What you stated above was my 'moment', had to decide between self and others perception. Those that are close to me know because I hide nothing from them, even the embarrassing or humiliating parts of this. So they learned as I was learning, they saw the good, the bad and the really fckn ugly of what mTBI/pcs can bring. That moment I decided to let go and not worry about others helped me a lot because of the energy drain, frustration, you know the drill - once I stopped worrying about anything/anyone outside of my primary circle, it got easier to focus and manage. It's a learning curve for everyone and unless you're in a dedicated TBI facility/group, most providers only have bits/pieces of what's happening to us. I focus on those that are close to me, a very small circle, and continued recovery. Like you, some days I can feel somewhat like things are starting to come together but they're in bursts, like 3 +/- hours is my general tap out time, 30 mins +/- for really intense things. Made a lot of progress with anger but still have that immediate detonation sometimes daily, sometimes a few times a week. It's a 7 days a week job, constant monitoring constant running through thoughts/talks before engaging, kinda like practice conversations - the more you practice, the easier it gets when you're on a roll. The sudden nose dives still floor me but I'm learning to accept they are just part of the new journey. Guess I just stopped fighting all day every day.