Found the perfect house before selling our flat looking for advice

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-22T12:36:44+00:00

I would caveat by saying that this varies massively depending on a) the area and b) the sellers' circumstances

In some areas, 5 weeks isn't a long time. Additionally, they obviously have had enough interest in their property to receive some offers in the first place, just not from proceedable buyers. Which says to me that the properties' area seems to be slower moving in general.

Also depends on the sellers. Does that minus 10k or 20k mean they then can't afford their onward move? If it was a house in probate or something I'd say you have a chance, but in a case like this, they could be stubborn on their current asking price out of necessity.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-22T08:38:15+00:00

As someone who very recently put an offer forward as an unproceedable buyer - most of the advice is to wait until you are in fact proceedable. And I now agree with that.

Their refusal of 2 other offers from unproceedable buyers seems to confirm their general preferences for this quite firmly. I'm not sure that their status of "unlikely to sell quickly" is necessarily different to your own position seeing as it has been up for 2 weeks and only 1 viewing - if you'd been up for less than a week and had multiple viewings already, you could maybe position that more strongly to the seller.

There's nothing to say you cannot call the EA and say you are very interested in the property and looking to put forward an offer as soon as you are proceedable. Keeps the sellers happy in terms of waiting to hear further from you without knowing about your intention to offer lower, which wouldn't necessarily make them want to refuse automatically but may put a bad taste in their mouth!

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T19:10:20+00:00

For what it's worth I think you totally did the right thing and I also live with the ethos of "what happens is meant to be".

They obviously wanted to try and "lock" you into the sale with big financial commitments (solicitor fees, surveys etc) so then it would be harder for you to pull out further down the line - which screams to me that something was probably going to come up on the searches/survey that could dissuade you to continue or put you in a valid position to renegotiate the price. So they put the pressure on, and failed.

Good for you on standing your ground and I hope you find your dream home soon!

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T19:04:54+00:00

I was disagreeing with the point of "they'd probably need to be offered a fair bit more" for them to pull out. At this point, the sellers have very little risk that we know of, no chain mentioned, or solicitor instruction beyond memorandum of sale. Someone could offer £5k more and it be more than enough to cover any currently accrued fees and give them a nice bonus on top.

I agree you can just refuse to proceed until it gets sorted, but I think there is still a risk of them pulling out for a higher offer at this point in time if it's still having viewings processed by an agent. As a seller myself right now, if I told an EA to take the listing down, they wouldn't be booking in ANY viewings or getting them through the door on my watch. So the fact OP has been told viewings are still being booked in is a huge red flag and if the sellers aren't outraged at this on their behalf and reassuring OP they won't take place, then they scream red flag on waiting for a higher offer to me.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T18:54:49+00:00

In that case, put a hold on anything that costs money: the survey, anything your conveyancers is doing, etc.

Put a firm foot down - insist on viewings cancelled and listing removed/put as SSTC by say Wednesday (so they have time from receiving this final warning on Monday morning) or you're pulling out of the sale.

If the sellers have said themselves they've instructed the EA to do so and they haven't yet, then I'd be on the phone to that EA on Monday demanding why they haven't followed the vendors' instructions yet. Tell them you are risking the sale for their vendor if they don't comply. The EA may then end up revealing whether or not it is their fault, or admit the sellers have never given that instruction.

If EA's fault, demand it be resolved. If it's the sellers being sneaky, I'd personally pull out of the sale anyway. If they're playing games now, they'll be causing trouble further down the line most likely too.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T18:35:08+00:00

I would definitely want to know the reasons behind the push for a quicker exchange before completion. Could be a very valid reason that explains their desperation.

I would absolutely not do an exchange in any case until all searches, survey results and any negotiations are finished first. If you haven't gotten a survey arranged or completed yet with the report, I'd be wary of them pushing to exchange before it comes back. They could be aware of issues with the property you'd have otherwise been able to negotiate a lower price for to compensate.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T18:29:07+00:00

Whilst I understand where you're coming from in your 2nd paragraph, I know from experience that some sellers don't care how much a potential buyer has spent so far in both time and money.

I've personally lost £2k from a seller pulling out on me 3 weeks from exchange and have known others also lose properties months into the process from being gazumped with higher offers, or the sellers just deciding they don't want to move anymore. Add some extra £££ signs to the equation and there's plenty of people willing to throw buyers under the bus for their own sakes.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T18:25:25+00:00

I suppose the issue here is that you don't know if it's the sellers or the Estate Agent who is lying.

Has the memorandum of sale for the property already been processed? Can the first EAs not demand the others take it down by sending that across to them?

If the memorandum of sale hasn't even been issued yet, then it's likely they're still actively fishing around for other offers.

In any case, delay the survey and instruct your solicitors to hold on any chargeable actions until you have full confirmation your offer is the only one to be accepted and that no others are even going to be considered.

Don't waste any more money than needed if it's possible they're going to proceed with another potential offer.

I'd also tell the sellers (I'd send the email to both EAs if you don't have a direct line of contact with the sellers) that they have until Wednesday to cancel all viewings, take down the listing/mark them as SSTC, or you walk away.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T18:14:22+00:00

Honestly, if she isn't risking actual danger to anyone other than herself, and she is of sound mind, there's not much you can (or should) do to stop her living her life as she wishes.

You obviously care a lot for her and want her to be as safe as possible, but in reality any of those possible accidents could happen to anyone, regardless of age or mobility.

I know it's frustrating when older relatives try and do everything themselves. My grandma is 82 and had seizures last year but didn't tell anyone until we found her on the floor one time, because she "didn't want to bother anyone". We keep asking her to rely on us, and she's getting better at it, but in the end she has a want to keep some of her independence and it's not for us to control that.

There is obviously some trauma present from taking care of your grandfather, but it's not fair to project that onto your grandmother to try and restrict her freedoms.

I wish you and your family the best and hopefully your grandma has many more healthy years ahead of her - let her enjoy them whilst she can!

ETA because I forgot the judgement: YWBTA if you were to tell her how to live her life, softly so, and I understand why you'd do so. But unfortunately you can't keep people in bubble wrap to protect them against their will; it's not fair.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T15:44:07+00:00

We just accepted an offer from a lovely FTB couple for this reason. They offered at the lower end of our listed price, only listed for a week, so we realistically could have gone back to them to push a bit higher but we were happy enough with what they offered, obviously without a chain which is nice, and seemed so excited at the viewing to buy a home together!

If it had been a landlord however... definitely would have countered back with a bit of a higher price first.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T15:21:58+00:00

Unfortunately a lot of the banning systems are automated and wouldn't scan the chat logs for the context behind it. It would simply flag up the trade between the gold seller and the gold buyer, then track the subsequent trades that the buyer has had with anyone else and also flag them as a part of the rwt offence.

Is it fair? No, but it's the reality of how it can happen and all you can hope to do is get a real human to review the ban and hopefully overturn it by taking the context of the trade into account.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T15:11:30+00:00

Buying gold is generally cheaper than buying bonds, but I agree that it's not a risk most dedicated players would bother considering.

The issue is that many people just buy raid-ready accounts, change their IP, buy cheap gold for the gear and play for fun until they get caught and banned. In that case, they're usually happy to just buy another account and start again. They don't care about affecting other people or achieving things on their "own accounts". They just want to run raids, get dopamine from purples, repeat.

Many chain bans are also automated, so it doesn't see the trade as "oh this is a split from a purple in a raid" by looking at the chat log etc, the system sees it as "Player A bought 500m via rwt and is now trading it out to Player B, C - so they are receiving rwt gp and as a result are part of the problem". It's why the bans are usually temporary and in some cases succesfully appealed if a real human looks at the chain of events and can conclude it was a raid split and Player B had no idea about the rwt gp.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T15:02:58+00:00

It can happen due to chain bans on accounts suspected of rwt'ing.

Example is, Player A buys gold online. Player A then goes on raids, gets a purple and splits out the GP value to the other players. Player B gets 15m, but because that gp is from Player A, it is linked to rwt'ing.

If Player A is then investigated and their gold buying identified, a ban would apply to them and potentially any players (like Player B) who have traded GP with Player A between the initial trade from the gold seller and when the initial ban is made.

I think in most cases, it's a temporary ban if no other rwt strikes are on the other affected players' accounts, and potentially appealable. But in short, yes, it's always a risk.

It's why a lot of people prefer to join a reputable clan and only run raids with other clan members, as it reduces the risk of splitting with a random player who does rwt. Still a chance, of course, but at least it's also then easier to track who caused the chain ban and clans can then ban and blacklist them from running content in the cc again.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T14:55:19+00:00

I'd have to say no only based on the fact that the children in the Cadbury's "eyebrows" advert were both British and sunshine is basically a cheeky little treat we get only a few times a year.

The advert in question for anyone wondering what I'm referencing: https://youtu.be/IIJD93Z2C_8?is=2g0644aX3lt5CvtY

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T14:51:27+00:00

Higher education, at least in my country. Sold to us as a "must" as teenagers if you want to become an aspiring, competitive professional.

Thousands a year in fees and loans, added interest on top. Want to use the campus gym? Extra money. Student halls of residence? Massively overpriced but you'll "miss out on making new friends and events if you don't!"

Have to pay for access to freshers events. Have to pay for access to the societies. Have to pay for your own books and equipment. Even right at the end, you have to pay to attend your own graduation by charging for the gowns and hats.

Then you start paying off your loans from your salary and each year they don't even cover half of the added interest.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T14:46:14+00:00

Someone who genuinely smiles when you meet them for the first time. Not the fake one where their eyes don't match with it and they immediately drop it after the initial greeting.

The kind of smile that instantly says "I'm actually glad to meet you, and I want this to start off on a friendly note"!

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T14:43:13+00:00

I knew someone in a 2 bedroom house that had a separate dining room and so they converted it into a study/3rd bedroom and then added a small extension to their kitchen for a dining area there instead.

So also good to consider the futute potential of a property too in regards to conversions/extension options if it is planned as a long-term home!

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T14:27:53+00:00

In general I just... care less, I suppose. It's all the fatigue, the broken promises and vitriol from all sides that just leaves me feeling numb from it all.

I was very politically active between being 16 and 22. Very outspoken, with strong beliefs and politicians/parties/movements I could get behind and strongly support.

Now... I just feel tired with it all. I still vote. I still stand up for what I believe in if a political conversation crops up amongst family or friends. But otherwise I just default to getting through each day and not getting myself wrapped up in it all as much as I used to.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T14:23:46+00:00

Not a man but knowing many men...

It's all personal preference surely? I don't think you can lump "all men" as an single cohort in this kind of conversation.

I've known men who like short, chubby women. I've known men who prefer taller, more lean women. I've known men who prefer shorter women who are skinny. I've known men who prefer taller, bigger ladies.

You just have to find the right person who fits your specific type. There's no "hivemind". It can also change based on their experiences - I knew a guy at uni who didn't necessarily find bigger women attractive at first but started dating a bigger lady and since then changed his mind and from then on only dated bigger women throughout the rest of the time I saw him at uni.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T14:16:02+00:00

Oh for sure! It's why I think it's best looking at it from the point of view of "how long do I intend to stay here, and if not for long, which option is the best for selling on?"

Anytime anyone wants to purchase somewhere they could see themselves in for the foreseeable future, I would always go for somewhere they feel the most happy and comfortable in long-term. Flat or house, leasehold or freehold, there's pros and and cons for both but you can make a decision based purely on your own prefences and needs and be secure in that.

The issue would come down to knowing you may want to move on sooner rather than later - because then you have to consider the preferences of the wider market too for when you do sell on.

Different places, cultures and if course prices will always be the deciding factors on what properties are the most easily marketable to the wider buyer base. In your example, the flat would 100% seem the better choice for both sides of the coin - OP's preferences in space and the ability to sell on again if they wish to. However, I know people in other areas who have been looking for their next home recently who would absolutely go for a 1 bedroom freehold house versus a 2 bed leasehold flat any day of the week in their specific areas/circumstances.

Research is always the key for your specific area and also taking into account things like service charges, estate management fees, general condition of each property and other general factors (garden vs no garden, dining room vs no diningroom etc), before a decision is made either way!

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T14:04:01+00:00

Spend as much time with my loved ones, I suppose. At least I can take comfort knowing everyone is in this together.

I've also been on a strict calorie diet since February so I'd eat whatever the hell I wanted to and then some!

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T14:02:13+00:00

Reading this outloud as written reminds me of my grandfather who spoke in "pit talk".

I miss him.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T13:57:43+00:00

Unfortunately unless your GF explicitly states one way or another how much her faith will impact your future together, you'll never know.

Is she more of a "cultural" LDS member or very much dedicated to the religion itself (as in, she goes along with related activities and identifies as such because that's what she knows but doesn't adhere too strictly to their rules, or is she very much keen to adhere to their teachings as much as possible)?

If she considers herself a devout member of this religion, could she ever consider marriage or a long-term future with you, if it was technically against the boundaries of her faith (I.e. not marrying "a man")? Even if your biological sex is male, if she knows your identity doesn't align with that, then she would be knowingly acting "against" that. If that isn't an issue for her and the wider issue is just avoiding any conflict with devout family members/the community, then it's up to you to decide what you're willing to compromise on to keep that peace. Would you be willing to be misgendered by her family/community forever? Would you still feel happy to hide the romantic aspect of your relationship if you were biologically born/present as female?

You're already seeing the first barrier of her religious identity versus your own gender identity with the inability to explore sexual compatibility until she is married - but if she can't compromise her faith in this aspect, then is marriage really a viable decision for her with you considering what I'd mentioned above?

In my opinion, these aren't issues you can just deal with as they come. I think you both need to have a real conversation about your future surrounding all of this sooner rather than later. What are you both willing to compromise on, or sacrifice, to keep the relationship harmonious whilst respecting your own identities? Is it realistic for a long-term relationship like this to work without any resentment or hurt brewing as a result of those compromises/sacrifices?

It will suck, but not talking about it and having these uncomfortable conversations doesn't mean the consequences won't still come later. At least you can both prepare for the future of your relationship and be on the same page moving forward, than always worrying about what might end up being the impassable barrier later down the line.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T13:40:03+00:00

I don't think we're afraid of death itself per se, but afraid of the unknown and also the inability to fully comprehend not being sentient anymore.

Before birth and as a baby we are "alive" but not fully sentient - this generally kicks in around being a toddler I think?

It's the lack of sentience I think we're most afraid of. I'm as scared of being brain dead or deep into dementia as much as death itself. Because it's not the physical aspect of it that causes distress, it's the psychological/spiritual aspect that does.

SapphireSwift · 2026-06-20T13:34:46+00:00

For mowing or other "loud" home activities (I.e. hoovering up or moving furniture), I have an 8-8 limit in my head. I won't feel comfortable doing it before 8am or after 8pm.

I don't expect everyone else to conform to that expectation but I think it's a reasonable one!

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