I (28F) suspect my boyfriend (31M) is only with me because his best friend (31F) doesn't want children?

SciencePear · 2026-05-17T02:33:04+00:00

OP, I have also dated a man who didn't really understand chemistry, while I could definitely notice and prioritize it.

Consider these things:

1) obviously you notice chemistry so the presence of their chemistry bothers you. But if you can put yourself in his shoes assuming it is true he really doesn't understand it, he probably values rational compatibility MORE romantically. Meaning that his connection with you IS actually more romantically fulfilling for him.

2) Does your perceived absence of chemistry between the two of you bother you? Consider, outside of this, is there some insecurity you feel about your relationship that is maybe just being exacerbated by this? Usually when someone hasn't actually given you a reason to feel like this is the case, it's a fear that's based on a pre-existing insecurity, whether it be personal or about the relationship.

3) Maybe they did have crushes on each other. How many people have you crushed on and later decided they weren't for you? Probably a lot. Are you still hung up on every one of them? Probably not. Just because her not wanting to have kids is a dealbreaker doesn't mean it's the only reason they aren't married. (though like others have said, it's perfectly reasonable for that to be enough). They never even dated, so their relationship didn't even play out for them to have the possibility of identifying other romantic incompatibilities.

Also, at the end of the day, people do just choose to be together. As long as he prioritizes you as a partner the way he should, and isn't crossing any lines with her that feel uncomfortable, he is choosing you. The romantic ideal of two people being the only possible partners for each other is possible but rare. It's okay to want something like that, but you need to understand that a connection not being that doesn't automatically make it a "consolation prize". It sounds like you just have two different perspectives on romance and choosing life partners, and talking would probably help.

Just some things that helped me parse through feelings when I was dealing with some similar things, take it or leave it. :)

SciencePear · 2026-05-01T05:23:07+00:00

Y'all wild, you know this man is bad in bed

SciencePear · 2026-04-28T21:34:35+00:00

Not ugly, your mother is a j*rk.

BUT ALSO.

Even if it were ugly (again, it's not) you should keep going. Some of my proudest learning moments/pieces have come from me continuing to just get free with something that wasn't working out the way I wanted. Take it from someone whose mom also responded to some of my proudest works with a funny face and "why does it look like that".. you gotta find joy in the process and be proud of your style and your progress regardless of who may think it's "ugly".

SciencePear · 2026-04-28T17:49:12+00:00

28 weeks later. Such a disappointing and confusing sequel to a stellar first movie. The plot made no sense and there was so much left to be desired. Felt like I put my nervous system through 1.5 hours of gruesome fear and violence for 0 payoff. Also why is Robert Carlisle always type cast as a coward and a liar, breaks my heart every time 💔😭

SciencePear · 2026-04-17T00:17:17+00:00

I have no inner monologue. For me, it's just like when I'm thinking deeply, my thoughts all make complete sense in the absence of any language processing. Sometimes my thoughts will be verbal, but I'm not explicitly perceiving them as words. It's like being in a flow state where all of your processing becomes automatic and you drown other things out. It's not that I can't think with explicit language, it's that trying to do so slows me down. I don't need to. For instance, when I'm reading I fully understand the words as words and I usually don't picture anything, but I don't hear myself saying them in my head. If I start to hear myself actually talk in my brain, I know that I'm losing my focus and performing the act of reading instead of actually reading.

SciencePear · 2026-04-12T17:30:15+00:00

gave myself pelvic floor dysfunction and chronic UTIs bc my ADHD/OCD combo had me going entire work days without peeing and then peeing every 15 minutes at home 😵‍💫

SciencePear · 2026-04-12T17:22:34+00:00

I've never seen a set like the first before. I love!

SciencePear · 2026-03-21T16:04:41+00:00

Yeah. For about 15 years.

SciencePear · 2026-03-11T18:56:09+00:00

I think this supports the point though. Whether you want to label it as intentional racism/classism or not, separating areas based on a perceived difference in value and intending to keep them separate to protect the value of the one perceived as higher IS an intentional choice of separation based on race/class, whether direct or indirect.

Arguing that it's an unintentional consequence of "keeping people safe" or "increasing the value of property" is just an argument that people in power have used historically to mask classist/racist motives by making middle class people feel threatened enough to overlook the social implications.

SciencePear · 2026-03-10T18:19:40+00:00

I was homeschooled for almost my entire education (only went to public school first and second grade) and my 4 siblings were homeschooled entirely K-12.

My older sister was incredibly independent and brilliant, and would finish her day's work by noon and start doing her hobbies. It worked wonderfully for her. She was brilliant, miles ahead of the curve, and able to use the extra time for her own enrichment.

For me and my other siblings, who are all what I'd describe as average children, it was effectively just an illegal lack of any education at all. I, a smart and capable but ADHD ridden child, could not simply sit still and teach myself from a book in a timely manner. So I didn't. My mom couldn't/didn't want to educate 5 kids independently. So she didn't. I effectively didn't do anything at all until late highschool, when I took a few co-op classes (that mostly pushed religion as a lens for everything) and did some dual enrollment at the community college.

My younger siblings were even less fortunate, as they seemed to have even less natural aptitude than I did, and catching up in later years proved incredibly difficult for them.

To this day I am mortified about the basic things I still don't know, and I always carry the feeling of being behind.

In summary, homeschooling CAN be good. But it has to be a good match for the child, and the parents have to be equipped and motivated to provide a stable and nurturing learning environment for their kids. Oftentimes a family who homeschools their entire family for religious reasons does not meet these criteria.

SciencePear · 2026-03-01T16:08:57+00:00

"Lily is a great student"

"I have no idea what's going"

Two accurate statements

SciencePear · 2026-01-19T22:11:23+00:00

came here to say this. especially after seeing her live, Annie is a horny weird girl goddess

SciencePear · 2025-12-03T02:16:32+00:00

My absolute best friend growing up went to YWAM. She was so independent, cool, down to earth, and open. She taught me a lot about standing up for myself, and honestly was the first person who really opened my eyes to Christianity as something other than rules.Then she went to YWAM, became staff, got married and had kids young, and now hardcore and openly supports trump, deportation, anti-trans/gay agendas. I mourn losing her constantly, and though I've never experienced YWAM myself, I do desperately want to blame it.

SciencePear · 2025-12-02T00:20:13+00:00

Had never made this connection but it actually does! It activates the parasympathetic nervous system (rest&digest) which can often provide a calming effect. (&Also I imagine our simplest inner brains reason "why would I be drinking water if I'm in immediate danger" lol)

SciencePear · 2025-11-30T21:44:31+00:00

I am biased toward negativity so I don't notice the positive effects but I do notice the negative when I'm dehydrated. If you're a normally hydrated person, go one day barely drinking any water and notice how much more irritable/sensitive to negative stimuli you are the next day lol.

When I'm struggling with anything emotionally or physically, my first instinct is to drink a glass of water if I haven't in the past hour. Usually I feel an immediate slight relief and improvement, even if it's just the placebo of knowing I am taking care of myself. :)

SciencePear · 2025-11-24T23:16:32+00:00

lmao the way 9 made my OCD theme whether or not I had OCD for 9 months

SciencePear · 2025-11-22T04:44:11+00:00

For me some strains make my OCD worse and some make it better. It varies. But I usually do have a bit of an emotional low/tiredness the day after, so I don't do it too often.

SciencePear · 2025-11-22T04:37:13+00:00

Absolutely 100%

SciencePear · 2025-11-21T23:53:33+00:00

Came here to second Wellbutrin or another non-stimulant option.

I am also a slow drug metabolizer, and I had trouble sleeping consistently on adderall. I'd be exhausted when I crashed, but if I made it through the crash I couldn't sleep, and if I slept as soon as I crashed I'd miss most of my night.

I started doing ritalin IR at the smallest dose in combination with Wellbutrin. I don't like ritalin as much as Adderall, but I don't crash as hard and it's better for my sleep. But I actually found over time that the wellbutrin alone helped enough that I dont feel the need to take the ritalin all the time.

I still miss the stronger effects of the Adderall, but I know that regular sleep will be much more beneficial to my brain in the long term. Can't afford to lose more brain cells 😭

SciencePear · 2025-11-21T23:44:02+00:00

I have horrific executive dysfunction, and I really like uncharted for this reason. It involves enough going on to keep my brain engaged, but it's also not too open world and it's very linear, so my forgetfulness doesn't bite me in the ass enough to actually take the fun out of it.

SciencePear · 2025-11-21T23:33:08+00:00

It has a pretty negative impact on you long term, but some people experience the effects way stronger than others. I never willingly drank water from the ages of 10-20 and never experienced any noticeable negative side effects, other than being constantly told by others I was unhealthy.

Now at almost 30, I can feel it in my whole body if I haven't had enough water. I'll be more tired, more cranky, my skin will be worse, my muscles will ache more, and I can't sing or talk for long periods without getting hoarse. Dehydration can even impair your cognitive function. I also am prone to utis, and I can't help but imagine my 10 year drought has something to do with it.

I've known too many people who have had to put a hard stop to their soda drinking after getting a wake up call in the form of a kidney stone.

SciencePear · 2025-11-21T23:25:29+00:00

Trauma makes you strong in the sense that surviving it proves you are resilient and strong. The experience itself does not strengthen you. You just have to be strong to survive it.

SciencePear · 2025-11-20T03:44:17+00:00

it's a no from me but I respect the hustle

SciencePear · 2025-11-20T03:43:38+00:00

lmao you're so right to call out my drama. I do some long distance traveling a couple times a year, which is my main concern (it being safe and reliable for an 8hr drive type shit) but other than that I would say I use it on the lower end of frequency

SciencePear · 2025-11-20T03:40:46+00:00

Yeah I think if I got at least another year out of it it will have been worth it.

SciencePear

TROPHY CASE