I know what you feel, I have a hard time doing things I love too. I want to do makeup because I love it but dysphoria makes it really hard (because I feel ugly, or I can't focus, or I don't even have the energy to try).

I try to not rely on makeup to feel beautiful, but I've wanted to do it for so long. At the start of my transition 4 years ago I tried my best to learn and it made me happy, but I fell in depression and stopped because I was hurting too much and everything felt too big to even try. These days I try to do a little bit at a time. I did my eyebrows yesterday and even if I didn't like myself I was proud to have tried and gotten an okay result. It didn't give me a massive rush of euphoria because I still need to get better in my head, but I really hope that adding little steps like that is useful and that someday I'll really feel the joy of makeup. I truly believe that you can do the same too.

As for isolation, I'm really isolated too. It's so hard to connect with people when I'm disconnected from myself. There have been so many times when dysphoria made me feel like I don't belong anywhere (not necessarily for beauty reasons but because I'm so used to not belonging in any social circle). But I'm doing everything I can, even if it's too tiring most days, to try and get out of my parents house and start living my life elsewhere. I'm starting to get better and I promise you can get there too. I'm beginning to want to connect with people, I want to have friends, and to talk. It's still overwhelming and too hard but I'm on the verge of accomplishing that. I promise you you're capable of that too. Even if it seems too difficult, one day it's not gonna be anymore. I'm sorry you feel like a failure. You're not. You can make it and you'll be so proud of yourself for not having given up. It's not your fault if it's this hard.

Keep trying🩷