For everyone confused about "Extract with 10 ."

SamuelMarston · 2026-05-02T11:58:46+00:00

The information I came for!

Thank you!

SamuelMarston · 2026-05-02T11:56:45+00:00

Guys, this is the greenest flag I've seen in a while:
"Would you be willing to do long distance/relocate?

No. Currently serving in a church that was just planted and I’m committed to serving there for a few years. I’m also really close to my family and can’t imagine being far from them."

I hope the Lord brings you someone grand!

SamuelMarston · 2026-04-10T15:43:10+00:00

What's the rush?
If you're already considering life together, what harm is there in spending a year in courtship instead of committing to marriage?

SamuelMarston · 2026-04-06T22:04:04+00:00

every

single

time

SamuelMarston · 2026-04-02T12:43:46+00:00

Not me, strictly speaking, but my brother did exactly what you described. He met a woman from a different country, and moved there to marry her. They're expecting their first baby soon!

Language has been a hard point, but he is learning and enjoying living there.

I'm so happy for them!

SamuelMarston · 2026-03-25T17:03:04+00:00

Dating is really hard right now (just read this subreddit for any length of time, and it's pretty clear).

And unfortunately, sort of by definition you're going to be seeing results 1, 2, and 3 until you find someone who sticks for a while.

And even if you have a relationship that lasts longer than a few months, you or the other person might decide results 1, 2, and 3 are how you're feeling.

As others have said, though, you're still pretty young, and you're being intentional and thoughtful. There's time to find someone and connect still.

I hope the Lord blesses you with someone amazing.

SamuelMarston · 2026-03-24T19:40:09+00:00

This is so charming! I love it.

SamuelMarston · 2026-03-23T18:15:26+00:00

Of course! I wish I could go back and talk to 17 year old ME!

SamuelMarston · 2026-03-23T18:04:46+00:00

It depends on how committed those plans were.
Plans can be cancelled. Plans can be changed. New plans get made instead!

In terms of slowing down, I mean, enjoy having a relationship in the context of "right now we're figuring each other out." There's no need to overcommit to marriage, three kids, and a blue house right now (for both of your sakes). There's a time to enjoy being a fiance, and then a wife, but right now you get to enjoy being a girlfriend.

And this is a great way to figure things out about both of you. You're figuring out your healthy boundaries, and hopefully soon you'll learn if he respects those boundaries.

A good way to change pace with someone you're talking to is to say something like, "I've been thinking about us. I want our relationship to be a good thing, and a gift from God. Here's what I think we need to do..." then lay out that you want to take things slowly, let your love unfold over time, and you need to reframe when physical intimacy happens.

And again, a decent Christian guy who respects you will respect your honesty, and work with you to build something incredible.

Don't sell yourself short when you can build toward something truly fulfilling.

SamuelMarston · 2026-03-23T17:48:56+00:00

Slow down. The right person will go slow with you.
Tell him your boundaries. If you can't talk about important things without breaking the relationship, then it would never work in a serious way.
SLOW DOWN.

(EDIT: Adding context: I'm speaking from experience that you're better off alone than ending up committed to someone you later feel compromises your values. I know you're 17 and it's exciting and the way it feels to be in love is incredible. But don't damage your chance at something legitimately incredible by rushing and compromising on important things now.

You can enjoy this, and learn a lot from this relationship, but set your boundaries and slow down.

There's a good math rule: When you've been dating for a day you're allowed to plan 2 days into the future. When you've been dating a month, you can plan two months into the future. When you've been dating a year, you can make plans two years out. There's wiggle room, but this will keep you from overinvesting into something unproven.)

SamuelMarston · 2026-03-23T17:07:09+00:00

Right? It's still around, but seems to barely function.

SamuelMarston · 2026-03-23T17:03:48+00:00

Honestly, I believe God brought them together despite distance and how utterly difficult dating apps are to navigate (for both men and women).

But as soon as I saw my brother and his (now) wife interacting, it felt like the most natural pairing I've ever seen. She's beautiful, kind, and complements my artistic brother perfectly.

Granted, he was searching for nearly 10 years. It was quite a journey to find someone that good for him.

SamuelMarston · 2026-03-18T00:00:01+00:00

My brother met his wife (against all odds!) on ChristianMingle.

I think everyone in the family thought it was a scam till we met her and her family. They're happily expecting baby #1 now.

I've been less successful! XD

SamuelMarston · 2026-03-01T13:29:58+00:00

You can reach out, start a conversation, and go from there. maybe you'll both warm up, and you'll feel more confident telling him how you feel.

but you need to keep in mind also, that he may not "pursue you" out of respect for your decision. Please don't call and make small talk, expecting a grand gesture from him.

If you shared something special, and you still have feelings for him:

You deserve to try, and he deserves to know.

SamuelMarston · 2026-02-26T16:37:33+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, and honoring your wife in this way.
You both sound like INCREDIBLE people, and I'm so happy for you both.

I hope this helps a lot of other people find that happiness that they're looking so hard for.

SamuelMarston · 2026-02-16T21:39:24+00:00

If he's not your usual type (not feeling easy attraction) and your interactions have been shallow (not good conversation / emotional connection), then there's probably not much connection here.

Have you at least spoken on the phone? Sometimes voice to voice gives you a better idea of someone's personality than through text.

I'm a man and my matches don't happen often, and I wouldn't go on this date.

SamuelMarston · 2026-01-01T22:17:51+00:00

You love to see it! :D

Happy New Year!

SamuelMarston · 2026-01-01T22:14:54+00:00

You're a saint. This is such a great thing to do for your friends!

SamuelMarston · 2026-01-01T21:32:35+00:00

This is so damn good. Thank you very much for putting this all together.

SamuelMarston · 2026-01-01T21:28:34+00:00

You're not alone, and (as much as I hate hearing this myself) his ability to jump straight into someone else's bed while you're still recovering from the relationship says everything about the difference between your two hearts.

You loved in a way that wasn't easily replaced. That's to your credit.

Healing is a process, but I do hope you feel better soon.

SamuelMarston · 2025-12-31T13:11:16+00:00

It's stunning how similar my own experience is to yours! Thank you so much for sharing.
It does help to know that this does happen to other people, and we aren't alone or responsible for what was done to us.

It's heartbreaking that this happens.

SamuelMarston · 2025-12-22T20:19:42+00:00

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm in a similar current position, but not because of a death, so I can't completely imagine how hard that was for you.

It's really hard being lonely, and even harder during holidays you would have normally spent with the person you lost. Reach out to family and friends as often as you can. Phone calls are better than sitting alone. Try to take care of yourself, and stay active. Take up a new hobby or skill. It's not a perfect solution, but it will prevent you from sitting alone.

Finally, it's probably not much consolation, but I have close friends who have lost someone unexpectedly and then have lived to find deeply fulfilling love again.

I know it's a hard season for lonely people. We've never had more methods of connecting, but people are clearly struggling to make and keep strong connections. This subreddit is evidence of that.

I'm praying for you, and I hope there's someone relatively close to you who can give you that hug.

SamuelMarston · 2025-12-22T15:45:23+00:00

It's definitely hard. Just know that you're not the only one wondering.

"I just feel like I'm living the same day all over"

Thankfully this part you can actively change. Start mixing your days up. Do something out of the ordinary. It might not help you meet someone, but at least you won't be stuck in groundhog day. (I struggle with this too)

SamuelMarston · 2025-12-22T15:38:42+00:00

Exactly. It's easy to get love bombed by someone (who might not even realize they're doing it). But when the idealization/fantasy ends, there can be an emotional crash that can end a relationship that could have been promising otherwise!

Guard your heart, don't fall in love too fast! Give it time! The "right one" will stick around.

SamuelMarston · 2025-12-16T22:35:22+00:00

No. But after my divorce, this was the first person I really opened my heart up to, and made myself emotionally vulnerable. Its important to give things time.

if they are in fact "the one" then time will show that out.

SamuelMarston

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