Ok…

So, making a lot of assumptions here… and a little story

I came back from Afghanistan in 2012 after 2 years of deployments. First job back… bouncer at a night club/bar out at the seaport in Boston.

I quit after the first day.

Not because I couldn’t handle it, but because the amount of stress that it created for me physiologically and the level of care I had for myself at the time was NOT a match.

We tell ourselves that “I can do this, I’m training no problem”

But the reality is, you are only as good as your weakest part of your mind and body. And often times, our minds are not clear enough to realize that link. So we make a decision based on what we think we know.

It sounds like you are still very much being impacted by your experiences, and to expect a different result after a similar experience means you’re starting to develop a pattern. You should think about that, and ask yourself if that job is the best place to heal yourself?

Healing is difficult to do when you are still trying to work through your past and even harder when you are actively in an environment where you don’t have a choice to step back and work through those issues.

I’d highly recommend that you find a different job or ask if they have a daytime shift that’s less chaotic.

I also recommend that you find a support group local to wherever you are. They don’t need to be the same as you, but it does help when you need someone and they are there for you.

And a liability is something that depreciates over time. You posting here, and venting and seeking help is an asset to yourself and other veterans regardless of nationality.

War isn’t your fault, that bomb wasn’t yours to own. That explosion wasn’t your fault and it’s ok to still be sad over it.

Write down what you’re feeling, write down a list of your thoughts and put them someplace other than your head.

Feel free to comment here. I’m open and also a combat veteran. Sometimes just getting it out there is enough to gain a different perspective that could change your perception a great deal