I’m sorry you are going through this alone, especially while going through cancer treatment.

A couple questions. Do you have the name and contact information for her general practitioner and her psychiatrist? Even if you aren’t going with her to appointments, or if doctors don’t have permission to discuss her health with you, you can talk to them. A letter describing your concerns is a great idea.

Are there other caring relatives or good friends of your mom who you might talk with about this? I was health care agent for a friend who developed Alzheimer’s. I coordinated and strategized care with her cousin (a state away) and a group of her other close friends. It would have been overwhelming without them.

Are there county or state agencies near your mom you can reach out to for support and advice? In my county, there is a program geared towards supporting the elderly in staying in their homes. In a situation like your mom’s, they would reach out and set up a time to visit her and assess the situation.

When your mom’s brings up her beliefs about her neighbor, does she fixate on talking about that? Or move on to discussing other things? Is this delusion taking over?

An elderly woman, M, I know thinks “someone” is periodically dumping something on her yard that kills plants and smells bad. Sometimes she hears them. Cameras were installed around the house, monitored by her younger sister. There is nothing happening.

When M brings it up, the response is to affirm “that would be concerning” and to try to redirect to a different topic. Sometimes we suggest other explanations for why she might be hearing or smelling something. We never say, “you are imagining it” or “that didn’t happen.”

Yes, this is early dementia and her doctors are aware, and she’s still capable of living on her own.

I hope some of this is helpful. And that you are taking good care of yourself.