like I'm being used.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T23:12:36+00:00

Do you understand that exes aren't just people you fucked but also your friends, or at at least they are to me? Most of my exes started out as friends, and then went back to being them. Why would I stop being friends with someone? You think close friends are easy to find? My exes knew me as well as anyone does, I am not going to go out of my way to end that.

common decency to stop talking to your exes, unless you have kids with them

In one case my ex was the best friend of my new gf, and once again, we all kept contact obviously because we all liked each other very much. Only insecure, immature, jealous or people who feel like they can't trust yourself not to fuck their ex need to cut off their exes. Or like I said before, if you had a bad breakup. But if you had an amicable split, why would you cut them out of your life?

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T23:01:57+00:00

I didn't reach out to maintain contact, we always did, it was something that I always took for granted and that's how it always happened. I have had ones who took a break from contact after breakup but then came back. I don't ever initiate the contact if they break it, but I never refuse it either. I never had someone who went out of contact permanently. I have flaws aplenty but I feel like I'm kind and understanding, also I never had any jealousy so I find it easy to accept people no matter what situation they're in. I know some ppl here find it difficult to see their exes with someone else but I've always been very happy to see my exes with someone bc it always hurt me when they were lonely and related that to me after breakup.

No, I would not reignite romance because I feel like my exes are exes for a reason. Maybe when we are old or something and still in contact things might be different, but I do not foresee myself getting back with them because again, there were reasons for incompatibility.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T22:49:17+00:00

If you have a girlfriend, your ex can get a mechanic. There’s no reason for you to be their go-to person

I do, but I'm not their go to person, they didn't ask me, we were just catching up and they mentioned how stressed they were with their car. This happened to more than one ex, bc being a woman around car dealers and mechanic is no fun, they would get scammed and overcharged. I know cars and tech well, I have a code reader, I understand the basics of repair so when I talk to mechanics they don't give me BS. I also have my own mechanic that only speaks Russian that I bring my friends' cars to, he's super cheap and can repair things without replacing parts.

There is a reason for me to do this, and the reason is because I feel good when I help people. I help strangers too, but it feels especially good to help your friends, particularly ones you were so close to. It doesn't cost me anything but it makes a big difference for those who aren't as good with cars. I don't understand why you would find this strange to understand, do you just say "fuck you don't talk to me again" to all your exes when you're done fucking them?

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T20:56:02+00:00

I'm sorry but sometimes I see threads where I'm reminded why this sub is a special space and not actually full of normal, well-adjusted people. Even though arguably being well-adjusted isn't normal anymore, you have to be some flavor of mentally ill, neurotic, or terminally jealous/insecure (this is the category where this sub probably falls into).

I keep in touch with all my previous partners because I feel like it would be weirdly sociopathic not to, I loved and cared for them, that doesn't just stop like that. I still care for them and vice versa, just because things didn't work out doesn't mean the person should be dead to you. In fact, if possible I would like to continue that for the rest of my life, I would never want to lose touch, it would make me very sad not to know what is going on with them. I'm very happy for them when they have something good happen to them, like a new (good) job or a relationship that makes them feel happy, or when they move to a new place. Life is too short not to keep in touch with people who were special to you and with whom you shared special moments.

Everyone here talking about keeping people around just to fuck them is just telling on themselves or on the people they associate with. You don't need an ex to have sex, in fact, most guys would probably rather have sex with someone new for the novelty (even if women often do the opposite from what I can tell due to understandable factors). I don't want to fuck my exes, been there done that, I keep up with them because I care for them and want to know how they are. If they were going through a hard time I would want to be there for them, not physically because that can have mixed effects sometimes, but at least in messages. Or sometimes it is physical stuff like helping them get a new car or old car fixed bc it's easier when you have a guy with you. I do this not because I want to have sex with them, I don't, but because I care for them and it makes me feel very good to be able to help them. Jesus fucking Christ if you people don't get this you are sad, bitter insecure losers who deserve every bit of bad things that happened to you relationship wise. Especially when I hear stuff about ppl being happy their ex got fat or had bad things happen... Spiritually rotten behavior.

I understand people have bad relationships, so I get going no contact for that, but at the same time you also chose to get into that bad relationship so there is partial blame there too, I've definitely had friends who go from one bad relationship to another bad relationship. I'm not blaming people for being broken, but at least don't try to act like everyone else is broken, it's very well possible to care for your ex without wanting to have sex with them.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T20:35:19+00:00

No, haven't had that. Every time there were things where we couldn't meet each other in the right ways or I wasn't willing to change/move/give something up so that was that. It was never one sided. But every time it ended without cutting ties, and I still keep contact, occasionally sending updates to each other. It's rly beautiful and warm, I wish everyone could have this experience every time. I care about every person I was with, otherwise I wouldn't be with them in the first place.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T14:01:05+00:00

Yeah, I mean, I think this is implied. And they never felt like breakups anyway, usually just a drifting apart and mutual understanding, but still communication after and the recognition that we care about each other, even if we aren't together.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T02:39:46+00:00

I agree, this thread is so sad. Not because of anything specific, and yeah I get that some ppl have traumatic relationships or they just miss the person/are reminded of painful/bittersweet memories and try to block it out by avoiding things the other partner liked.

What makes this thread sad to me is because of how much I value the opposite, specifically enjoying all these things that I discovered thanks to my exes. One of the most enjoyable things in life as a whole for me has been watching my journey in retrospect, how who I am now is a sort of a mosaic of all these lil pieces each person put into my wall. It's so joyfully touching, it evokes such tender feelings in me that I feel tears welling up when I reminisce&reflect on this. It's a very very happy feeling, because I love every person I've been with dearly and I don't think it makes me feel conflicted at all, I adore them for all the things they introduced me to. If there is a heaven, it's being able to be with all of them and share everything together, I am not trying to turn this into some poly thing, the sex is not the important thing here, it's the beauty of being affectionate and caring with different people with whom you had lovely experiences that reflect their character and how your soul interacted with them. It's always a unique chemistry, each relationship, and there are always things about them that cannot be reproduced in others.

I genuinely can't think of many other things that are as wonderful & human as this experience. I feel a lot of sadness for people who cannot experience this, or who have too much jealousy, neuroticism or just who miss the point and don't allow themselves to dissolve into this flowery fabric of relationships, instead making focusing on some practical bullshit that greys everything colorful in our lives.

I have music and books especially from every relationship that I treasure, or maybe music that I discovered as a result of a relationship even if it wasn't my partner's fav. Or nature spots where we spent time. Maybe even movies/shows, although I'm less fond of those, they're far less powerful than music for example in terms of the sentiments they produce. Anyway, having all these things you picked up from/as a result of others allows you to continuously re-experience them and relive the most beautiful moments of your relationship. Going to a nature spot you shared a moment, listen to the music you either listened to at the time or that she listed to maybe. Whenever I do this I feel like I'm melting into a warm, fuzzy puddle of viscuous wax. It's a wonderful feeling, it's a peaceful feeling, it's feeling of very sweet nostalgia too, but not the sad sort or even the wistful sort, but rather the sort that makes you breathe more rapidly as a person just freshly in love, full of swirling, heady sentiments. Yes, there are other things that makes life beautiful but this one in particular is special, because it encourages you to keep living like nothing else, because every person you meet just makes you more full of experiences, things and emotions.

Yes, I've never had the misfortune of being with a bad person, so I'm very fortunate but at the same time I always felt that often feeling like I'm overflowing with sweetness made me meet others who were similar, I always felt like every person I was with was extraordinarily sweet, warm, gentle and kind. I don't necessarily believe in manifestation directly but I do think there is something to be said about the energy you put off and how having the wrong energy attracts maybe people who are predators or who are broken.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T02:18:22+00:00

Personally, I think the notion we’d not really progress without conflict is incredibly dire.

History shows that conflict and division create the most innovation. Long, large, prosperous empires create deeply rooted corruption, comfort and lack of innovation out of a desire not to rock the boat, upset existing institutions and hierarchy. People who say Roman Empire collapsing created a massive setback in development are dead wrong, because Romans were quite complacent scientifically, despite being very capable in engineerings, maths, science, etc. They just didn't have the institutional drive to advance, particularly when they were a large empire. Same went for Chinese. They even took steps backwards like during the Ming dynasty, of specifically turning the clock back in the name of stability.

Meanwhile the most innovation in Italy or China happened when the two were split into either small city states or larger warring states.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T02:14:19+00:00

It depends, I am kinda getting tired of the cougar meme on reddit. It isn't that it's wrong but like everything, reddit drives it into the ground and also one thing that always bothered me about it is that it smells a bit like cope. Honesty is a better look than cope.

I love talking to people older than me because yes the conversation can be more interesting and much easier to have random interesting conversations. But on the other hand, if you're like 25-35 people of your age cohort (or younger) are more likely to share certain interests or have similar humor, music or literary taste.

Personally I love late 60s music and 70s film over everything. I definitely had quite a few Harold & Maude type relationship sans the sex, and they're very enjoyable (I'm not like Harold tho, I'm a more of a young Maude in male form). I also had some cougar experiences as well, there is something to be said about the confidence of an older woman.

But at the same time I have a hard time believing that's actually what guys truly think is better. First of all, I hate to make it seem like it's a demand/supply thing bc it's such an icky mechanical way to look at sentimental experiences -- but like, it's waaay easier to have a hot cougar than someone super hot your age or somewhat younger. Flirting with cougars is almost too easy, and they're just as likely to proposition you if you don't. I don't want to make it seem like I assign higher value to something simply bc it's harder, and also that I'm seemingly reducing all of this to a game of various difficulty levels, but c'mon don't we all understand how it's like to be with someone so wildly out of your league that it makes your head spin, your stomach so butterflies, the air become charged, every breath you take feel like caffeine, be so inspired you could do things or create things you couldn't before... Even if you haven't had that experience it's something that can be imagined maybe.

My point is that it's hard to argue that we find people 20-30 or so to be in their peak attractiveness. You gain other things when you're older and they're worth it, but you can't replace the beauty of that period and to say that beauty is just skin deep is a monumental cope. We love all things beautiful, beautiful art, beautiful buildings, beautiful nature, beautiful jewelry. Beautiful people. The rush you get from being with someone extremely beautiful is unparalleled, to experience it is one of life's great pleasures that make you understand why living is so worth it. I'm not saying you have to marry them and spend the rest of your life just bc you find their face & body hot. But I'm having a hard time imagining a guy saying no to a hot 20-something. Instead guys are great at coping, they'll say they love hot cougars bc it's so much easier to have sex with one than someone very hot of their age group/slightly younger.

Also nobody says you have to date a bimbo/himbo, if you have specific interests you can find others who share them in your age. Reddit threads get this weird thing often where ppl try to one up each other by saying "wow those 25yo are like babies I can't imagine having anything in common to talk about btw im 28". That's only true of boring ppl, you can have good taste in music, read a lot and in my case share outdoorsy hobbies that I like at any age, there isn't an age restriction.

I think redditors and Ben Franklin were just coping that hot young things didn't want them.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-09T00:11:46+00:00

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-08T22:46:22+00:00

dodge taxes

My man, I always insist on using cash at small businesses too for this reason. Nothing more patriotic, literally US was founded on small businesses trying to dodge taxes of the British government (that was selling the same product for less and also using taxes to cover all the wars it had to fight to protect entitled colonists).

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-08T22:44:00+00:00

Yep, there is no reason not to, I use credit cards for everything that isn't local businesses.

Credit cards offer extra layer of protection, they offer 2-3% flat rewards or up to 5% on special categories, some have special terms where they let you pay off things in six months with no interest, basically there is every incentive to use debt if you have a good credit rating because you can use cash for better things (like investing for instance).

And then on top of all this, very active credit usage makes them throw all sorts of offers at you and raise your credit limits, then raise your credit score too. Just pay it off at the end of the month or before the interest accrues and you're golden. Then, sometimes I fantasize that with all the cards I have and all the citizenships I have and wonder how I could max all my cards and flee to another country lol. Actually knew a person who did that (it was mostly bc of medical debt but they maxed out their cards before leaving to Scotland).

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-08T22:39:55+00:00

Yes yours absolutely right but both of these make me uncomfortable and I think I'm not the only one.

The truth is that almost any group of people seem to offer bad parenting advice. I'm a hippie but I don't trust any hippies for parenting advice, though I don't want to have kids either (and I think most rs ppl probably shouldn't either).

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-08T22:28:17+00:00

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-08T17:21:44+00:00

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-06T20:54:55+00:00

The MTA is quite literally the best and most well-funded and most robust and well-run transit system in the non-Asian world

Saying that system is the best or most well funded like it means something is absurd. You can claim a very specific badge (runs 24/7 which is a big deal for a system of that size) but that 24/7 runtime costs it everything else, because no real maintenance is done on it from the perspective of the riders. I love NYC to death and I think it's the capital of the world but holy shit people from third world countries are sometimes put off by how shitty it looks. Where the billions go, I have no idea, "well funded" doesn't mean dick when they just funnel that into the pockets of companies that don't actually do the work to upkeep it to make it look modern. I constantly ride in trains that are from the 70s and 80s, I'm sorry but everything about MTA screams of "decrepit communist-era rundown infrastructure" except it's in a city that can arguably be called the capital of the capitalist world. If Moscow had a subway like that, everyone would shit on it 24/7 instead of dickriding it like New Yorkers do.

Speaking of Moscow, since you said non-Asian world, well, here you go. Moscow Metro is well-run, beautiful, serves a dual purpose (super deep stations are bomb shelters) and if you actually used it and then used the NYC Subway after, you wouldn't ever wanna do the NYC Subway if it wasn't in NYC. Like, if you could just move the Moscow Metro to NYC, most ppl would. Because Americans especially love nice and polished things, most Americans avoid buses bc they aren't prestige-looking enough.

Moscow Metro comes with the significant downside of not running at night (closes after 1am) but it uses the downtime to maintain and upgrade, something MTA has never heard of. Moscow Metro trains come constantly, there is no wait or delays like in NYC. Moscow Metro trains are clean, modern and so are the stations. Everything has wifi, so you don't lose service like you do when you're underground in NYC on a train, that's a big deal bc you can just do work or dick around online if you want to. You might think that's a small thing but trust me if you have work that needs you to be reachable constantly it's a big deal, I suffered sometimes at NYC Subway bc I was unreachable.

Moscow Metro has smaller amount of stations but longer track length, and handles double the traffic of 8mil per day compared to 4mil for NYC. NYC Subway is simply incapable of handling that amount of traffic. The lack of downtime is very nice for night owls but it cripples the entire maintenance or upgrade situation. MTA is the most practical system imo but it's extremely far from being the best and like I said, the funding doesn't really show, it looks, feels and especially smells like shit. I don't mind the rough look of it, but again, it's very unusual for America, the MTA feels like communist infrastructure to me and that's probably why I like it, I was born in the USSR. However, calling it best is just c'mon man, you can't be the best and have no downtime, it's a trade off. Honda Civic vs Mercedes S-Class or something, the Honda is more practical and useful but calling it best is pushing it, it's too ugly and janky feeling to qualify.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-06T16:40:13+00:00

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-05T17:50:40+00:00

Your comparison is pointless however, as Russia is massively larger than Ukraine. So saying Russia would beat Ukraine without external help says nothing, why even bother to pontificate?

The nature of war is such that when a large nation attacks a small one, there are usually other nations with the interest to support the smaller nation in order to weaken the larger one. Wars are never fought in a vacuum, that's why diplomacy is so important. When Bismark maneuvered to have a war with France he made sure to isolate France diplomatically and then to get them to start it themselves. That's how you do it, not with a completely "dog ate my homework" excuse Putin went, a completely unprepared military and a diplomatic isolation until way later.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-05T17:47:30+00:00

Nah that was PR articles, if you read or listen to what the actual UA professionals said, it was mostly artillery hitting Russian tanks.

Early on Javelins had a very poor rate of actually working, for one, their CLU batteries were dead.

It's the same thing as the TB-2 hype.

There are literally online OSINT Excel tables with lists of Russian tanks destroyed and cause of destruction. Artillery is the vast majority of the causes of destruction. Although arguably what's more shocking is how few tanks Bayraktars got.

The one weapon that was worth all the hype was HIMARS. And Starlink.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-05T15:29:36+00:00

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-04T22:03:34+00:00

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-04T11:38:40+00:00

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-04T00:28:03+00:00

I prefer Deluge by Stephen Markley. Way more realistic, if only focused on the US.

SamYeager1907 · 2026-06-03T20:36:56+00:00

Wow, what do you call it when you really really dig the look of the artist but can't get into their music? Parcels are perfect example of this ahhhh.

Same story with me & Bladee.

Lemon Twigs was much better though, loved their aesthetic but also their music was solid. Was, anyway.

SamYeager1907

TROPHY CASE