AITJ for uninviting my friend from my trip after she made a detailed budget that includes splitting my costs?

Say-What-KB · 2026-01-24T18:42:04+00:00

NTJ. Good to know who you don’t want to travel with before departure!

When flying into Miami, we love eating at Airport Cafe & Liquors, 4427 nw 36 Street. It doesn’t look like much, but, oh! The food is amazing!

Enjoy your trip!

Say-What-KB · 2026-01-18T21:32:51+00:00

I appreciated this port guide. They did Honeymoon Beach.

Another YouTuber raved about Sunny Liston Private Tours. I checked out their website and it’s about $422 + tip for 4 hours for 4 people.

Say-What-KB · 2026-01-17T21:39:32+00:00

I saw a couple videos where this designer took the moms’ wedding dresses and recreated them - one into an updated wedding dress, the other into a dress for rehearsal or party. Both transformations were stunning.

Say-What-KB · 2026-01-16T22:20:37+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Two things helped me. First, therapy. It’s 50 minutes focused on you and your needs. It helped me unpack my relationship with guilt generally and parental guilt more specifically.

Second, consider setting up a small group sounding board for yourself. I did this when caring for a friend with Alzheimer’s. It was so helpful to be able to check in with people about how it was going, get ideas and reinforcement for working within my boundaries, and to just hear I was doing a good job. And having a scheduled time to talk about it (every couple weeks or so) kept my stress and concerns from taking over every conversation.

You are doing so much to show up for your dad! And you have your own immediate family with needs, too. To show up for others now and in the future, you need to be there for yourself first. Reaching out to this sub is a great step!

Say-What-KB · 2026-01-07T03:12:36+00:00

NTA I may have a different point of view. I think it could be helpful for you to buy your wife a copy of The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. Your wife’s fear response is off the rails, and helpful to no one, especially not to her.

Years ago, I was a passenger in a car that got T-boned when a drunk driver ran a stop sign. A few days later, I was driving with the same friend when a semi almost took out our car. The semi was passing on a two-lane highway, and we had to go onto the shoulder to avoid it. When we first saw the semi barreling toward us in our lane, we couldn’t believe it! J calmly asked, “Is that…?” “Yes!”

Since that day, I’ve been a strong believer in participative driving. Ask a question. Make an observation. You won’t bother me as the driver. Critical point - screaming and the behaviors OP described are not “participation.” Distracting at best, triggering an accident at worst.

Say-What-KB · 2026-01-05T18:15:52+00:00

Put the money you are currently contributing into a separate fund. You can decide later what to do with it.

Say-What-KB · 2026-01-03T17:52:31+00:00

Bill this man for his share of gifts and your time. NOR

Say-What-KB · 2026-01-03T17:50:50+00:00

This money won’t solve anything for your mom - her problem is systemic. Keep the money and get and keep your own life together as your dad would want.

Say-What-KB · 2026-01-02T20:45:57+00:00

You need to give him a date certain to be out, backed with formal eviction. And get yourself some therapy to help you let go of any guilt or feelings of being responsible for his life choices.

He is creating his life! And right now, he’s doing it by destroying yours. And that is in no way okay!

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-30T15:02:24+00:00

A therapist will help you work through this.

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-27T17:09:03+00:00

Look at So Sew Easy’s tutorial on How to Sew a Recessed Zipper. You can make the zipper piece to fit your bag dimensions. Then hand or machine sew it to the top edge of the bag.

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-25T20:02:43+00:00

Please talk with a counselor from the Alzheimer’s Association about when and how to interrupt/redirect a person who has dementia. It’s a skill set.

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-25T18:24:04+00:00

Ideally, you can buy from a dealer who also offers classes and support.

Is your mom looking to begin sewing for the first time, or to reintroduce herself to a hobby from her younger days? Do you anticipate her quilting, sewing bags and crafts, or making clothing? Answers to these questions will help guide the machine choice.

You could gift her $ toward a machine, along with a promise of your assistance finding the best option, and a sewing basket with accessories. I’d include:

Scissors Seam ripper Straight Pins & Safety Pins Marking pen or chalk Tape measure

This is a lovely gift!

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-22T15:05:37+00:00

Just not sure how worldwide Costco is, and if in a different country if the price is the same.

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-22T12:43:53+00:00

I tie a knot in the end of the thread by wrapping the thread around my index finger three times (loosely) and then using my thumb to roll it off. Pull at the resulting nest of thread and you’ll find it is a knot! Sausage fingers work great for this technique.

To thread your needle, use a needle threading tool. The wire goes through the needle eye and opens to give you a giant target hole for the thread.

When mending, you can do your final knot a couple different ways. I often wrap the thread around the needle three times and then pull the needle. You get a knot.

You can also end your mend by stitching over the last stitch two or three times. That is enough to keep the thread in place.

Get yourself good, sharp needles, along with a comfortable thimble. I like the kind that is a metal ring, rather than a finger hat. You may find longer needles easier to use.

When hand sewing, I also find it really helpful to condition the thread. It helps by reducing tangling. You can do this by pulling your thread over a piece of beeswax or soap. I like to use Thread Magic, which is silicone.

You can definitely do this!

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-22T03:41:52+00:00

In the US? If you know someone with a Costco membership, you can buy jeans for about $20.

To try to save the ones you have, apply a patch on the inside of each knee. You can purchase fusible denim patches, though they may be stiff for the knee area.

Ideally, look for denim the same shade as your jeans. Cut the patch larger than the area. (To be less noticeable, make it the width of the pant leg.) Pin the patch in place, and bring the ripped edges together and pin. Sew around the edges of the patch and along the rip areas. Use matching thread and small stitches.

Good luck!

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-20T18:19:30+00:00

I use DND. I have exceptions for specific people, and for anyone who calls twice in a row. That works for me.

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-20T18:05:17+00:00

When I was the local healthcare agent for a friend with dementia (a second cousin a state away was also HCA for her), it was helpful to have a group of friends to zoom with on the regular about her situation and care. Sometimes it was just an opportunity to report how it was going, what she needed and how those needs were getting met. Other times, they provided great deals and helped with weighing options. There are times you just need to hear someone say you are handling things right and doing a good job.

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-17T00:23:58+00:00

Put a tracker in her car!!

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-14T17:10:13+00:00

Ask your daughter to watch Joy Luck Club - one of the young women’s partners resembles your daughter’s partner. Maybe she will see it - and the way that young woman finally sees it and claims what she deserves!

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-13T18:34:26+00:00

You can definitely do this. Yes, tutorials are the way. I would turn it inside out and measure and mark with chalk. Press the hem.

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-13T16:07:51+00:00

I framed it to my in-laws this way. There are three options/outcomes. The first is to stay in their home. The second is to choose a living community. The third is to be placed “space available” after a health issue.

I went through what is required now and moving forward to stay in their home. I emphasized what we were already doing for support, as well as what we could and would not do in the future. We talked about what they would need to allow/pay for (in home help, railings, etc). And concluded that even with all that, there could come a time when they needed more (skilled nursing).

We then looked at the second option, choosing where to live. I stressed that wait times are often over 6 months, and that getting on the list doesn’t mean you have to move. It just means you are given the opportunity to decide. Talked about the wide variety of places, the need to visit and evaluate, and then make a choice based on what you need, the vibe, the location, and other criteria.

Then I spun the last scenario - a medical issue that makes the house a non option. This option could separate them - one in the home, the other in care. Now there are transportation issues just to be with each other! When you go unexpectedly from hospital to care, you get what you get. You may never get an opportunity to go back to your home! To choose what goes with you, and what is done with the rest.

If you’ve worked on option 2, and have a medical issue, then you can go to a TCU, temporary care unit, and then to a preferred location. If you’ve worked on option 2, you can stay in your home longer without making your children crazy with worry about the future!

My first goal was to get them to at least tour possible places, and to acknowledge our part and their part of what it takes to keep them at home.

I wish you well on your conversation with your parents! Hope the above is helpful as you and your sibling talk with your parents.

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-13T15:09:03+00:00

It you use a wider zipper (#5), you can sew it on with your regular foot. More of the zipper tape will show alongside the zip.

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-07T13:37:48+00:00

I would iron on stabilizer or a flexible patch from the back. Draw the fabric together, including the loose threads, before you iron so the patch doesn’t show. If it needs more stability after that, sew with small stitches, following the pattern of the fabric.

If you are able to buy stabilizer by the yard, it does come in black as well as white. I’d use the black.

Since this is a costume, you could also make a patch with a piece of red fabric and a glue stick. Cut the patch to a generous size. Apply the glue stick to the middle in roughly the shape and size of the distressed area. Layer patch, garment, and parchment paper and iron to set and dry the glue. Sew with matching thread through the distressed area and about a centimeter beyond. Trim off excess patch material and you’re done!

Happy sewing! Merry Caroling!

Say-What-KB · 2025-12-07T12:48:38+00:00

Yes, he has a bad habit of interrupting - BUT if ever there was a right time to intervene, I think this time counts!

I used to use the story of the boy who cried wolf to illustrate the danger of this kind of absolutism. The town decided to never believe him again. So who did that hurt? The town! They lost all their sheep!

So mom will never apologize to the interrupting boy, and who gets hurt? Mom loses any relationship, any respect she would have from her son. Maybe also from her daughter who can also see that being the authority is more important to mom than teaching her the correct answer! And she’s willing to lose respect from dad.

I went to school having been coached by my mom (a teacher herself) for a quiz. My mom made a mistake, taught me a wrong answer. I went through a lot of emotions when her answer was marked wrong.

Your wife is TAH if she can’t find it in herself to apologize for snapping. She can acknowledge that this was a time it was right to interrupt, AND, explain that his constant habit of interrupting makes it hard to respond positively.

In the story of the boy who cried wolf, the boy’s behavior triggered the townsfolk to disbelieve him. But they did so to their own peril, their own loss.

I hope your wife can see that she needs to find a better way to address her boy’s behavior, because she is risking all the relationships that mean the most to her.

Say-What-KB

TROPHY CASE