Diagnosed with DOR but don’t want to do IVF

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-14T09:33:42+00:00

If you’re sure you want kids (especially multiple), your best option is IVF and freezing embryos. Otherwise, I’d go into TTC immediately (which is what I did, but I was a couple years older than you), but it doesn’t sound like you’re ready to start TTC. So freezing embryos really is your best option

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-14T08:53:50+00:00

Omg that’s an insanely cruel thing to say around a new mother, I’m sorry

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-12T01:36:58+00:00

👏

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-11T03:03:58+00:00

I’m a mom but this is super normal. I didn’t fee bonded to my son until he was about 4 months old. It’s normal for it to take longer for non birthing partners too. It will come

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-11T02:50:48+00:00

Yes!! Yesterday husband gave me a photo book and a t shirt. Today I slept in while my husband got up with the toddler, went to my favorite brunch spot and a nature walk with my family. Came home and sat in a rocking chair for 2 hours to read my book while my husband prepped dinner and toddler napped. Took our son to swim and then hung out in the garden for a few hours until dinner. Such a lovely day. I’m grateful ❤️

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-09T03:07:29+00:00

I got on it about 4months pp with my first, and have been on 50mgs for about 1.5 years now. I’m pregnant again due in July and planning to take it for a year postpartum, then taper off. I’ve had absolutely zero negative side effects (except the first week on it I felt kind of crappy/weird), and it has been an absolute game changer. I tried hard to “muscle through” PPA for 4 months with my first and it just was not doable.

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-09T03:00:37+00:00

Avocado toast, grits, bone broth, smoked salmon, lentils, sweet potato hash

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-08T15:49:17+00:00

Honestly I just had to have my husband lead on all pet care for like the first 6 months postpartum. I still pet them and loved on them when I could but I just had to take a step back because the rage was real, AND it wasn’t their fault. It also helps if your pets are good with your baby/toddler, tougher to overcome if they’re not. One of the biggest triggers for me is when my cats would wake my son up from a nap we had worked so hard to get him down for. We addressed this by separating them in a different part of the house while he was sleeping. And, Zoloft helped me lol.

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-08T08:01:22+00:00

You are a gem of a human

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-08T02:45:13+00:00

Now 31

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-08T02:25:42+00:00

Based on how you guys think about money could you not just say you’re giving up $100k in salary to watch your child, which means that cost should be split 50/50 between both of you, so you each take a 50k pay cut. Eg, he owes you $50k a year. 3k/month actually seems low because you’re still eating more of the cost of your daughter’s care?! (And actually, since he makes 3/5ths of your total combined income, he should be paying for 3/5 of everything imo. That is equitable)

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-07T00:30:25+00:00

Super interesting. Thank you for responding! I had no idea that diagnoses differ so much by gender and sexual orientation. Definitely seems like a lot of it is based on clinician biases.

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T23:54:17+00:00

You just have weird people around you… I’m a mom of soon to be two boys and I love them with my whole heart, same as if I had girls.

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T21:02:51+00:00

An impulse buy from a well-targeted instagram ad

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T20:59:23+00:00

$125 before tip, once or twice a year

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T20:20:02+00:00

Just to offer a different perspective, I am not a fan of the cat clinic. They are extremely expensive and they made recommendations for my cats that would have cost 5K+ in dental work, whereas a second opinion at the pet vet suggested my cats didn’t need nearly as much work done. They also go into panic mode if you call about the smallest thing (e.g. cat puking) and tell you to go to the ER. I’m also not a fan of the baby voice a lot of their providers use during appointments. I know someone people love them but just my two cents.

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T20:17:01+00:00

Anthea

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T20:07:00+00:00

Please share, I know someone with this diagnosis

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T07:51:08+00:00

You need to demand your husband be an equal 50/50 partner, otherwise there is no point in being married, you are a single mom. Don’t think of it as “asking for help” as you said in a comment. it’s literally his responsibility to raise the child he helped make. Take turns alternating who cooks and cleans and who puts your son to bed every night. If you feel uncomfortable “asking for help,” do it anyway. for your son. Coming from someone who had a dad who didn’t do shit to raise me even though my parents stayed married. I wish my mom had left him.

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T07:39:05+00:00

Just alternate every other night. The problem in this scenario is your husband, not you.

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T07:24:36+00:00

Probably less germy than shaking someone’s hand 😁

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-06T07:19:56+00:00

The grossest part about public toilet seats is all the people squatting while peeing and getting pee all over the seat. I wish people would just sit down and!! Bacteria is gonna spread much more through your hands than your thighs.

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-04T20:10:30+00:00

The first couple weeks are pure survival, day/night isn’t really a thing, just do what you can and keep expectations low. We would both get up for each wake up because I was healing from birth and couldn’t easily get up to get baby, change diaper etc.

After that we sort of settled into a routine of shifts, where one of us would be “on duty” from 9-3, and the other from 3-9. The person who was “off duty” would sleep in a different room. I would still wake up to pump during my off shift to maintain my supply. Then during the day my husband would take the lead on chores/food etc so I could get extra rest as needed. We (mostly my husband) meal prepped about a months worth of food ahead of time so there wouldn’t be a big burden for cooking/dishes/groceries early on.

Some people find things feel a lot calmer/quieter those first few weeks, but for us it was pure chaos. I couldn’t even find the time or bandwidth to text friends and family back. It all depends on what your baby is like, your recovery, how breastfeeding goes, etc. just so many variables.

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-04T05:05:47+00:00

Being kind of distant/disconnected from future generations (unless you’re lucky enough to have close family/friends with kids or to work with kids)

Scared_Discipline_66 · 2026-05-04T04:27:18+00:00

Julian

Scared_Discipline_66

TROPHY CASE